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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766303">fickle game</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emollience/pseuds/emollience'>emollience</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Latina Adora, Latina Catra, Lawyer Catra, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Zookeeper Adora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:15:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,679</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emollience/pseuds/emollience</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Catra had never hated anyone more in her life, not even herself. She was sure that she had somehow died and been sent to Hell, forced to stare at the grown-up version of her childhood best friend on a dating app she only ever used for the brief validation of matching with pretty girls instead of actually talking to them. Maybe matching with Adora was punishment for just that. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>or: catra and adora match on tinder years after a falling out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2475</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the fool</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>one night i was like, "haha how funny would it be if catra and adora matched on tinder" and somehow i ended up with the most elaborate outline i've ever written bc my brain exists to spite itself.</p><p>also catra is still a catgirl and scorpia is still a scorpion girl and entrapta's hair is still...whatever it is</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"><span class="small">The tides inside your heart still pull me towards you.  </span> <br/><span class="small"> <span class="small">"AFTER ALL THIS," Richard Jackson </span> </span></p>
<p class="p1"> </p>
<p class="p1"><span class="small">"I suppose you do love me, in your way," I said to him one night close to dawn when we lay on the narrow bed. <br/></span><span class="small">"And how else should I love you - in your way?" he asked. I am still thinking about that.   </span> <br/><span class="small"> <span class="small">"THE ANTHROPOLOGY OF WATER," Anne Carson </span></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adora stared at the picture on her phone. </p>
<p>Look, no one could blame her, really. Anyone would stare if they were in her position. Honestly, considering what platform the picture was on she was sure that others had stared too. Maybe not in a catatonic state of shock for the past ten minutes like she had been, sure, but definitely long enough to really marinate on its contents. </p>
<p>Catra smirked back at her from the screen. She looked ― different. Of course she looked different. It had been years. It was just that Adora had only ever seen Catra wear a suit once before and it was nowhere as nice as the well-fitting maroon piece she sported in the picture. The knees of the pants were ripped ― because of course they were ― and the bow tie was loose around her neck. She had a hand stuffed in the pocket of her pants and a flute of champagne in her other hand and her hair was shorn short, slicked back with only a few strands of her bangs falling forward. The way she looked at the camera, though, was familiar: Self-assured, and confident, and cocky in all the ways Adora had memorized and catalogued throughout their childhood and adolescence. </p>
<p>Everything about her demanded attention. The background faded behind her: The clearly grandiose room with its glass chandelier and the well-dressed people behind her were all just props. One look and anyone could tell that Catra was someone powerful; that Catra was the person to look to in any room. </p>
<p>The point was: Adora was positive that if anyone else were in her shoes they’d have her reaction. </p>
<p>The little circles on the bottom of the picture indicated that Catra’s Tinder profile held more pictures. Ten minutes since Catra’s profile appeared on her screen and Adora hadn’t gathered the wits to scroll down and view the rest. Chalk it up to shock, she rationalized. She hadn’t  heard anything from Catra since the summer before college. There was that one voicemail from a night during their junior year, but that didn’t count. Not really. </p>
<p>Adora set her phone down on the table. She ran a hand over her face and exhaled a shaky breath. When she looked at the clock over on the break room wall, she realized she only had fifteen minutes left on her break, which of course she did. Leave it to Catra to ruin the one hour Adora got to relax away from the harsh summer sun. She hadn’t even touched her food yet. She hadn’t even opened her lunch bag. She didn’t even remember what she packed this morning. </p>
<p>With a groan, she picked up her phone and unlocked it. It opened back up to Catra’s profile. She counted the little circles: Four, which meant four total pictures, including the one she had already seen. She could make it through three more pictures without her brain short-circuiting. She had lived through eighteen years of looking at Catra without turning into a brain-dead idiot. She could look at some stupid photos on a stupid dating app without it happening again. She could do this. </p>
<p>She scrolled down to the next picture and quickly realized that she could not do this.  </p>
<p>Catra, on a boat. Catra, wearing black sunglasses, head turned so her profile was on full display, looking disinterested as she leaned back against the railing. Catra, in beach shorts and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt over her black bikini top, her tail curled around a leg. </p>
<p>Adora swiped right before the thought even crossed her mind. Then she stared down at her phone in horror. </p>
<p>“Oh, no,” she whispered. “Oh, no, no, no, no, <em> no.” </em> </p>
<p>Another face smiled up at her now, but all she could see was Catra’s stupid smirk. Her heartbeat roared in her ears. Her face warmed. Honestly, Adora didn’t know what she would’ve done if the “Matched” screen had popped up after she swiped right. There was comfort in that, at least. Her stomach knotted at the fact, but she wasn’t about to dissect that. </p>
<p>The screech of the metal ends of a chair against the linoleum floor rang in the otherwise quiet break room. Adora yelped. Her phone slipped through her fingers and she fumbled to catch it ― the protective glass screen over it was cracked enough already. She couldn’t drop it again. Once it was secure in her hands, she looked up to meet Mermista’s unamused stare. </p>
<p>“You’re jumpy today,” she said, then stuffed a seaweed chip in her mouth. </p>
<p>Adora chuckled nervously, setting her phone face down on the table, and shrugged. It was only through sheer will that she managed to calm herself. “Nope. Not jumpy at all!” </p>
<p>“Right. Shouldn’t you be off gushing about horses or whatever? I saw, like, five white girls crying over Breezy.”</p>
<p>“His name is Swift Wind,” Adora said. Slinging the strap of her lunch bag over her shoulder, she stood and rolled her eyes at Mermista. “I know you know that. I caught you stopping by to say hi to him the other day.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, <em> only </em> because Sea Hawk wanted a picture. He’s super into horses now for some reason.” She shrugged and bit into another chip with a loud crunch. Adora wrinkled her nose. “He thinks that since he learned how to “speak seagull” he can learn to speak horse too.” </p>
<p>“...He’s a keeper, huh.” </p>
<p>“Ugh, no.” </p>
<p>The blush on her cheeks said otherwise, but Adora wasn’t going to be the one to say so. She snatched her phone from the table and stuffed it into the back pocket of her shorts with a quick glance at the clock. </p>
<p>“I gotta head back, but we still on for drinks tonight?” </p>
<p>“As long as you guys don’t invite ―” </p>
<p>“Oh my god,” groaned Adora, “it’s been a year. Aren’t you guys over it by now?” </p>
<p>“Last time you guys invited her she ruined the newest Mermystery novel for me <em> on purpose. </em> So, no.” </p>
<p>“She apologized! She said she didn’t know you hadn’t read it.” </p>
<p>“She so totally did know. She just plays all cute and innocent and,” Mermista raises the pitch of her voice, <em> “‘this radiates good vibes’ </em> so that no one else gets mad at her.” </p>
<p>“Mermista,” sighed Adora. She ran a hand over her face. “Perfuma can’t make it anyways. She has a date, so…” When Mermista’s face lit up, Adora said: “You know it’s possible to be friends with your ex, right?” </p>
<p>“Yes, we all know that you and Perfuma are the best of friends.” She examined her nails. “Shining beacons of kindness and forgiveness even though you only dated for, like, a month five years ago.” </p>
<p>Adora’s face warmed. She pulled on her white visor, tightened her ponytail, and looked at the clock once more. “Whatever. Text me if you want to carpool or not.” </p>
<p>She didn’t look back to see Mermista’s expression, already knowing that her night would consist of dropping off a plastered Mermista and Sea Hawk back at their apartment. It happened enough in the past three years since Adora started working at the zoo and befriended the on-and-off-again pair. </p>
<p>The rest of the day passed as usual: She fed and tended to the horses; she gave the typical presentations on Przewalski’s horses, taking special care to mention Swift Wind and his years under their care. Nothing unusual or out of the ordinary, though she paused during lulls in the day to check her phone a bit more than she typically did. Glimmer and Bow blew up the Best Friends Squad ✨ groupchat, and Perfuma sent her panicked Snapchat videos of different outfits that she was considering for her date tonight, and Mermista spammed her with middle finger emojis, and her mentor, Huntara, sent out a few emails that she’ll have to answer when she gets the chance, but all of that was normal. Even Frosta, Glimmer’s foster sister, sending Adora a quick text asking for help in planning out Micah’s birthday party since Glimmer was drowning in law school and law review was normal. The only blip in her day happened at lunch. She refused to give it more attention than it deserved especially since checking Tinder felt like turning the key to the door that Adora kept carefully locked all of her adolescence. </p>
<p>She did it anyways. Multiple times. She quelled the trailing disappointment every time she checked her matches and didn’t find the name she was looking for.  </p>
<p>By the time she clocked out and changed out of her uniform, she had the dull beginnings of a headache pounding at her temples. She ignored it. She couldn’t cancel on tonight. It was rare for Glimmer to actually agree to any plans nowadays. Adora only saw her regularly back in their apartment, which was nice, obviously, but nowhere near the same as having her in their circle of friends. </p>
<p>Sea Hawk and Mermista were waiting by Adora’s old, beat up gray car in the employee garage. Sea Hawk had an arm slung over Mermista’s shoulders while she leaned against the back of Adora’s car, scrolling through her phone and chewing gum. They were both changed out of the typical zoo uniform with Sea Hawk holding onto Mermista’s gym bag in one hand while his own was strapped to his back. </p>
<p>As soon as Sea Hawk caught sight of Adora, he perked up and squeezed Mermista’s shoulder. He waved excitedly at Adora. “Adora! Are you ready for adventure?” </p>
<p>Mermista groaned. “We’re literally just going to the Grotto.” </p>
<p>“Exactly,” grinned Sea Hawk. Adora didn’t bother to hide her grin as she bumped fists with him and then pulled her keys out of her backpack to unlock her car. “It’s always an adventure to spend time with our friends, dear.” </p>
<p>“Whatever.” </p>
<p>“You guys are adorable,” Adora said, sliding into the driver’s seat. </p>
<p>Mermista scoffed as she dropped into the passenger seat. “Speaking of adorable: Are Bow and Glimmer on their way?”</p>
<p>“Bow’s already there.” Adora started the car and pulled out of the parking space. “He’s saving us all a booth. Glimmer’s gonna be a little late, but she promised she’d show up.”  </p>
<p>“I’m excited to see Glimmer,” Sea Hawk said from the back seat. He ruffled his hair, winking when Mermista turned to face him. “It’s been so long!” </p>
<p>“She’s been helping out at her mom’s firm a lot lately,” Adora said. “Honestly I think only Bow sees her regularly now.” </p>
<p>“Not you?” </p>
<p>Adora snorted. “I’m pretty sure she’s started sleeping at the library.” </p>
<p>“Typical,” said Mermista. She started scrolling through her phone again. “Did you see Netossa’s Instagram post?” </p>
<p>“Not yet.” They pulled up to a red light. Mermista shoved her screen towards Adora, and Adora glanced at the picture of Netossa, dressed in a blue suit, an arm slung around a scowling Glimmer’s shoulders. The caption read <em> Nothing like torturing the interns! </em> The first visible comment was Spinnerella’s: <em> Be nice, darling. </em> </p>
<p>Adora cackled and pressed down on the accelerator when the light turned green. “You think the two of them are gonna stop by?”</p>
<p>“Spinnerella and Netossa?” Sea Hawk leaned forward, clutching at the back of Mermista’s seat. “Doubtful. I think they have an anniversary dinner tonight.”</p>
<p>“Already?” </p>
<p>“They’ve been married quite a while, Adora.”</p>
<p>“Look, they celebrate a different anniversary every other week. Don’t blame me for getting confused. Pretty sure they drove up to Orlando for the anniversary of the first time they went to Disney World together, like, last weekend. And the weekend before that they went out to celebrate the anniversary of the first time they went on a cruise together.” </p>
<p>“It’s romantic!” </p>
<p>Mermista snorted. “Of course you think so.” </p>
<p>Sea Hawk pressed a hand to his chest. “I suppose we won’t be celebrating the anniversary of our first date then.”</p>
<p>“Don’t even think about it,” she threw back. </p>
<p>By the time Adora pulled up to the Grotto’s parking lot Sea Hawk was full on serenading a blushing Mermista. They left their bags in the trunk of Adora’s car and headed towards the entrance where there was thankfully no line. The Enchanted Grotto only got busier closer to midnight, anyways, and by then they’d all probably be at home. </p>
<p>Once inside they found Bow nursing a sparkling purple drink in a fancy glass by himself at a large, circular booth. He caught sight of them, waving both hands in the air, and Sea Hawk shot out towards him, arms wide open, yelling, “Bow, my lad!”</p>
<p>Bow just barely managed to slide out of the booth right as Sea Hawk caught up to him and embraced him, spinning him in a circle. </p>
<p>“And they say romance is dead,” drawled Mermista. </p>
<p>Sea Hawk set Bow back on the ground. “It’s been too long!” </p>
<p>“We saw each other last month,” said Bow. </p>
<p>“Exactly!” </p>
<p>“He’s too used to seeing me and Adora every day,” said Mermista, sliding into the booth. </p>
<p>Sea Hawk settled beside her and slung his arm over her shoulders. Despite all her rolling eyes and groaning, Mermista leaned into the embrace as she grabbed one of the drink menus on the table. “What can I say? It’s a blessing I’ll never take for granted.” </p>
<p>Adora grinned, grabbing a menu for herself, except Bow immediately plucked it out of her hands as he sat next to her. “Hey!” </p>
<p>“Yeah, no. Your turn as DD, remember?” </p>
<p>She pouted. “I know. But I wanted to see what food they had.” </p>
<p>He eyed her. “We’re not Ubering tonight, Adora.” </p>
<p>“I know!” </p>
<p>He handed her the menu with a satisfied smile. She stuck out her tongue at him. The waiter came by to take their orders, leaving one menu on the table for Glimmer once Bow mentioned they were waiting for their friend, and Adora took the time to check her phone. </p>
<p>A text from Glimmer reading <em> I’ll be there in 30 minutes! </em> A text from Huntara telling Adora to take it easy for the weekend. Another message from Frosta with nothing but a singular middle finger emoji after Adora accidentally left her on read earlier in the day. There was one notification from Tinder, which on her best days she usually ignored until she was absolutely and utterly bored, but today…</p>
<p>She hated herself. She truly and genuinely hated herself. She clicked on the notification. </p>
<p>Some girl she had matched with days ago sent a simple<em> “Hi :)” </em> and Adora bit her tongue; stopped the groan that almost bubbled out of her.  </p>
<p>Warmth pressed against her side. Adora immediately smashed her phone face down against the surface of the dark, wooden table. She winced at the crunch of cracked glass that followed. </p>
<p>Bow, still leaning against her, raised an eyebrow. “Uh, you good?” </p>
<p>“Yes?” she managed to squeak out. She cleared her throat; tried again: “Yeah. I’m great. Totally fine.” </p>
<p>The skin between Bow’s eyebrows wrinkled. Just as he opened his mouth to say something else, Adora caught the flash of familiar pink hair from behind him and perked up. She squished his cheeks between two hands, then turned his face towards the entrance. </p>
<p>“Look who I found!” </p>
<p>Glimmer, dressed in a lilac blouse and dark slacks, searched around the bar, a frown on her face. A matching jacket was tied around her waist and her hair, longer than the frizzled bob she had sported when they met in college, sat a rumpled mess around her head. </p>
<p>“Glimmer!” both Bow and Sea Hawk yelled, though Sea Hawk sprang up onto his feet on the seat as he did so. </p>
<p>A grin brightened Glimmer’s face and as soon as she made it to their table both Sea Hawk and Bow were out of their seats and squishing her in a tight hug. Adora waited until Glimmer slid into the booth to wrap an arm around her shoulders and give her a quick squeeze. Across from them, Mermista simply flipped her hand in the mockery of a wave as she sipped the curly straw from a tall glass containing some shimmery blue drink. </p>
<p>“Perfuma not coming?” asked Glimmer, picking up the drink menu. </p>
<p>“She has a date,” everyone answered in unison. Adora picked up her phone, only pausing for a brief second to flinch at the cracked screen protector, before clicking onto her last conversation with Perfuma and sliding her phone towards Glimmer. </p>
<p>“She sent me over fifty photos through Snapchat earlier too,” she said. “So whoever she’s going out with? It’s serious.” </p>
<p>Glimmer snorted. “Perfuma falls in love every other week.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but she doesn’t do the whole freaking out and single-handedly paying an entire boutique’s income thing for just anyone,” quipped Mermista. Half her drink was gone, meaning she was a quarter of the way to admitting her and Perfuma were friends and got along just fine, actually. Adora bit back her smirk. “I think they met at the botanical gardens, too.” </p>
<p>“Awwww.” Bow leaned forward, his chin in his hands. “That sounds so romantic.”</p>
<p>“Does it?” Glimmer said. </p>
<p>“It absolutely does!” Sea Hawk slammed a hand on the table hard enough that the drinks on its surface shook in place. With a scowl, Mermista snatched hers off the table and cradled it protectively in her hands, leveling a glare at her boyfriend. “It’s a grand tale of romance.” </p>
<p>Glimmer and Adora met each others’ eyes. Adora then turned to Sea Hawk. “Okay. What’s her date’s name?” </p>
<p>He paused. His mustache practically wilted. “I, uh, was not made aware of that information.” </p>
<p>Adora smirked and leaned back in her seat with her arms crossed. “None of us were.”</p>
<p>The rest of the table broke out into discussing the intricacies of Perfuma’s love life, starting from when they met her in college. Munching on her plate of mozzarella sticks, Adora stayed back and listened, only interjecting when she felt she wanted to. </p>
<p>The evening passed like it always did: All five of them trading jokes and life stories back-and-forth as their tab steadily increased until eventually Glimmer, of all people, grabbed Bow and Adora’s hands and pulled them to the dance floor. Sea Hawk and Mermista at some point signed up for karaoke and sang a surprisingly amazing rendition of “Kiss from a Rose” despite the way Sea Hawk leaned heavily on Mermista throughout the entire number. It wasn’t until later when Adora, sweaty and hot and in need of breathing room, stepped away from the dance floor and towards the bar itself that she had a moment to collect herself. </p>
<p>The bartender smiled when they caught Adora’s eye and she leaned across the counter to say, “Water, please,” just loud enough to be heard over the music. When they walked away, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket, and everything was normal really. Perfuma had sent a brief update on her date which was apparently going well, and Frosta had sent a picture of her baking a cake with Micah and Angella to the group chat with Adora, Bow, and Glimmer in it. All normal. </p>
<p>Just as she was about to lock her phone and stuff it away, though, her phone pinged with a new notification from Tinder that read: <em> New Match! </em> Adora blinked once, twice at her screen. She clicked on it, not taking the time to really think about what she was doing, and there on her screen, along with the circular icons of other women Adora had matched with before, was Catra’s smirking face. </p>
<p>“There you go, sweetheart,” said the bartender, sliding the glass of water towards her. </p>
<p>Adora, heart thudding heavy and loud in her ears as she slid her phone back into her pocket, leaned forward again and said, “Actually, can I get some tequila shots?” </p>
<p>
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</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catra stared at the picture on her phone. </p>
<p>It had been a long day. Most days were long. Her boss was an idiot, and so were her coworkers, and at twenty-five she’d somehow developed a persistent, chronic headache, but it was fine, really, since she was basically the only one keeping the joke of a law firm floating. She managed. She knew how to handle herself and the ridiculous bullshit thrown her way every day. </p>
<p>This, though? Someone was definitely playing a cosmic joke on her. </p>
<p>Adora grinned up at her from the screen. Her hair was still up in that ridiculous ponytail that Catra used to joke would leave her bald before she hit thirty, and she still wore that stupid little poof. She hugged the neck of a gigantic white horse, pressing her cheek to its snout, and her eyes were crinkled at the corners from the force of her smile. She was dressed in a green polo with the Salineas Zoo logo right above her left breast, and she wore khaki cargo shorts, and she looked ecstatic despite the ugly white visor on her head. She looked happy. Endearingly so, actually. Despite the sharp cut of her jaw, the baby fat long gone from her cheeks, she was the same girl that threw that same grin Catra’s way from the time they met in kindergarten till the summer before college. </p>
<p>Catra wrinkled her nose and downed the rest of her wine. With a groan, she readjusted herself on her couch, crossing her ankles as she stretched her legs across the cushions and sat with her back against the armrest. She set the glass down on the floor and slid down till she lay completely flat on the couch. </p>
<p>The moment Adora’s face popped up Catra had swiped right. No one could blame her, really. You see someone you know and you swipe right to see if they did the same. Those were the unspoken rules and who was she to rebel against them? </p>
<p>Still, seeing the <em> “You Matched!” </em> screen two seconds after she swiped right? Her chest did something funny that she wasn’t particularly inclined to analyze, especially not two glasses of wine into the night. </p>
<p>Despite everything in her telling her to just unmatch Adora, to just pretend this hadn’t happened, she scrolled down to the next picture. </p>
<p>Adora, head thrown back as she laughed on the floor of a packed gym, weights strewn on the floor around her. Adora, in a red sports bra and dark leggings, her arms and abs on full display. Adora, strands of hair falling loose from her signature ponytail to frame and stick to her sweaty face. </p>
<p>Idiot. </p>
<p>Catra scrolled down to the next picture, eye twitching when it was another gym photo, except this time it was Adora blatantly flexing a bicep at the mirror while she grinned at her reflection. The following photo was one of Adora, hair pulled up into twin buns and wearing all black with black lipstick, hugging a giant horse plushie to her face while holding a red solo cup in her hand. The next photo: a mid-action shot of Adora in the lilac Bright Moon soccer uniform, just about to kick at the ball. </p>
<p>Suddenly, Catra was fifteen and trying her best not to stare at Adora from the bleachers during soccer practice. Catra was fifteen and averting her gaze when Adora stopped to catch her breath in the middle of the field to use the bottom of her shirt to wipe at her face. She was fifteen, and throwing Adora a thumbs up during the brief breaks whenever Adora looked up to check if she was still there. </p>
<p>Catra pulled herself off the sofa. She left her phone on the cushions, grabbed her empty glass of wine, and dropped it off at the kitchen sink, opting instead for a bottle of water. When she returned to the living room and picked up her phone, she already had ten new messages from Scorpia, each one paragraphs long detailing every aspect of her date with the mystery botanical garden girl she had met just last month. Which, honestly, good for her. Scorpia deserved a nice night out with an equally nice girl. </p>
<p>Instead of reading through every message like a good friend should, Catra clicked back onto the shitty dating app that she never paid attention to before tonight and scrolled down to Adora’s bio: </p>
<p>
  <em>“What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>― Maya Angelou. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m a zookeeper, aspiring veterinarian, and gym rat! I love a good conversation, and a good burger too :) </em>
</p>
<p>Catra had never hated anyone more in her life, not even herself. She was sure that she somehow died and had been sent to Hell, forced to stare at the grown-up version of her childhood best friend on a dating app she only ever used for the brief validation of matching with pretty girls instead of actually talking to them. Maybe matching with Adora was punishment for just that. </p>
<p>It was currently 12:31 AM, officially Saturday. In the morning she’d wake up and drag herself to yoga with Scorpia. In the morning she’d force herself to join Scorpia and Entrapta for brunch all while pretending she didn’t enjoy hanging out with them. She’d spend the day doing what she normally did on her weekends: relaxing away from her shitshow of a job and not thinking about estranged childhood best friends she hadn’t spoken to in almost eight years. </p>
<p>Right now, though, the wine dulled the very edges of her mind. She sat, languid and tired on her too expensive couch, staring at Adora’s grin and remembering a time when she’d see it thrown her way multiple times a day. She remembered being thirteen and braiding Adora’s hair right before the start of their Sunday school classes. She remembered being fourteen and trading notes during English class and waggling her eyebrows every time Adora turned in her seat to look at her. She remembered being seventeen and fumbling through a first kiss in the dark of a stranger’s room at a party neither of them had really wanted to go to, only for the two of them to giggle uncontrollably and then promise never to talk about it again. She remembered being eighteen and angry at the firm set of Adora’s jaw, at the way tears glistened in her eyes but never fell even as Catra yelled at her. </p>
<p>Catra shuddered out a deep breath. She ran her hand through her too short hair. She had blocked Adora’s number so long ago, and for extra measure changed her own number two years ago. </p>
<p> “This is stupid,” she muttered to herself. And then, to really punctuate her own self-loathing and stupidity, she clicked open a chat with Adora and typed out a simple message: </p>
<p><em> hey, adora. </em> </p>
<p>Simple. Effective. Definitely not something to overanalyze or debate on. Catra downed the rest of her water bottle and dropped her phone back onto the couch to grab her remote and finally turn on her tv, except her phone buzzed the moment she settled on a show. </p>
<p><b>Adora:</b> <em>hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii catra! </em></p>
<p><b>Adora:</b> <em>i'lbl takl tuo you tomorrow okay i proimes i ijust thinsk ikt's a jbad idea right now</em></p>
<p><b>Adora: </b> <em> mdy friends aere htreatening to take my phone :( </em></p>
<p><b>Adora: </b> <em> but we gotta catch up!!!!! i miss you!!!!! ok talk to you in the dmnroing :) </em></p>
<p>Catra blinked at her screen. She blinked again. She considered responding ― she’d only ever seen Adora drunk once the entire time they were friends ― but then a loud series of knocks pounded at her door. She dragged herself to the door, already knowing before she opened it who it would be. Sure enough, Scorpia stood there, still dressed in the red blouse tucked into a high waisted black skirt ensemble she and Catra had spent hours picking out prior to the stupid date, and she grinned at Catra, face bright. </p>
<p>“Oh, Wildcat!” She barged into Catra’s apartment and immediately flopped down on her back onto the long, black leather couch. Cradling one of the cushions to her chest, she kicked off her heels and sighed happily. “Oh, man. I think I’m in love.”</p>
<p>Catra snorted and shut her door. Shoving Scorpia’s legs off the couch, she plopped down next to her, leaning against the arm rest. “Yeah? Then why aren’t you still with her?”</p>
<p>“We’re taking it slow! Which I think is nice, actually? She said that she tends to really jump the gun on these kinds of things ― which, y’know, so do I ― and we agreed that we’re gonna take it slow and not rush into anything. So, I dropped her off at home and then rushed back here and just…” Scorpia tapered off with another dreamy sigh. “She gets me. Don’t get me wrong, Wildcat, you and Entrapta are my best friends in the world but wow...She just gets me. She’s so smart, and pretty, and kind. Did I tell you she has a drum circle? She actually invited me to join if I wanted, and of course I said yes! Gosh, she’s amazing.” </p>
<p>“Really? I didn’t catch that the first time,” said Catra. Still, she couldn’t help but laugh at the dopey expression on Scorpia’s face. “Are you sleeping over here then?” </p>
<p>Scorpia shot up into a sitting position, still hugging the cushion to her chest. She stared at Catra, her eyes wide and bright. “Could I?” </p>
<p>Catra shrugged. “Yeah. Might as well if you’re here this late. Want me to invite Entrapta too?” </p>
<p>Tears began to glisten in Scorpia’s eyes. This was why Catra preferred to be alone. “Of course! If she’s still up, obviously. We wouldn’t wanna disturb her ―” </p>
<p>“As if she ever sleeps,” scoffed Catra, pulling out her phone and sending a quick text to Entrapta telling her to come over. “You know she gets, like, an hour of sleep at most, right?” </p>
<p>“Well, yeah, but I just don’t want to bother her.” </p>
<p>Her phone buzzed. Catra smirked and said, “Well, it’s fine. She’s on her way now.” </p>
<p>“Really?” </p>
<p>“She said she was bored of rewiring her building’s electrical system and asked if she could hack into my satellite, so.” </p>
<p>Scorpia grinned and pulled Catra into a tight hug. “Thank you, Catra. Thank you! I know we all see each other every day, but it’s been so long since we’ve had a sleepover.” </p>
<p>Catra shoved Scorpia’s face away, pushing herself back to her spot, her face warm. “Yeah, I know. No need to make a big deal out of it.” Scorpia continued to look at her with the same giddy expression and it was too much, really. Catra hopped onto her feet and crossed the living room, walking briskly down the hall to her room, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll see if I can find some of your old pjs, okay?” </p>
<p>“Okay!” </p>
<p>It didn’t take long to find one of Scorpia’s old Fright Zone University shirts tucked neatly in her dresser along with one of her raggedy sweatpants Catra had stolen years ago. If she really searched through her clothes she was sure she’d even find a few of Entrapta’s belongings too from nights the two of them crashed at her place throughout the years. </p>
<p>She heard a knock at the door and then the thud of footsteps as Scorpia rushed to get it. There was cheerful yelling, the slamming of a door, the chatter of conversation and Catra tucked the folded clothes under her arm as she shut her dresser, only for her phone to buzz in the pocket of her too big sweatpants. </p>
<p>And she shouldn’t check, really. Her friends were in the other room and she was going to have a nice night despite the years she spent pretending she didn’t enjoy their company and she wasn’t going to think about unresolved friendships when she had perfectly great ones within reach. </p>
<p>That didn’t stop her from unlocking her phone. That didn’t stop her from opening the chat with Adora.  </p>
<p><b>Adora:</b> <em>my friends gave me back rmy phoen </em>😊😊😊😊<em> jdo u wanna gte lunch tomorrow??? we can catch utp it'll dbe my treat!!! k</em></p>
<p>Catra hesitated. She gnawed at the inside of her cheek. </p>
<p><b>Catra:</b> <em>sure. you ever been to that cafe on elberon?</em></p>
<p><b>Adora:</b> <em>ryeah ji love that pecla it's so ctuse</em></p>
<p><b>Catra: </b> <em> meet around 1?  </em></p>
<p><b>Adora: </b> <em> YEAH! see yuo then i'm so excited to sere you </em>😊</p>
<p>“Catra?” </p>
<p>She yelped and threw her phone across the room. Thankfully it landed on her bed, still unmade from last night. Scorpia and Entrapta stood at the door, both sporting raised eyebrows. </p>
<p>“What?” Catra snapped, her face burning. She smoothed her bushy tail. </p>
<p>Scorpia jabbed a claw in Entrapta’s direction. “Entrapta’s here.” </p>
<p>“I can see that, thanks.” </p>
<p>“Well, you were taking a while so we just wanted to make sure you were alright.” </p>
<p>“I’m great! I’m peachy!” She shoved the clothes into Scorpia’s arms, then crossed the room to pick up her phone again. She ignored the way her heart juddered in her throat. “Can we just ―” With a trembling sigh, she ran her hand over her face. “Sorry. It’s been ― a really long day. Can we just watch some shitty movie?” </p>
<p>Entrapta grinned. “I brought quite a few snacks. I’ll go set everything up!” she said and then clapped her hands before rushing back off to the living room. </p>
<p>Scorpia turned back to Catra, her frown careful, concerned. “You sure you’re okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she answered. She scratched at the back of her neck. “Listen, I’m gonna have to cancel brunch for tomorrow.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” Scorpia tilted her head. “Did something come up?” </p>
<p>Catra almost laughed. She walked past Scorpia, holding back the ironic smile just begging to form on her face. “I’m meeting up with an old friend.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. i should've left it alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I need you to murder me,” Adora said. </p><p>From his place at the kitchen, Bow snorted. He flipped the pancake in the frying pan, not even bothering to turn and view whatever pathetic picture Adora imagined she painted right now. “Should’ve thought of that before your fifth shot.” </p><p>Adora groaned. She leaned against the fridge and watched as Bow added the pancake to the tall stack of already finished ones. Ignoring the way her stomach twisted at the sight, she crossed her arms and pouted at Bow. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>Bow shrugged. “It’s whatever, Adora. You paid for everyone’s Ubers anyways, so…” </p><p>“I did?” When Bow turned to look at her with a raised brow, she forced herself to perk up. “Yup. I did.” </p><p>He snorted. “How’s your head?” </p><p>“It’s been worse.” </p><p>“Well, lucky for you Glimmer went out to get your car.” </p><p>“Wait, seriously?” </p><p>“She said you owe her lunch.” </p><p>Adora stiffened. She gnawed at the inside of her cheek, purposely staring at the meticulously prepared breakfast Bow continued to cook. The phone in the pocket of her hoodie suddenly weighed her down. </p><p>“Uh, about that…” </p><p>Bow hummed as he handed her a few plates and cutlery. He balanced the stack of pancakes in one hand while grabbing a bowl of fruits and headed out to the tiny living room to set the table. Adora followed after him, her cheeks warm. </p><p>“So, I kinda have plans for lunch?” </p><p>“Oh, did Perfuma invite you to her drum circle too?” he asked, setting everything down. He headed back to the kitchen and Adora focused a little too intently on her task as she heard him rummage through the fridge. “She texted me about it a few days ago, but I figured you, me, and Glimmer could have a beach day or something instead.” </p><p>“She’s gonna get pissed at you for not RSVPing,” she mumbled, fiddling with the sleeves of her hoodie. </p><p>Bow placed the orange juice on the table. “I marked us down as <em> ‘Maybe’ </em> on Facebook.” </p><p>Adora’s head shot up at that. “You went on my Facebook?”</p><p>“You never logged out of my laptop.” </p><p>“You could’ve just logged out for me!” </p><p>“I mean, I did <em> after.” </em> </p><p>“Bow!” </p><p>“What’d Bow do now?” </p><p>Both of their heads snapped towards the entrance. Glimmer, sunglasses pushed up on her head, wearing Bow’s loose, cropped jean jacket, shut the door behind her and crossed the room. Plastic bags hung off the crook of her elbow. </p><p>“He was using my Facebook!” Adora jabbed a finger in his direction. </p><p>Glimmer snorted, setting the bags down on the table, then threw Adora’s car keys towards her. Adora managed to catch them, then stuffed them into her hoodie’s pocket. “No shit. You never remember to log off when you use our stuff.” </p><p>“I totally do.”</p><p>Bow and Glimmer traded a look. They always traded looks. It was exhausting. Adora rolled her eyes and pulled out her chair, plopping onto it with her arms crossed, knowing that the petulant pout on her face was ridiculous. </p><p>“Anyways,” Bow said, taking a seat across from her. “Lunch?” </p><p>“Yeah, you owe me,” added Glimmer, accepting the plate of pancakes Bow handed to her. “Seriously, Adora, you’re a nightmare after one drink. Why the hell did you even do that many shots?” </p><p>Adora felt her face go hot. She dumped the cut up strawberries and bananas onto her own plate of pancakes. “Uh. Just. You know. Felt a little left out.” She didn’t look up to meet either of their eyes, knowing without a doubt that they were giving each <em> another </em> look. “Listen, I was just telling Bow I can’t do lunch today, okay? I’m meeting up with an old friend so…” </p><p>A beat of silence followed, and then Bow, voice strained, replied, “Uh...What friend?” </p><p>Adora snorted and looked up to find him smiling sheepishly. “What do you mean <em> ‘what friend?’” </em> </p><p>“No offense, Adora, but we know all the same people.” </p><p>Glimmer nodded. The two of them sat close to one another despite all the room at their table, just like they always did, just like they never noticed they’ve been doing for years. “Perfuma has her drum circle, Mermista and Sea Hawk are visiting her parents,” she ticked off with her fingers, “Huntara’s...Huntara and it’s not like you’re in any rush to hang out with my parents and Frosta.” </p><p>“I had friends from <em> before </em> I met you guys, y’know.” </p><p>Glimmer raised her hands. “Okay, okay. I get it.” Then, with a grin, she said: “Seriously, though, everyone you know is either in this room or already busy.”</p><p>Adora threw a blueberry at her. It bounced off Glimmer’s forehead and onto the floor as she giggled loud and bright. </p><p>Bow leaned close to Glimmer, wiping at the blue smudge on her forehead. “Is this friend whoever you were texting last night?” </p><p>“Uh, yeah.” Adora tugged at the end of her sleeve, pulling the fabric over her knuckles all while avoiding Bow’s eyes. Her face felt too warm, just like it had when she had woken up groggy and disoriented this morning and had then scrambled to check her phone to assess whatever damage her lack of impulse control caused. “We’re gonna catch up. It’s been a few years so…” </p><p>“That’ll be nice! If you want maybe the two of you could come find us after and we could all hang out?” </p><p>“Or not,” added Glimmer, elbowing Bow. She waggled her eyebrows. “They’re <em> catching up. </em>Let them have their alone time.” </p><p>Adora’s face, her neck, even her chest burned. “It’s not like that!” </p><p>Glimmer leaned forward, elbows on the table, and rested her chin in both hands. She smiled back at Adora innocently. “Like what?” </p><p>“Like...Like <em> that,” </em>she responded weakly. “We’re getting lunch. That’s, like, the most platonic meal you can get with someone.” </p><p>
  <em> “Uh huh.”  </em>
</p><p>“Leave her alone,” laughed Bow. “It’s fine, Adora. We’ll do lunch another day, okay?”</p><p>“Thanks,” she mumbled. She drenched her pancakes in syrup, then in whipped cream, ignoring Bow’s raised brows. “Uh, could I borrow a shirt, by the way? I haven’t done laundry in forever.” </p><p>“Yeah, go ahead. I stole your blue sweatshirt anyways.” </p><p>“Seriously, Bow?” </p><p>“Glimmer stole your red dress, too.” </p><p>“Bow!” Glimmer shoved a laughing Bow away from her. “Shut up!” </p><p>“What? It’s not like Adora didn’t take your favorite jeans the other day.” </p><p>“What?” She turned to Adora, eyes wide. “They’re too short for you. Why would you―” </p><p>“―I literally just said I haven’t done laundry!” </p><p>“Then do your laundry!” </p><p>Adora angrily stuffed an entire pancake in her mouth, staring Glimmer down as she chewed. Despite the way the corner of her mouth twitched she didn’t laugh the way Adora knew she wanted to, and it wasn’t until Bow poked at Glimmer’s cheek that she broke. </p><p>After breakfast was over, Adora stood at the very center of her room, staring down at the absolute mess she allowed to build up over the past month and a half. Growing up she’d been orderly: Everything she owned had been organized neat and tidy, color-coded or otherwise grouped together by its functions. She had kept the habit, though she had started slacking at some point during college, then entirely threw away any semblance of order months after graduation. Now she stood in the very physical consequence of slacking off, surrounded by half her closet strewn on the ground, her bed, her furniture. It would take days to sift through the mess, let alone actually manage to clean it up entirely the way she wanted to. </p><p>She still had a few hours to go till she was supposed to meet Catra, but the fact did more to raise her panic than quell it. </p><p>She still didn’t remember actually messaging Catra, though she could recall with some fuzzy semblance of clarity arguing with Bow that she needed her phone back to call them a ride home. It had taken everything in her when she woke up in the morning and checked her phone not to message her again and cancel, except cancelling would just make things worse, and it wasn’t like things were bad now, right? Catra had actually said yes. Catra had been the one to message Adora first. That had to mean <em> something, </em> though Adora couldn’t begin to discern just what. </p><p>Adora was an idiot. That was the one and only sure thing. </p><p>She checked her phone, ignored the new added cracks to her screen protector, and found nothing new. Catra hadn’t messaged her since last night. Adora was tempted to send a quick message confirming that they were still on for lunch, but that might scare Catra off, which wasn’t that absurd to think considering the brief exchange was the first civil conversation they’d had in literal years. The one and only time Catra even bothered to reach out to Adora since their fight wasn’t exactly a nice memory. </p><p>Adora groaned. She flopped face first onto her bed, directly onto a pile of clothes that were definitely stolen from Bow and Glimmer, and groaned even louder. </p><p>“Adora?” She heard her door creak open; could clearly imagine Bow peeking his head through the door, probably with Glimmer right behind him. “You good?” </p><p>She groaned again in response. </p><p>“Your room’s gross,” added Glimmer. “But you already knew that.” </p><p>Adora flipped her off, all while keeping her face burrowed deep into the pile of clothes on her bed. The mattress dipped with the added weight of someone sitting next to her. </p><p>“Okay, you’re acting weird,” said Bow. Adora felt when Glimmer sat on her other side and started to play with her ponytail. “You’ve been acting weird since yesterday. What’s going on?” </p><p>Adora groaned again. She flipped onto her back and dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. “Nothing. Everything. I’m just―stressed. I’ve been stressed. You know that.” </p><p>“Is this about your vet school applications? They haven’t even opened up yet. You still have time.” </p><p>“No. Yes. Kind of?” She dropped her hands, letting them rest on her belly as she glared up at her ceiling. “I think I’m freaking out over meeting up with Ca―my friend.” </p><p>Glimmer leaned into Adora’s line of sight. “I was just joking earlier, you know. If it’s not a date, it’s not a date.” </p><p>For whatever reason, Adora’s face burned. “It isn’t,” she managed. “It’s never been like that. It’s just―We were friends for so long, and I kinda messed up, so I’m just...nervous about seeing her again, y’know? What if I say something dumb and she gets mad at me again?” </p><p>“Then you apologize,” offered Bow. “You talk things out. Either it works out or it doesn’t and you go from there.” </p><p>“I know! I know all of that, logically, but I just ― I’m freaking out anyways. It’s so stupid. She’s the one that reached out in the first place, so that’s gotta mean she’s not mad anymore, right? Except what if she is? What if she just agreed to meet up to yell at me again? What if she takes one look at me and decides to just walk away and we never see each other again and nothing gets resolved, ever, and I just have to live with the fact that it’s all my fault with no chance to actually apologize?” </p><p>By the end of the entire spiel, Adora had sat up and clutched at her hair, now fallen from its ponytail. She groaned again and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them tight as Bow and Glimmer exchanged a look even though Adora was <em> literally sitting right between them.  </em></p><p>“You’ve never mentioned her before,” Bow finally said, resting a hand over one of hers. </p><p>“I didn’t need to,” she mumbled.  </p><p>Glimmer pushed herself off the bed and smoothed at her skirt before turning to Adora with her hands on her hips. “Well, moping isn’t going to do anything. And clearly whoever this is means something to you so you aren’t just gonna sit there and plot out fifty different doomsday scenarios when you could just be getting ready―or, like, actually clear out your room.” She kicked at a pile of clothes right by her sock-clad foot. “So, how about I do your hair before Bow and I head out?” </p><p>Adora blinked once, twice. She smoothed back her bangs. “What’s wrong with my hair?” </p><p>“You’re just going to put it up in a ponytail. Let me braid it.” </p><p>“What’s wrong with a ponytail?” </p><p>One of Glimmer’s eyes twitched. She threw her hands in the air and headed towards the door. “Fine. Just wear the stupid ponytail.” </p><p>Bow laughed and scooted off the bed, turning back for just a moment to settle a hand on Adora’s head. “We’re gonna head off to the beach around lunch time anyways. Do you want us to drop you off wherever it is you’re heading?” </p><p>Adora hesitated. She tugged at her sleeves, mulling over the question, then nodded. It seemed answer enough for Bow whose smile bloomed bright as he ruffled her hair. </p><p>“Well, we have a few hours to go, so…” He gestured to her room. “You wanna try to fix this up?” </p><p>She flinched. “I really should, huh?” </p><p>“Seriously, Adora, I don’t know what happened. You and Glimmer’s dorm looked like it belonged in some interior decorating magazine and now...this?” </p><p>“Yeah...I don’t really have an excuse,” she said. She pushed her hair away from her face, pausing for just a moment to chew on what she wanted to say, then: “Thank you, Bow.” </p><p>“Hey, it’s no problem.” He reached a hand out and she settled her palm over his. “You’d do the same for me and I know we’d do the same for Glimmer.” </p><p>She smiled back. “I know. Now, get out. I think I can finish up at least one corner of the room before we leave.” </p><p>“What time do you need to be there?” </p><p>“Around 1.” </p><p>He flashed her a quick thumbs up, stepping over the landmine mess in her room to get out. Once Bow was out the room, Adora flopped back onto her bed. She was content to lie there, to really sulk over the dull throbbing in her head, but her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out a lot quicker than she really meant to. </p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>we still good for lunch or did you die last night?</em></p><p>Adora swallowed thickly. She scrolled up to their messages from the previous night, cheeks flushing warm now faced with every typo and exclamation point and emoji she had used in her excitement. </p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>Yeah! Sorry about that lol but I’m still good for lunch. My treat </em>😊</p><p><b>Catra:</b> 👍🏽</p><p>Adora typed out a message, then deleted it, then typed out another, then deleted that one too until she ultimately left the conversation as it was and dropped her phone on her bed. She forced herself to sit up; to really assess the mess around her: all her clothes on the floor alongside the sheets and blankets she meant to wash weeks ago when she replaced her bedding; her desk a cluttered mess of books and folders and forgotten shopping bags she never cleared out; her stuffed animals including her beloved stuffed alicorn affectionately named after Swift Wind strewn along the floor with all her clothes and shoes. It was a disaster and, well, it was as good as any distraction for the next two hours. </p><p>
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</p><p>By the time Catra left her apartment, Scorpia and Entrapta were still fast asleep on her living room floor. She had debated on waking them up and kicking them out of her place, except Scorpia would hit her with that doe-eyed Disney princess expression she perfected probably the moment she was born and, honestly, Catra didn’t have the patience for that kind of interaction today.</p><p>Now, walking from the moderately clustered parking lot to the typically bustling Elberon plaza, Catra found the tension easing from her shoulders. The shopping center itself was large and open, so glaringly set up as a tourist trap with its fairy lights strung between buildings and the one stage at its very heart with round-the-clock live music that always drew a sizable crowd. It was only a ten minute drive from her place back at the Fright Zone and had better restaurants than the ridiculously fancy places Hordak and the other partners liked to drag everyone too. Despite the Hawaiian-shirt-wearing-fanny-pack-equipped tourists already roaming the area, it was nice. She was anonymous among the crowd. No one looked her way twice. </p><p>The Erelandia cafe was tucked away between some big brand clothing shop and a skincare store that Scorpia loved since they had some cream that worked wonders for her exoskeleton. It was small and cozy, only busy on Sunday mornings as far as Catra had seen the past couple of years, and best of all: she stopped by regularly enough that the owner got started on her order the second she walked in. The moment she met the owner’s eyes through the glass windows, the short woman, always adorned with a ridiculous red mushroom hat, waved and got to work. </p><p>The bell chimed above her head when she entered the cafe. The clock by the vending machines near the counter showed that it was a quarter to one. It was moderately full: A few people occupying tables with their laptops or books, a couple others chatting and eating with their friends. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, already heading to her usual booth at the back except: </p><p>“Catra!” </p><p>Her head snapped up. Over there, on one of the loveseats by the bookshelves hoarding all the board games and books college students like to drop off, sat Adora enthusiastically waving at her, her smile bright and warm. Catra hesitated, then shoved her phone back into her jean’s back pocket as she made her way to Adora. </p><p>“Uh, hey,” she said dumbly. She crossed her arms; shifted her weight from one foot to the other, refusing to sit. “You’re early.” </p><p>“So are you,” Adora shot back with a grin. She held a disposable coffee cup in one hand, no doubt containing some ridiculously sugary deathwish unless she suddenly developed a taste for actual coffee in the past few years. Probably not, really, considering how long Catra tried to get her to tolerate any caffeine with anything less than five packets of sugar dumped into it.   </p><p>“Yeah, well…” She shrugged. The two of them stared at one another long enough that the grin fell from Adora’s face and her cheeks flushed a familiar shade of pink. Her hair was longer. It was still pulled up into the same stupid ponytail with the same stupid poof, but it fell over her shoulder, long and straight and a shinier blonde than ever before, streaked like she spent way too much time out in the sun. </p><p>“So, um, do you wanna sit?” Adora scooted over so that she was pressed against the armrest at the other end of the loveseat. “Or we could go to a table? Whatever you want. I don’t really care.”</p><p>Catra shrugged again. “Booth?” </p><p>“Okay!” Adora all but jumped to her feet. She reached for the bag crumbled up at her feet, pulling one strap onto her shoulder, and Catra was helpless to notice the definition of her shoulders, her arms, shown off by the loose sleeveless white shirt she wore. </p><p>It took a moment, then two, for Catra’s brain to catch up to her mouth, but by then it was too late: “Are you <em> taller?”  </em></p><p>“Huh?” Adora glanced down at herself, and then at Catra, and Catra could practically see the dots connecting inside that giant forehead of hers before a sheepish smile bloomed on her face. She had always been the taller of the two, only by an inch or two, and now she towered over Catra by a solid four inches. “Oh, yeah. Growth spurt.” </p><p>“Who gets a growth spurt <em> after </em> puberty?” </p><p>“It can happen. Clearly.” She gestured to herself. It took every ounce of willpower for Catra’s brain not to short circuit on the spot. “Whatever. It’s not my fault you stayed the size of a middle schooler.” </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes. She started heading for her usual booth, arms crossed over her chest, not bothering to check if Adora was following her. “Not my fault you kept the maturity of one.” </p><p>“I’m plenty mature,” Adora shot back, sliding into the booth. Catra scoffed as she sat opposite of her. “I am! I do my taxes, Catra. I’m super mature.” </p><p>“Is that really your litmus test for maturity? Not committing tax evasion?” </p><p>“No!” Adora crossed her arms, pouting. “...Maybe.” </p><p>“Well, great to know you’re doing your civic duty or whatever. You’re clearly a competent, well-adjusted adult. I’m so proud of you.” </p><p>Adora pressed a hand over her heart. “That’s all I ever wanted to hear from you.” </p><p>“Don’t get sentimental on me, Grayskull.”</p><p>“Please, as if I haven’t always been.” </p><p>“You’re right. You were always the biggest crybaby.” </p><p>Adora snorted. “Projecting much?”</p><p>Whatever response Catra might’ve thrown Adora’s way was cut off. The cafe’s owner set a single mug of black coffee and a plate of hash browns plus toast and eggs on the table, sliding them to Catra with a smile. “Here you go, sweetheart.” </p><p>“Thanks,” she replied, smiling back. The owner walked away and Catra turned back to Adora, already finding her eyeing the plate with shining eyes. “You good?” </p><p>“When did you even order?” </p><p>“I didn’t. She just gets me.” She picked up the fork and stabbed the hash browns. She took a bite, then slid the plate towards the center of the table. “Go ahead. I can practically hear your stomach growling.” </p><p>“You sure?” </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes. “Your treat, right? I’ll just order something else.” </p><p>With that, Adora grabbed the second fork and dug in. Catra rested her chin in the palm of her hand. With Adora sat in front of her, Catra took stock of the dark bags beneath her eyes, the light splattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose and her cheeks she only ever obtained in the summer unlike Catra’s year round ones. There were faint tan lines on her arms, mostly likely from the ugly zoo uniform polo she’d been wearing in one of the photos from her profile. </p><p>Adora had always wanted to work with animals, Catra remembered, though she had never really planned in what capacity. The two of them used to joke about running off together and becoming farmers when they were younger, and while Adora had sounded wistful when they had, Catra had only ever wanted to make her smile. </p><p>Stupid of her, really. </p><p>It was only after another server stopped by and took their orders that Adora actually slowed down eating. She pushed at the leftover half she’d left for Catra with her fork, her cheek hollowed like she was gnawing at the inside, and glanced at Catra. </p><p>“So…” she started. </p><p>Catra raised an eyebrow. “So?” </p><p>“It’s just―It’s been so long. I don’t even know where to start.” Catra raised an eyebrow and Adora wrung at her hands, an old habit she apparently never broke. “I just mean...What are you doing now? I don’t mean<em> now </em>now, like right at this second right now, because obviously I know that, but just in general.” </p><p>Catra laughed. “I can’t remember if you’ve always been this eloquent.” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>“I could, but then how am I supposed to answer your super thought-provoking questions?” </p><p>“It’s called catching up, Catra.” </p><p>“Really? I thought it was called a Tinder date.” </p><p>Adora froze. Her face burned a red so dark Catra could practically feel the warmth radiating off her even this far apart. “Wait, you thought―” </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Of course not, you idiot.” She leaned back in her seat, cradling her mug in both hands, and took a sip of her coffee. “You haven’t missed much. I’m a lawyer and it eats up all my free time. Pretty sure I have a few gray hairs already. That’s about it.” </p><p>Adora blinked at Catra, her brows raised high. “Huh.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Sorry. I just―I never thought you’d want to be a lawyer.” </p><p>Catra shrugged. “Pays well and sometimes people cry after I’m through with them. It’s fun.” </p><p>“Okay. You know what? Now it’s all clicking.” </p><p>“Which part? The high pay or the emotional torture?” </p><p>“Mostly the latter.” </p><p>“You know me so well.” </p><p>Adora laughed. “Always have,” she said. She smiled at Catra, bright and fond, the expression so familiar that Catra almost returned the expression, and would’ve actually, if only Adora didn’t ruin everything by stating, as easy as anything: “I missed you, Catra.” </p><p>Her tail bristled. Her ears flattened against her head, and she felt her heart thudding hard against the hollow of her throat. It should’ve been simple to say it back; to lean forward, grab Adora’s hand in her own, and actually apologize, except she sat frozen instead. </p><p>The server dropping off their food spared her from answering back. Adora turned to thank them, her smile a little tighter, a little dimmer. It was only after they walked away that Adora turned back to look at Catra, her cheek hollowed for just a moment, and then said, “Look, should we...Should we talk about what happened?” </p><p>Catra set her mug on the table, hands still wrapped around its ceramic surface, and sighed. “Or we could not,” she replied. “No offense, Adora, but I kinda don’t want to.” </p><p>“I get that, but―You said you never wanted to see me again. You can’t blame me for wondering what changed.” </p><p>Nothing had changed, Catra almost said. That was the problem. That had always been the problem. No matter how much time passed, no matter what Catra did, she always drifted back to Adora’s orbit. The years hadn’t diminished that, though the pain had dulled into a whisper of an ache throughout the years instead of the blaring, searing burn in the months after their fight. </p><p>Not that she’d ever explain that. She shrugged instead and said, “Maybe the fact we’re not stupid teenagers anymore? You do the math, princess.” </p><p>“Ugh, seriously?” </p><p>“Hey, you went to BMU. That means you accept the title that comes with it.” </p><p>Adora fell back against her seat, arms crossed in a way that forced Catra to pointedly stare at her face. “Pretty sure that wasn’t in the fine print.” </p><p>“How would you know? Can’t say I remember you ever reading anything.” </p><p>“We were almost always in the same English classes, Catra.” </p><p>“Yeah, and if I remember correctly you were always two seconds from falling asleep.” </p><p>“It’s not my fault Shakespeare was boring.” </p><p>“He was fine. You just have no taste.” </p><p>“You’re defending a dead white guy?” </p><p>“Fuck no. I’m just insulting you,” said Catra. “Speaking of,” and here she raised the pitch of her voice, “‘<em> I love a good conversation and a good burger too.’ </em> Do you actually pick up girls with that or are they too busy drooling over your gym selfies to care?”</p><p>Instead of blushing like she expected her to, Adora raised an eyebrow, and suddenly she wore that stupidly smug expression she’d thrown Catra’s way for years. “You think girls drool over my gym selfies?” </p><p>Catra tore a piece of her toast and lobbed it straight at Adora’s forehead. Giggling, Adora wiped the crumbs off her face and said, “What? It’s an honest question!” </p><p>“Uh huh. What are you? A frat guy? Who posts gym selfies anymore, Adora?” </p><p>“Oh, so are we gonna ignore your suit photos? Or the beach ones?” </p><p>“They’re classy. <em> I’m </em> classy.” </p><p>“Please. You don’t even have a bio, Catra. I really doubt any messages you get are gonna be about your <em> personality.” </em> </p><p>Catra smirked. “You think a lot about my <em> personality, </em> princess?” </p><p>“Mostly about how annoying you’ve always been,” Adora said. She leaned over and stole a fry off Catra’s plate, popping it into her mouth, ignoring Catra’s indignant <em> “Hey!” </em>She started to dig into her own food, then said, “Okay, but seriously, what else have you been up to? Yeah, yeah, you’re a hotshot lawyer, super proud of you, blah blah blah, but what else? How was college anyways?” </p><p>“Graduated early,” she replied, picking at her food. “Went to law school and now I’m a corporate lawyer which is as fun as it sounds, but again, pays well. Super interesting stuff, I know. They should make a Lifetime movie off my story. You, though―Zookeeper?” </p><p>Adora’s face lit up. “Yeah. I work with Equids, which is super cool. So, like, basically wild horses. It doesn’t pay as well as you’re probably making, but it’s <em> so </em> worth it, Catra. The zoo itself is amazing and I’m hoping I can keep working there after I get my veterinary degree.” </p><p>“That’s cool. What year are you in?” </p><p>“Uh…” Adora’s eyes flitted away. “I’m not in school right now. I’m, y’know, juggling my options. It’s expensive so I’m saving up money and looking at different schools before I apply.” </p><p>“That’s smart,” Catra said. This time she reached over and stole a tomato off Adora’s side salad, popping it into her mouth. “School’s a deathtrap anyways, and at least you like your job. Even if you are working with horses.”</p><p>“They’re majestic, Catra.” </p><p>“Sure they are.” </p><p>“They <em> are! </em> You just haven’t met any of them so you don’t know.” It was like a lightbulb went off above Adora’s head. She reached out and grabbed Catra’s hand over the table, grinning wide. “I can give you a tour someday! </p><p>Catra snatched her hand away, and Adora leaned back, her face falling, blinking at her with those ridiculous big eyes. “Uh, maybe,” she managed to get out despite the lingering warmth on her hand. She had to stop herself from cradling it to her chest. “That sounds nice, I guess.” </p><p>Adora didn’t push it further. She smiled at Catra, small and hesitant, an expression Catra had never seen geared towards herself, an expression Catra didn’t know what to make of. </p><p>The rest of lunch was fine, really, trading insults back and forth, catching up on small things here and there, though Adora skirted around her own college experience just like Catra did. A sore spot for the two of them, then. It made sense not to poke at whatever tender wound laid between them. </p><p>Adora paid the bill, and Catra waved bye to the owner as they stepped out, and then it was just the two of them lingering a couple feet from the cafe’s entrance. Adora hadn’t pulled out her keys, which Catra figured she was just as hesitant to leave as she was, except Catra didn’t really know what that meant. </p><p>“So, uh,” started Catra, “thanks, I guess. This was...nice.” </p><p>Adora nodded. Out in the sun her hair shone incandescent gold. “Yeah. Yeah! I’m really glad we did this.” She tucked a lock of hair behind an ear, then ran the same hand over the back of her neck. “Are you, y’know, doing anything else today? I was thinking of walking around and maybe shopping a little if you wanted to join? Or we could do something else. I, uh, don’t really care.”</p><p>“Listen, you don’t have to…” Catra tapered off for a moment, then took a deep breath and collected herself, pushing her shoulders back, standing straight. “If you’re just offering because you feel guilty over what happened, I don’t want that, okay? This was nice. It was nice to see that you’re doing well and everything, but you don’t have to try to fit us back together because you don’t want anyone to walk around with a bad opinion of you.” </p><p>“Is that ― Is that seriously what you think?” </p><p>Catra shrugged, folding her arms over her chest. “Can you blame me? You’ve always wanted everyone to like you.” </p><p>“You’re the one that reached out to me first, Catra!” </p><p>“I’m not picking a fight, okay? I’m just saying you don’t have to force shit, okay?” </p><p>“This is exactly why I said we should talk about it. You’re just assuming my intentions.” Adora stepped forward, scowling. “I asked because we were best friends for a really long time and I missed you. There’s no ulterior motive. I’m not trying to rid myself of a guilty conscience. I just asked if you wanted to keep hanging out because I liked spending time with you. Friends like spending time with each other.” </p><p>“We haven’t been friends for a really long time,” she shot back. </p><p>“So that means we can’t try again now?” </p><p>“I don’t know!” Catra ran her hands over her face. “Look, I’m just going to go, okay? Nice seeing you, have a nice life, blah blah blah. Whatever.” She turned and headed off in the general direction of the lot she parked in, walking briskly, except Adora followed after. </p><p>“Catra, seriously?” She picked up her pace and stepped in front of her, blocking her path. A group of teenagers skirted past them. “What is your problem?” </p><p>“What’s yours?” </p><p>“I don’t know! Maybe I thought things would be different now, but apparently you’re still a brat that won’t just say what she feels.” </p><p>Catra barely held back the hiss that threatened to escape her. “Oh, like you’re still not some repressed people pleaser?” </p><p>“I don’t get it. We were having fun. Why are you acting like this?” </p><p>“What are you? My therapist? Just accept we had a nice time and move on. Seriously, what’s your problem?” </p><p>Adora exhaled a shaky breath. She stepped back, and Catra realized just how close they had been standing to one another, the breadth of space between them stretching wide now with Adora backing off. “You know what? Fine. Whatever. I’m the idiot for trying, I guess.” </p><p>It was what Catra had wanted, anyways. She said nothing; just watched, arms crossed, as Adora turned and stormed off. Funny, really, that how it all reflected what happened so long ago: Adora, leaving, and Catra watching her go, swallowing back any pleas for her to stay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yeah i'm just gonna go ahead and slap that "slowburn" tag onto this fic</p><p>also WOW i did not expect the reactions to this fic i'm going to try to get back to your comments from the previous chapter but thank you!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. pulling on my soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Scorpia showing up unannounced at Catra’s home was something that Catra not only accepted, but had come to expect throughout the years. The sky was blue, Hordak was a spineless excuse of a person, and Scorpia cared too much in a way that used to feel suffocating yet no longer did. </p><p>With a sigh, Catra stepped aside, holding the door open for Scorpia. She was still dressed in her work clothes. The buttons of her shirt rested undone at her collar, and she kicked off her heels as soon as she made it to Catra’s living room. </p><p>“If you wanted to hang out after work,” said Catra, shutting the door and following after her, “you could’ve just told me. We could’ve carpooled.” </p><p>“Nah. I had to make a stop before I came here anyways,” said Scorpia. </p><p>Catra raised an eyebrow. She folded herself on the other end of the couch, an arm slung over the back. “Flower girl again?” Scorpia grinned, her cheeks pink. With a snort, Catra said, “What happened to taking it slow? You guys have been hanging out basically every day for the past week.”</p><p>“We’re taking it slow. It’s called enjoying each others’ company.” </p><p>“Oh? You enjoy each others’ company a lot then?” Catra wiggled her eyebrows, then shrieked when Scorpia threw a cushion at her. “What? You left that wide open, okay!” </p><p>Scorpia, blushing furiously, shook her head. “I did not! Besides, that isn’t what I wanted to talk about.” </p><p>“Really? You always want to gush about love. I’m still waiting for you to drop a romance novel.” </p><p>“Gosh, I wish I could write, because I totally would. I have a few plots in mind, y’know, but every time I’ve tried to actually type it out I just can’t! Both emotionally and, well, it takes a while.” She raised her claws with a sheepish grin. “Anyways! My typing speed isn’t the point here. The point is: I’m worried about you.” </p><p>Catra blinked once, twice. She stared at Scorpia who looked back at her with that determined set to her jaw and her big, wide eyes, the expression one she’d come to know far too well since they met freshman year of college. It screamed, <em> I will emotionally support you even when you pretend you don’t want the support because I </em> know <em> you do.  </em></p><p>It was infuriating. It was one of the many reasons Scorpia was her dearest friend. </p><p>Instead of putting words to the sentiment, Catra groaned. She dragged her hands over her face. “There’s no talking you out of this, is there?” </p><p>“I could always swaddle you again.”</p><p>“No!” </p><p>Scorpia grinned, then pressed her claws together, waiting for Catra to speak. Sighing, Catra let her hands fall onto her lap. Her shoulders deflated. “Would you believe me if I said I was on my period?”</p><p>“Not at all. We were synced, like, two weeks ago, remember? You came over to my place and cried while watching those kitten videos on Youtube.” </p><p>Catra’s face burned hot. “I told you not to mention that ever again.”</p><p>“Oh, right.” She mimed zipping her lips shut, except the corner of her mouth twitched up regardless. She looked at Catra expectantly. </p><p>“I don’t even get why you’re worried,” Catra stalled. Her ears flattened against her head. </p><p>Scorpia’s brows furrowed. “You’ve been meaner than usual at work. Like, way meaner. I’m pretty sure I saw Hordak tear up and he never does that.” </p><p>“Hordak’s a pussy.” </p><p>“Catra,” sighed Scorpia. “Usually you just terrorize people outside the firm. But you’ve picked fights with Lonnie―” </p><p>“―Have you considered I still hate her for dumping you―” </p><p>“―Plus you scared Kyle so bad he had to go home early―” </p><p>“―Who cares? Kyle’s a bigger pussy than Hordak―” </p><p>“―You made an intern quit,” Scorpia finished counting off. She scowled at Catra, and somehow that was worse than her <em> I’m worried </em> look. It reeked of disappointment. “What’s going on? Talk to me.” </p><p>“It’s nothing,” Catra answered. She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s just stupid shit. You don’t need to worry.” </p><p>“If it’s making you lash out, it’s not stupid,” Scorpia said so earnestly, so sincerely, that Catra nearly teared up. Her eyes burned. She turned her head away, blinking it back. </p><p>She inhaled; exhaled. She couldn’t manage to look at Scorpia, especially once she managed to drag out, “I saw Adora,” through her teeth. </p><p>Silence stretched between the two of them. Catra counted her breaths, just like her stupid therapist told her to. </p><p>“Oh.” When she looked, Scorpia stared back at her, concern practically radiating off her. It was worse than the earlier disappointment, Catra decided. She should’ve been angry, regardless of how long ago they had broken up. “Wow. Okay. Gosh, I―Hm.” She held her claws to her mouth, her brows drawing close in thought. “First things first: This is bad, right? You’re upset that you saw her?” </p><p>The million dollar question. Catra wouldn’t―couldn’t, really―begin to unpack that. She shrugged instead. </p><p>“Give me something to work with, Wildcat. This is kinda a bomb.” </p><p>“Is it?” </p><p>“Well, yeah!” Scorpia leaned forward and cradled Catra’s hands between her claws, and she should’ve been angry; should’ve been upset that even after all this time Catra still clung onto Adora. Instead she just held onto Catra’s hands like she’d do anything to comfort her. “It’s been how long now? And you’re suddenly in contact again? It’s okay to be upset, or angry, or whatever it is you’re feeling, Catra. It’s a lot. I know she means a lot to you.” </p><p>“Meant,” Catra managed, her voice thick. “She meant a lot.”</p><p>Scorpia shook her head. “No, she still does. That’s okay too.” </p><p>“Why doesn’t this bother you?” </p><p>“Well...We haven’t been together for a really long time, Wildcat. We’re good friends now, right?” At Catra’s nod, Scorpia smiled. “I know I was jealous that you were, y’know, not over her when we were together, but so much time has passed now. You’re different and so am I. We’re not kids anymore. So it doesn’t bother me.” </p><p>“You sure?” </p><p>“Positive!” </p><p>Catra let out a shaky breath, then nodded again. “Okay,” she said, then paused, mulling over the words. “Then...It wasn’t bad. Seeing her again, I mean. I just―We ended up arguing over something that’s stupid from a long time ago and to be honest, I didn’t know how to explain to her that I’m the one who’s sorry, y’know? That it wasn’t actually her fault.” </p><p>Scorpia’s eyebrows furrowed. “It wasn’t?” </p><p>“No.” Catra scowled. She could say more. She could sit here and lay their history out like a map and point at every life-turning event between the two of them that eventually led to the forked road that Catra cleaved in their path. That was the joke of it all: In the end, it hadn’t been Adora’s fault, not really. It was always Catra’s. It was always her overreacting; always her dramatics and tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusion. She sighed; pulled one of her hands free to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Guess that’s why I didn’t really want to talk about it with her.” </p><p>“I’m sure it’s not too late.” </p><p>“Oh, it definitely is.” </p><p>“It’s not.” Scorpia pursed her lips, then raised one claw. “I know! Why don’t you invite her to the fundraiser gala this weekend?” </p><p>Catra raised an eyebrow. “Uh, because that would be weird. Also, <em> we’re </em> going together.” </p><p>“Not anymore. I’m visiting my moms this weekend. They adopted another dog and want me to meet them.” </p><p>“Another dog? What is that? Eight by now?” </p><p>“More or less. But there’s never too many!” Scorpia grinned, pressing her claws together and holding them to her chest. “C’mon, Wildcat. You’re out of a plus one and a big event like this is a great excuse to get together without the pressure of being alone. It’s perfect.” </p><p>“It would look like I’m asking her out, which is literally the last thing I want.” Scorpia tilted her head, staring at Catra like she could rifle through the first eighteen years of Catra’s life. Catra’s tail bristled. She barely held back a hiss. “What? I don’t. Can’t you just visit your moms another day?” </p><p>“Well, no? I kinda mentioned I’m seeing someone, so I’m also maybe, <em> sort of </em>bringing her along now too.” </p><p>“What happened to taking it slow?” </p><p>“We are! You met my moms early too, remember?” </p><p>“That was before we got together―You know what? Whatever. Do what you want. I’ll just go alone.” </p><p>Scorpia scowled. “Come on, Catra. You know this is a good idea. Plus, you can’t show up alone. You’ll barely last an hour through the night if you are.” </p><p>“I can do things on my own, Scorpia.” </p><p>“That doesn’t mean you like to.” </p><p>That gave Catra pause. Crossing her arms over her chest, she leveled a look at Scorpia, face warm with the reality of being known. She forced a heavy breath through her nose. “If I say yes, will you drop it?” </p><p>Scorpia’s answering grin screamed <em> no. </em> Catra reached for her phone regardless. </p><p>
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</p><p>Adora was having a bad week. </p><p>It rained nearly every day from sunrise to well into the night, and then again on the weekend. The weather forced her and her roommates indoors, which should’ve been fine if it weren’t so glaringly obvious that every time Adora entered a room she somehow accidentally interrupted yet another Moment between Bow and Glimmer. It never bothered them. Normally it never bothered her. It happened so frequently throughout the years that she was sure she was partly to blame for the unresolved tension between the two. It wasn’t like either of them ever brought it up.</p><p>Whatever. That wasn’t the point. </p><p>The point was: Swift Wind refused to eat for a few days and it turned out he was sick, which, y’know, was amazing. Huntara had to bring Adora down from an episode, which was also just great. Just what she needed, really: Her boss to witness her crying like a stupid kid over her favorite horse. </p><p>To make matters worse, she had been fixing her hair in the middle of the day when her last hair tie snapped. So she spent all of today pushing her bangs out of her face and tucking the rest of her hair behind her ears until eventually she just coiled it all into a knot that she stuffed between the collar of her shirt and the back of her neck where it just collected sweat as the day passed, the real cherry on top considering she had just washed her hair the previous night. </p><p>By the time she made it home, she could barely sit still long enough to listen to Bow recount his day at the day camp he worked at during the summers. In her best moment yet, she pulled herself up from her seat and locked herself in her room where she could perfectly hear Glimmer ask, “Uh, what’s up with her?” through the thin walls as well as Bow’s subsequent, “She’s been like this since we picked her up from Elberon that day. You noticed that too, right?” </p><p>Adora groaned and flopped onto her bed. She rolled onto her back, dragging her hands over her face. She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. She laid still like that for an uncounted amount of time, settled into the static-y quiet of her still not properly organized room, when her phone buzzed from its spot next to her head. </p><p>A notification from Tinder. </p><p>She scowled at her screen. Holding her phone over her face, she clicked on the notification. </p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> hey. </em> </p><p>Adora stared at the message longer than she’d admit to anyone. She stared at it, then she stared at Catra’s icon. In the past week and a half since they’d last seen each other, Adora hadn’t clicked on the app. She hadn’t bothered to see if Catra had blocked her and she hadn’t bothered to do it herself. </p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>Hi</em></p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>are you busy? </em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>Not really</em></p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> ok </em></p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>do you still have the same number?</em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>Yeah, why? </em></p><p>Barely a minute after she hit send, her phone buzzed, the screen replaced by CALLER UNKNOWN. Adora froze. Her phone slipped from her hands and landed right on her mouth. </p><p>“Fuck!” </p><p>“Adora?” yelled Bow through the wall. </p><p>“I’m fine!” She sat up, cradling her mouth. She scrambled to pick up her phone from where it landed on the mattress and swiped to answer the call with a muffled, “Hello?” </p><p><em> “Is it still ringing? Did she answer?” </em> an unfamiliar voice asked. </p><p><em> “Shut up, oh my god, stop,” </em> said Catra, followed by the distant click of a shut door. <em> “Hello?”  </em></p><p>“Catra?” </p><p><em> “Hey, Adora.” </em> She paused, and Adora barely heard her breathing through the faint static. <em> “You sure you aren’t busy?”  </em></p><p>“Yeah.” She pressed her fingers to her lip. When she pulled her hand away, red coated the very tips of her index and middle fingers. Great. “No offense, Catra, but what happened to accepting we had a nice time and moving on?” </p><p>It was quiet for a moment before Catra answered, <em> “Not my finest moment. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.” </em> She paused again, and Adora heard her exhale a shaky breath. <em> “Look, I’m sorry. Can we try again?” </em> </p><p>It was by miracle that Adora didn’t drop her phone again. She somehow managed to keep it pressed to her ear even as her brain slowly processed the past twenty seconds. She remembered Catra, as small as six years old, shoving an equally small Adora away with a laugh before she ran off yelling, “I’ll never say sorry to anyone! Ever!” She hadn’t struggled for a response then; had simply just chased after Catra with a giggle of her own to match. </p><p>Turned out that all she could say in response <em> now </em> was an eloquent, “Uhhhh…” </p><p><em> “You’re totally allowed to say no, obviously,” </em> Catra continued. <em> “I’d understand.” </em> </p><p>“No! Wait, <em> ow,” </em> Adora held her hand to her mouth, sucking in her lower lip for just a moment. “I mean―Yes, we can try again. It’s not like that was my finest moment either.” </p><p><em> “Oh, cool.” </em> Another lengthy pause. <em> “Are you doing anything Saturday night?” </em> </p><p>“Not really.” </p><p>“Okay. There’s this fundraiser gala that night. I was gonna go with a friend, but she kinda ditched me for her new girlfriend. Would you wanna come?” </p><p>“A gala?” Adora blinked. “I mean. Sure, I guess. But, uh, you sure you want me to go?” </p><p>A snort. <em> “Well, as long as you don’t punch someone, I think we’ll be fine.”  </em></p><p>“Okay, you know you can’t blame me for that.” </p><p>
  <em> “Hey, you know I don’t. Getting kicked out of prom and banned from graduation was probably the coolest thing you’ve ever done.”  </em>
</p><p>Adora’s face inexplicably warmed. “Yeah, well, I’ll try not to get us kicked out this time. Is there some kind of dress code or―”</p><p>
  <em> “Formal. I’ll be wearing red if that helps?”  </em>
</p><p>“It does. I’ll figure something out,” she answered. She glanced around her room: The only spot marginally tidy was the desk area that she’d been able to clear before they’d met up. She’d done some laundry since. There was probably something she could dig out. </p><p><em> “I’ll text you the details then,” </em> said Catra. <em> “And Adora?”  </em></p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p><em> “Thanks.” </em> </p><p>Adora smiled, even as it pulled at the cut on her lip. “Don’t get sentimental on me now.” </p><p>
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</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Glimmer practically shot off the sofa. She gripped the back, sitting up on her knees as she leaned forward, looking Adora up and down with wide eyes. “Where the hell are you going?” </p><p>Adora shifted her weight from foot to foot. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Uh, out?” </p><p>Bow, seated beside Glimmer on the sofa, turned too. His eyebrows shot up. “Well, you look nice. I like your dress.” </p><p>“Thanks, Bow.” Adora smoothed at the skirt of the dress, then stuffed her hands inside the pockets. “It has pockets. So. Y’know.”</p><p>He nodded, brows still raised. Frowning, Glimmer said, “You didn’t tell us you were going on a date. I thought you told us everything.” </p><p>“I’m not going on a date.” </p><p>“You’re wearing a dress. You put on <em> chapstick. </em> Oh, don’t look surprised, I can see the shine from here.” She pointed at Adora. “You haven’t done either of those things since you ghosted Perfuma’s coworker.” </p><p>“Okay, I didn’t ghost her―”</p><p>“You guys hooked up, you left in the morning, and then never called or texted her back. That’s literally the definition of ghosting.” </p><p>“Whatever! I’m not going on a date, okay?” Adora raised her hands. “A friend asked me for a favor. So I’m doing her that favor. That is not a date.” </p><p>“What’s the favor?” asked Bow. </p><p>Adora paused. She cupped an elbow. “I’m her plus one to some fancy fundraiser gala.” </p><p>“Oh, Adora.” She couldn’t stand the way he breathed out her name nor the accompanying expression on his face. To make it worse: He and Glimmer exchanged glances at one another. “Just...y’know...for my own peace of mind: Is this the same friend you met up with the other day?” </p><p>“Well, as fun as this has been, <em> mom and dad, </em> I’m going to be late.” She pointedly glanced down at her wrist, barren of any watch since she didn’t actually own any, and made her way to the door. “See you later.”</p><p>“Text us if you’re staying the night!” yelled Bow. </p><p>“Use protection!” Glimmer managed to get out before Adora slammed the door shut. </p><p>Rolling her eyes, Adora made her way down the hall then out the building. Her Uber was already outside, thankfully. She sat in the back and fiddled with the ends of the dress as the car journeyed from Bright Moon to the Fright Zone. Bright Moon wasn’t anywhere near as densely populated as the Fright Zone, but it was more spread out than the area Adora had grown up in. She watched as the city lights eventually faded as the driver sped on the highway; watched as trees and vegetation eventually outnumbered buildings as they passed the very outskirts of the Whispering Woods. Despite the length of time, she didn’t play around on her phone. She kept the screen pointedly on the GPS tracking the trip itself. </p><p>Since the phone call Catra and her hadn’t talked much. Catra had texted her, but nothing more than the directions, the dress code, and the time. Despite the apology, Adora hadn’t been eager to push for more. It was still―new, she guessed. Catra was the same, angry and eager to push everyone away and willing to poke and prod until the other person blew up first, yet she reached out. She apologized. </p><p>Adora didn’t know what to make of it. It stung. Realizing that she no longer knew Catra stung. </p><p>“We’re here,” the driver told her. </p><p>Adora blinked, then glanced out the window. The towering skyscraper blared white, reflecting the lights of the surrounding buildings. They were in the outskirts of the Fright Zone itself, near enough to the beach that when she stepped out of the car with a brief thanks to the driver she could smell the drifting sea salt of the ocean. </p><p>She hadn’t traveled too often to this area when she’d been a kid. Her mother hadn’t cared for the beach, content to drift along their home like a ghost. When Adora and Catra were older they caught buses to walk along the beach together, though they rarely stepped foot into the water. Catra had liked, instead, to drag Adora through the neighboring shopping district and point at every other ridiculous tourist attraction: the mannequins dressed in tacky beachwear; the overpriced tattoo parlors; the bars and clubs with their lights shut off during the day time, only their restaurants open at all with the sun out. </p><p>Prime Industries stood just as tall back then as it did now. It clashed with the modern art deco buildings surrounding it, too sleek and tall and state-of-the-art to fit in. </p><p>Adora tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. Even with the setting sun, it was too hot out. She could practically feel the humidity frizzing and curling the hair she let loose for once. </p><p>She pulled out her phone and called Catra. It rang twice before Catra picked up with a curt, <em> “Hello?”  </em></p><p>“Hey,” Adora said. “I’m outside. You here yet?” </p><p><em> “Yeah. I’ll come get you.” </em>  Then she hung up. </p><p>Cars zoomed past. Other guests were dropped off. Adora sat at a low white bench near a cluster of palm trees by the entrance, watching as limos and other cars circled the roundabout before guests got out. She wrung at the end of her knee-length dress. She twisted a loose thread round and round and round one of her fingers until it turned red, then white. The sun sat low on the horizon, reflecting off the geyser-like fountain at the very center of the roundabout. </p><p>Sitting at the mouth of the building still left her itching, like a mosquito bite at the bottom of a foot or a drop of sunscreen in the eye. </p><p>“Hey, Adora.” </p><p>She turned towards the familiar voice and froze. </p><p>Catra stood near the bench, hands in the pockets on her burgundy velvet trousers. She wore a matching suit jacket, loose over her slender frame, and a black button down. Her hair was slicked back with only a few locks of hair falling to frame her face, a stark contrast to the messy, tousled mess she let her hair sit when Adora last saw her. No shoes―of course. She wore black wrappings instead, like she usually did. </p><p>She looked good. With the setting sun, her skin glowed golden brown, her eyes bright, the corners crinkled as she smirked back at Adora. </p><p>“Guess we’re matching,” she said. </p><p>Adora swallowed thickly. She stood and smoothed at the skirt of her dress, then readjusted one of the thick straps of her dress. “Yeah, well, figured we might as well.” She nodded her chin at Catra. “Nice suit.” </p><p>“Nice dress.” She stepped close to Adora. Her smile fell. Before Adora could think on the expression, Catra reached up and gently pinched Adora’s chin between her thumb and index finger. “What happened to your face?” </p><p>“My face?” Adora stared down at Catra. It was weird to recognize that. She hadn’t noticed until Catra brought it up how tall she had grown in their time apart.</p><p>Catra raised an eyebrow. “Your lip. It’s busted.” </p><p>“Oh.” Her cheeks warmed. It was so hot outside. They should really go in before sweat stains collected at the back of her dress. “Right. Yeah. I kinda dropped my phone on my face.” </p><p>“Of course you did.” Catra shook her head. She let go, stuffing her hand into her pocket, then started to lead Adora in. “Think you can manage sitting in a room full of pretentious assholes without injuring yourself or others?” </p><p>Adora shoved at Catra’s shoulder with her own, falling into step beside her. “I can manage, you asshole.” </p><p>“Uh huh. Prove it.” </p><p>Despite the strong blast of AC as the doors slid open, Adora felt too warm. She averted her eyes, content instead to let them roam over the lobby with its ornate pillars, its shining marble floors. People in black suits and headsets roamed just as frequently as guests in their formal attire making their ways to the elevators. Security guards, she figured. </p><p>“How’d you even get invited to this thing?” asked Adora. </p><p>Catra shrugged. “The firm represents Prime Industries. It’s a perk, I guess.” They stepped into the elevator along with a cluster of people, packed so closely together that Adora and Catra stood pressed side-to-side, the velvet of Catra’s suit soft against the bare skin of Adora’s arm. </p><p>Still, she found herself scowling. When Catra mentioned working as a corporate lawyer, Adora hadn’t thought too deeply on it. Etheria was a large, sprawling city. Business boomed here. The appeal of Fright Zone University was its business and law schools. Prime Industries was the largest tech company in the country. </p><p>Adora just hadn’t thought Catra would work for them. </p><p>Catra showed their tickets to the bouncer. The ballroom was huge. Two of its walls were fully glass, granting a full view of the beach. Glass chandeliers hung on the ceiling and there was a dining area set up at one corner along with standing tables surrounding the dancing floor. A band played soft instrumental music from the stage, just barely louder than the steady hum of conversation and laughter. </p><p>Catra plucked two flutes of champagne off the tray of a passing server and handed one to Adora. She downed hers in one go. </p><p>Adora stared. </p><p>“What?” Another server walked by. Catra set the empty glass on their tray, then grabbed for a second glass. “Don’t give me that look. It’s been a long week.” </p><p>“Tell me about it,” Adora said. She took a sip of her own drink. </p><p>“Okay, ground rules?” At Adora’s nod, Catra continued. “We can’t get wasted, first of all. No matter how badly anything or anyone makes you want to drink yourself under the table. Got it?” </p><p>“I rarely drink.” </p><p>“Do I have to bring up the drunk texting?” </p><p>“That was one time.” </p><p>“Whatever, Adora. I’m sticking to a steady buzz, nothing more. You? That’s your only glass for the night.” </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine. Whatever. What else?” </p><p>“I’ll try to avoid it, but we’ll probably have to kiss ass to some of the worst people I’ve ever met tonight. Just...Just smile and bear it for a while, okay? Yes, they suck. Yes, you’ll want to go outside and scream for a bit. Yes, you’ll definitely wanna clock someone in the face.” Catra rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm. “It’ll go quicker if you don’t try to argue.” </p><p>Adora frowned. “Uh, do you even like your job?” </p><p>“Oh, I love it,” answered Catra. “Like I told you, I get to make a bunch of rich asswipes cry. Doesn’t mean I like everyone I work for.”</p><p>She wasn’t even going to try to unpack that. “Right. So. No getting wasted. No punching anyone. Anything else?” </p><p>“Not really. We can dip once they reach their goal, which’ll be in a few hours.” </p><p>“What’s the cause anyways?” </p><p>Catra opened her mouth, then closed it with a frown. Her eyebrows drew together. Her ear twitched. </p><p>“You don’t know?” </p><p>“I didn’t ask.” </p><p>“Catra!” </p><p>“What? It’s for a good cause, probably. What’s it matter?” </p><p>“How do you know it’s for a good cause? You didn’t ask. They could be raising money for anything like people that are anti vaxx or those groups that wanna tear down the Whispering Woods to set up a glam camp resort or literally any other weird shit.” </p><p>Catra scoffed. “Okay, I doubt it’s for any of that bullshit.” </p><p>Adora rested a hand on her hip. “How would you know?” </p><p>“It’s to help build health clinics in rural areas,” a new voice answered. Both Adora and Catra turned, though Catra’s face inexplicably paled. The newcomer had long blond hair draped over a shoulder, the sides of their head cleanly shaven. They stood taller than Adora in their heeled boots. When they stopped next to Catra, they plucked the champagne from her hand and took a sip with a smile, readjusting their white fur shawl over their shimmering silver dress. “You should know that, kitten. Didn’t Hordak tell you?” </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he did. Guess I didn’t listen.” </p><p>“You need to work on those listening skills. You really think he’ll make you partner when you keep antagonizing him like this?” </p><p>“Oh, fuck off, Double Trouble. You know he will.” </p><p>Double Trouble grinned, all teeth. “If you say so. Now, why don’t you introduce me to your little friend? You really have no manners.” </p><p>“You’re one to lecture me on that,” said Catra. She gestured towards Adora with a flap of the hand. “Adora, Double Trouble. Double Trouble, Adora.” </p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Adora said, holding her hand out. </p><p>The grin on Double Trouble’s face turned brighter. They shook Adora’s hand with their free hand, except they continued to hold it as they leaned forward. “Adora. My, I’ve heard so much about you.” </p><p>Adora frowned. “You have?” </p><p>“The childhood best friend. How couldn’t I have? You’re basically in every story our kitten has before she hit college.” </p><p>Catra reached for Adora, pulling her hand out of Double Trouble’s. She glared at them. “Don’t you have a script to throw at people or something?” </p><p>“Always,” they answered. They waved as they walked off. “I’ll see you on Monday, kitten.” </p><p>“Bite me,” she threw back. </p><p>She hadn’t let go of Adora’s wrist. </p><p>Adora didn’t pull away, even as she lost sight of Double Trouble to the crowd. Instead, she asked, “So...what the fuck was that?” </p><p>“That,” she drawled out, “was my ex.” </p><p>Suddenly the animosity made sense. The rising need to step outside and take a breather on Adora’s end, though, didn’t. <em> “Kitten?”  </em></p><p>“Ugh, please don’t.” </p><p>“Seriously?” </p><p>“I hate it as much as you. At least my other ex managed to figure out pet names that didn’t make me wanna hurl,” she said. “Anyways, you hungry or what?” </p><p>Before Adora had the chance to answer, Catra pulled Adora towards one of the buffet tables, only letting go of Adora when they reached their destination. Adora watched as Catra piled a plate with food. She barely paid attention to her own plate; and then she barely paid attention when they both sat to eat and listen to a speech by one of the leaders of the charity Prime Industries was hosting for the night. </p><p>It was for a good cause after all, was all she gleaned. She followed Catra around as she chatted with coworkers and other clients. She talked to a few of them as well, stumbling over the basics of small talk that Catra seemed to have mastered in their time apart. They mingled, they drank, they made their way around the room, and Adora couldn’t help but wonder what she was even doing here. </p><p>Catra thrived here. Despite what she said earlier, she never showed her hand; her face betrayed no annoyance or dislike. She charmed everyone she spoke to unlike Adora with her occasional fumbling. It made no sense for Adora to be here. Catra had to have known that. She had always known Adora’s tendencies of stumbling through these kinds of interactions. </p><p>Adora excused herself from their circle of conversation. She only stopped to ask one of the security guards for directions to the bathroom. The bathroom was large, its lights dimmed low, its mirrors tall. The sinks alone could fit two of her bathroom’s sink. </p><p>Thankfully it was empty. No one was around to watch when Adora splashed her face wet, nor as she gripped the edge of the counter and counted her breaths. </p><p>The door opened. Adora’s head snapped up and she met Catra’s eyes. </p><p>“You good?” she asked. </p><p>“Yeah. I’m fine,” she answered. She straightened up and turned back to her reflection, smoothing her hair. The cut on her lip, just barely scabbed over, split it in half. The bruise was worse than the wound itself, dark and purple and shadowing her lower lip onto her chin. </p><p>She caught out of the corner of her eye as Catra came to stand next to her, leaning back against the sink. “I’m pretty sure they’ll hit their goal soon. We can leave when you want.” </p><p>“That’s fine. Whenever you want.”</p><p>A scoff. Adora turned to look at Catra. “I said when <em> you </em> want, Adora. Don’t be self-sacrificial. You’re miserable.” </p><p>“Is it that obvious?” </p><p>“My assistant asked, like, five times what she did to offend you.” </p><p>“You have an assistant?” </p><p>“You just had a ten minute conversation with her, you dummy,” laughed Catra. “Look, I really do appreciate that you came, y’know, especially after everything. You didn’t have to. I know I was an asshole.” </p><p>“You always were, to be fair.”  </p><p>“So were you.” Catra smiled. “These things are...pretentious, and shallow, and these people are less concerned with actually helping others and more about helping each other get richer. It’s annoying, but it helps the firm keep our clients and get a few new ones. It’s all a little easier when I have an actual friend here with me.” </p><p>Adora hesitated. “So you want to be friends again?” </p><p>“I mean, yeah.” Catra’s eyes roamed over Adora’s face. “Isn’t that what you want too?”</p><p>“Of course. I just―I guess I’m just not used to you actually being so―so open, I guess? Or communicative?” She rubbed at the back of her neck. “No offense.” </p><p>“None taken.” Catra tapped at her temple. “Therapy. It surprisingly works.” She pushed herself off the counter and held a hand out. “Twenty more minutes, then how about I treat you to whatever fast food you want?” </p><p><em> “Whatever </em> I want?” </p><p>“That’s what I said.” </p><p>Adora grinned. She grabbed Catra’s hand. “I’d like that.” </p><p>
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</p><p>“Catra.” </p><p>Tail stiff and tall behind her, she turned. Adora watched as her expression smoothed over. “Hordak.”</p><p>His eyes, glowing red, flickered from Catra to Adora. A frown etched over his face. “I wasn’t aware you had a new partner.” </p><p>“She’s a friend,” she said.</p><p>Adora held her hand out. “Nice to meet you, sir. My name’s Adora.” </p><p>He looked down at her hand, then met her eyes again. He stared, and he stared, until Adora dropped her hand and stuffed it into her pocket. </p><p>“Have you spoken with Prime yet?” He turned back to Catra. “He was displeased last I spoke with him. He said you’ve been avoiding him.” </p><p>“I haven’t. Just haven’t found him yet.” </p><p>“Well search for him then, you insolent brat. You know what he’ll do if you upset him―” </p><p>“Hey!” Adora stepped between them. She settled a hand on Catra’s shoulder, but turned to Hordak, eyes narrowed. “Don’t talk to her like that. I don’t care who you are. You don’t get to just insult people because you feel like it.” </p><p>“Who do you think <em> you </em> are,” he managed through gritted teeth, “to interrupt us? I’ll talk to her however I please―” </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think so,” said Catra, shrugging off Adora’s hand. She raised an eyebrow, calm as anything as she stared up at a man over a foot taller than her. “Don’t lash out at me for your fucking daddy issues. We both know who’s his favorite anyways, so how about you go back to whatever corner you crawled out of?” </p><p>In the stretch of silence that passed, Hordak pulled back, face shuttered blank, before he smoothed back the patch of blue hair on his head. </p><p>“I’ll see you Monday, Catra.” </p><p>She didn’t respond. He walked away. </p><p>“Don’t let him bother you,” continued Catra. She touched Adora’s bare shoulder, the corner of her mouth curling into a smile. “He’s always like that.” </p><p>“Who the fuck does he think he is?” asked Adora. </p><p>“My boss.” </p><p>A beat of silence. “You guys talk to each other like that.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. A dull, steady throb of pain drummed at her temples. “He hasn’t fired you for talking back?” </p><p>Catra snorted. “He’ll never fire me. I’m the only reason he still has a firm.” </p><p>A round of applause erupted throughout the room. Up on the stage, the giant neon sign with the projected monetary goal lit up as the current amount finally surpassed it. </p><p>“Yay,” deadpanned Catra. “We did it.” </p><p>“Did you donate anything?” </p><p>She paused. She stared back at Adora. </p><p>“Catra, are you kidding me?” </p><p>“I’m pretty sure I did. I lose count sometimes?” Her hand squeezed Adora’s shoulder, palm warm and calloused against her skin. Goosebumps rose across her arms, and she only just noticed the chill of the room despite the packed crowd, the earlier heat of the day beat out by the strong AC. </p><p>Catra smiled, her face soft, and said, “Come on,” just as she grabbed Adora’s hand. She tugged Adora forward, navigating her way through the crowd. She only let go once they stepped foot into the elevator. </p><p>“Did you drive here?” asked Catra right as the elevator stopped at the empty lobby. </p><p>Following her out, Adora answered, “Nope. Ubered.” </p><p>“Me too.” She pulled out her phone. “Where do you wanna go?” </p><p>Adora hesitated. She watched as Catra scrolled through her phone, the tip of one of her fangs peeking out between her lips, her brows furrowed. Bits of hair escaped her otherwise neat hair. </p><p>“Maybe I should head home,” she answered. Catra looked up, scowling. “It’s late. I don’t really know if I have it in me to eat right now.” </p><p>“Uh, sorry, did you get kidnapped and replaced? Since when don’t you want a midnight snack?” She raised an eyebrow. </p><p>Adora shrugged. She hugged her arms. “It’s a long drive home. I told my roommates I wouldn’t be out too late.” </p><p>“Wait, where do you live?” </p><p>“Bright Moon.” </p><p>“That’s, like, 40 minutes away,” said Catra. She unlocked her phone again, then started typing something out, her claws tapping softly against the glass. “You can stay in my guest room. I’m not gonna have you ride in some weirdo’s car that long this late.” </p><p>“It’s seriously not a problem.” </p><p>“You’re basically begging to have your face on a milk carton.” </p><p>She paused; blinked once, twice. “Do they still even do that for missing people?” </p><p>“Fuck if I know. I don’t drink milk.” Catra headed for the door. “You coming or what? The car’s here.” </p><p>“Do you seriously have a guest room?” Adora fell into step beside her. A dark, black car sat waiting for them at the roundabout and she slid into the backseat after Catra. “I can go home, really. I don’t mind.” </p><p>“I live basically ten minutes away from here. We could’ve walked if it weren’t this late. I can drive you back home in the morning if you want or you can call an Uber. Whichever. But it’s like 1 A.M., Adora, just text your roommates if you’re that worried.” </p><p>She gnawed at the inside of her cheek. Catra looked away, staring down at her phone, scrolling through whatever she was looking at. Her eyes glowed bright, shifting shades of blue and gold with the blurring city lights. </p><p>With a sigh, Adora pulled her own phone out of her pocket. Bow and Glimmer would understand. </p><p>
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</p><p>“You know when you said your job paid well,” said Adora, “I didn’t think you meant you were <em> loaded.”  </em></p><p>In the end, it was only a ten minute drive. Catra didn’t even ask Adora for her half of the Uber payment; just thanked the driver and helped Adora out of the car before leading her inside of the towering apartment complex labeled <em> The Forge. </em> It was even closer to the beach than Prime Industries, with security guards posted in the lobby and a closed for the night valet stand outside. </p><p>Catra had been quiet as she led Adora through the building. At some point during the car ride she had shrugged off her jacket and let it drape folded over her arm. It was a struggle for Adora to keep her eyes from falling to the open collar of her dark shirt, the top few buttons open revealing a path of brown skin. Better, safer, really to instead gape at the life Catra found for herself in the years apart. </p><p>The apartment Adora found herself in looked like the inside of an interior decorating magazine. It was easily double the size of the three bedroom she lived in with Bow and Glimmer for the past few years. The kitchen alone could hold Adora’s room. She could imagine Glimmer drooling over the kitchen island, the double door fridge, let alone the dishwasher. </p><p>Glimmer probably could’ve gotten a better place at some point, Adora knew, but she was stubborn and refused to use her mother’s money. Regardless of the excuses she threw Adora’s way, she also knew that she just didn’t want to leave Adora to go searching for a roommate just yet. </p><p>While Catra hung her jacket in the coat closet by the entrance, Adora pulled off her flats, leaving them by the front door, and padded her way to the living room with its large flat screen TV, its L-shaped leather couch as long as Adora’s room was wide. There were framed pictures here and there: mostly of Catra with a buff white-haired women and a shorter woman with long, purple pigtails; some of Catra graduating; there was even one of her and Adora, no older than maybe fix or six, grinning close at the camera with their cheeks squished together, dressed in overalls. Their kindergarten field trip to the petting zoo, she remembered. A boy in their class had pushed Adora to the ground and Catra, the smallest of their class, had kicked him in the shin; had yelled insult after insult until he ran off crying. </p><p>It had always been like that. Catra, looking out for Adora. Adora, looking out for Catra. </p><p>“What’re you smiling at?” Catra came to stand beside Adora, then smiled when she handed her the frame. “Huh. You really were born with a ponytail.” </p><p>“Shut up,” she laughed. “I can’t believe you still have this.” </p><p>“Yeah, well.” Catra shrugged, setting the picture frame back on the table. </p><p>Adora bumped her shoulder against hers. “I have a bunch too, y’know. You remember the 8th grade field trip to the Space Center?” </p><p>“You mean the one where you got sick on the bus ride there and we missed out on everything?”</p><p>“You stayed with me,” said Adora. “You could’ve gone with the rest of the group, but you stayed.” </p><p>The look Catra leveled her way was indescribable. The unknowing stung again. There was a time where Adora could read even the most minute shift in expression on Catra’s face. The slightest twitch of the nose or the most subtle flick of the ear was enough for Adora to understand just what thought crossed Catra’s mind, but now―</p><p>“Of course I did,” she said, finally. The two of them stood close together. The smallest step forward would breach the space between them. She met Adora’s eyes, unwavering as she tilted her chin up. “That’s just what we used to do, right?” </p><p>The past tense settled heavy and cold in the pit of her stomach. Still, Adora nodded. “Yeah, it was.” She paused; considered the words before she threw them in the open, until she instead landed on: “Thanks for letting me spend the night. It’s nice of you.” </p><p>“I can be nice.” </p><p>“Oh, just the sweetest.” </p><p>“Fuck you, I’m a sweetheart.” </p><p>Adora laughed. “There you go proving my point, Mother Teresa.” </p><p>“Gross,” said Catra. She shoved at Adora’s shoulder, then frowned when Adora didn’t budge even an inch. Grinning, Adora raised an eyebrow. Catra’s cheeks turned an interesting shade of red. “What are you? Made of stone?” </p><p>“Nah. You’re just soft.”</p><p>“Not all of us turned into giant meatheads, princess.” </p><p>“You’re right. Some of us turn into mean lawyers. When’s the last time you made someone cry?”</p><p>“Just yesterday, but it’s not too late to change that.” </p><p>“I’m terrified.” </p><p>Catra said, “You should be,” and her smile was soft, teasing, everything like Adora remembered her to be. The smile of the girl she had grown up loving, fitted to the face of a woman she no longer knew. </p><p>Something must’ve shifted on her own face: Catra’s brows pulled together, and she reached forward, hand soft against Adora’s shoulder. “Hey, you okay?” </p><p>Adora had never been good with words, not like Catra. It was Catra who crafted every excuse whenever they skipped school to run off together; who stood her ground and convinced everyone of whatever point she was making without pushing too far. Adora, though, always let her body speak for her. </p><p>She cradled Catra’s face in her hands and kissed her. </p><p>Catra’s breath caught against her mouth. Her lips were soft, not chapped and dry like their first kiss so long ago. When Adora broke away, ready to apologize, Catra surged forward, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her flush against her, and kissed Adora back. </p><p>She kissed her like she’d been thinking about it all night like Adora had; like the need had itched underneath her skin with every touch they shared throughout the night. </p><p>It was nothing like the chaste brush of lips when they were teenagers. Adora untucked Catra’s shirt from the waistband of her pants, and Catra scraped her nails against the nape of Adora’s neck, and Adora felt at once both too outside and too aware of her own body. </p><p>When Catra pulled away to breathe, “My room’s down the hall,” Adora followed. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*taps the slowburn tag* </p><p>catra's suit: <a href="https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1pa8SaogQMeJjy0Fgq6A5dXXaD/NEW-2017-Burgundy-Velvet-ladies-office-uniform-pant-suits-for-women-business-suits-2-piece-set.jpg">x</a><br/>adora's dress: <a href="https://i.pinimg.com/564x/b2/aa/59/b2aa591537fdbc45f274a844df5eb403.jpg">x</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. same mistake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i upped the rating for suggestive themes + implied sexual content! will say tho that i don't write smut, so don't expect that lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By default, Catra was a late riser. Even when Shadow Weaver tried and tried again to rid her of the habit, she never quite got used to waking any time before noon. She was always groggy; irritable. It took fifteen different alarms all set within a two minute interval for her to wake up on time for work. </p><p>She woke up early that morning. </p><p>A hand pressed warm and lazy against the soft flat of her belly. It took a moment for Catra to remember whose arm it was slung over her waist, and then another moment for her to talk herself out of running out of her own bedroom. </p><p>It wasn’t like they hadn’t cuddled before. It wasn’t like Catra hadn’t spent years waking to the brush of Adora’s sleepy breaths against the back of her neck. They had been casually affectionate growing up, every touch as natural as dew on morning grass or heavy beating summer heat. </p><p>She forced herself to inhale; exhale. The blankets had been kicked off at some point during the night. Adora’s doing, probably. She had always tossed and turned throughout the night, and it looked like the years hadn’t rid her of the habit. Nor had it rid her tendency to cling to Catra as if she were her favorite stuffed toy. </p><p>Catra laid there, stiff, and stared at her open door. Sunlight streamed through her windows. She hadn’t bothered to close her light-blocking curtains before bed and it lit her entire room bright. She could clearly see the messily discarded clothes on the floor, along with the mess her room had been in before they stumbled in here the previous night. </p><p>She hadn’t been embarrassed then. She was mortified in more ways than one, now. </p><p>Adora groaned, quiet and groggy. She buried her face against the curve of Catra’s shoulder, her breath warm against her bare skin. She pulled her close, arm wrapped tight against her waist, and Catra wanted to die. </p><p>Sure, she went on dates. They were rare, but they happened when Catra was a little too bored. They never made it back to her apartment, though. She could tally off her body count with one hand, and it was embarrassing to admit that she still worked with both of them. </p><p>She didn’t do <em> this. </em> </p><p>She also didn’t cuddle. </p><p>Steeling herself, she dragged herself out of Adora’s hold. She heard her stirring behind her, but she didn’t turn. She randomly grabbed clothes out of her dresser and dashed to the bathroom, just barely managing to shut the door right as Adora managed a sleepy, “Catra?” </p><p>The short shower did nothing to clear her head. All she could think of was Adora, her calloused hands cradling her face. Adora, kissing her like she was something treasured. </p><p>She got shampoo in her eye for that one. </p><p>By the time she dried off and pulled on her clothes, she expected―hoped, actually―Adora to be gone. Instead, when she opened her door, Adora jumped and threw her phone behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in her clothes from the previous night. </p><p>“Uh, hi,” she said. She adjusted the strap of her dress, covering a dark mark on the edge of her collarbone. “I, uh, I―Good morning?” </p><p>“Morning.” Catra stood in place. They stared at one another, and it was so stupid, so ridiculous, that she almost burst into laughter. “Your roommates didn’t file a missing persons report, did they?” </p><p>“No,” she answered. “They just asked when I’d be home.” </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Adora blinked up at her with those stupid big, blue eyes of hers. Dumb of her to look to Catra to figure out where they stood now. It wasn’t like Catra knew any better than her. She had barely begun to process that Adora had been the one to kiss her first. </p><p>“Do you―” she stopped. Her cheek hollowed, probably gnawing at the inside. Her hair was a mess. Catra couldn’t begin to guess how long she’d spent growing it out. “Is your offer to drop me off still good?”</p><p>It shouldn’t be. If she were sane, if she thought things out clearly, saying no was the logical answer. She didn’t do this kind of thing ever, but even she knew driving your estranged childhood best friend for almost an hour all the way to another town after sleeping together crossed some kind of line. </p><p>“Sure,” she said anyways, like an idiot. Then, because she was even dumber than she thought possible: “Do you wanna borrow some clothes? No offense, but you, uh, look kinda…” </p><p>Adora’s face matched her dress. “We’re not exactly the same size.” </p><p>“I stole a few of my old roommate’s clothes.” She made her way to her closet and dug around until she found one of Scorpia’s old FZU shirts and a pair of biker shorts. She tossed them to Adora, careful to keep her eyes above the collar. “They’ll probably be a little big. You can use the shower if you want.” </p><p>“Okay. Thanks,” she said. </p><p>She remained sitting, staring up at Catra, except Catra couldn’t decipher the expression. The years apart hadn’t changed how open Adora was, but this was uncharted territory. </p><p>She jabbed a thumb towards the door. “I’ll be out there. So. Just let me know when you wanna head out, I guess.” </p><p>She didn’t wait for an answer; just shut the door behind her before hiding her face in her hands. </p><p>
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</p><p>There was nothing in Bright Moon for her. She shouldn’t have offered to drive Adora back home in the first place, but it had felt like the nice thing to do at the time. She’d had every intention of leaving Adora to her guest room. </p><p>Now here she was stuck in a car with Adora fiddling with the radio station, driving to an area she rarely ever stepped foot in. Neither of them exchanged more than a few words since Adora showered and changed. It was fine. It was more than fine. </p><p>Except they had wanted to try again at being <em> friends. </em> </p><p>It was just like Adora to pull this. It was like their first kiss all over again: Adora taking the initiative and then leaving Catra to fumble with the aftermath. They hadn’t talked about it then. She doubted they were going to talk about this now. </p><p>Adora paused on one station, her brows furrowed, and then switched to another. </p><p>“Oh my god, just pick one already!” </p><p>“Sorry!” Adora snatched her hand away from the console. She sat rigid in her seat, hands folded on her lap, staring straight ahead save for the occasional glances she threw Catra’s way from the corner of her eye. </p><p>Catra sighed. “What?” </p><p>“This is weird, right?” </p><p>“No, I sleep with all my old childhood best friends. This is totally normal.” She forced a breath out through her nose. “Sorry. Yeah, it’s weird.” </p><p>“We can just, y’know, forget about it, I guess? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like―I don’t know. I don’t want it to be weird. I still want to be friends.” When Catra chanced a look Adora’s way, she was staring out the window, wringing at her hands on her lap. “It was just in the moment, and I totally get if you’re, like, freaked out or something―” </p><p>“Adora.” </p><p>“―you were being nice and I just, I don’t know? I didn’t really think, and you’re way better at actually articulating yourself than me, so this is probably all coming out wrong anyways―” </p><p>“Adora,” Catra said sharply. Adora turned to look at her, but Catra kept her eyes firmly on the road. “It’s fine. We’re two consenting adults. It’s weird, but it’s fine. We can just move on.” </p><p>“You’re not mad?” </p><p>“Why would I be mad?” She rolled her eyes. “We got that tension out of the way, it’ll never happen again, now we can be friends without―” she gestured at the space between them, pointedly staring forward “―that, I guess. So. It’s fine. We’re good.”  </p><p>Out of the corner of her eye she saw as Adora’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Oh, thank god. I was losing my mind.” </p><p>“I don’t think you had one to lose in the first place.” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>“Don’t think I will,” she answered. She nodded her chin towards the glove compartment. “There’s an AUX cable in there. Put us both out of our misery and play your own music.” </p><p>The smile Adora threw her way was blinding. “So, friends?” </p><p>“Yeah, dummy,” she answered. “Friends.” </p><p>
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</p><p>Adora texted her every day for the next two weeks. </p><p>When they were younger they barely went hours without seeing each other, and when they did they were always messaging one another. It drove their teachers crazy. It drove their mothers off the walls. </p><p>Cutting Adora off had been hard. Getting used to going about her day without pulling out her phone to update Adora took a ridiculous amount of effort that she never put words to. It was what she had to do, so she did it. She managed. She got used to the silence. </p><p>It wasn’t silent, now. </p><p>It was like dipping her toe into water, only to slip and crash in. There were hours of silence, obviously, but every time Catra pulled out her phone throughout the day she could expect some reply. It was stupid shit: memes that Adora thought were funny, or her complaining about her job or her roommates, or literally any vapid thought that fluttered through her head as if Catra needed to know every minute of her day. </p><p>Not that Catra was any better, really. She sent pictures of the view from her office, and she sent memes that were <em> actually </em> funny, and she vented about her job more often than not. </p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>I still owe you a zoo tour!</em></p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> do you want me to get heat stroke?  </em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>It’s not that bad</em></p><p>Catra sent a picture of the weather forecast for the day, pointedly highlighting the heat index glaring 105 degrees Fahrenheit. </p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>:( </em></p><p>By all accounts, it should’ve been awkward. Catra couldn’t exactly forget that night, but she chalked it up to some degree of touch starvation. She and Double Trouble had broken up more than a year ago. She was bound to have gotten lonely at some point. That didn’t mean she’d latch onto Adora, though. Not when everything was so tentative between the two. Not when Adora stared back at Catra that morning like she was at as much a loss as Catra on where to go from there. </p><p>Still, it was fine. Things were fine. They had their own lives, and they were both busy with their own business, and Catra could pretend nothing happened, just like Adora seemed content to. </p><p>
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</p><p>“It’s the blonde, isn’t it?” </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes and stuffed her phone into the inside pocket of her jacket. Sitting at the very edge of her desk was Double Trouble, one leg crossed over the other. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>They grinned, their teeth glinting. “You’re always smiling at your phone. Word around the office is that you’ve got yourself a new sweetheart.” </p><p>“Right, because office gossip is always so reliable.” </p><p>“It was about us.” </p><p>“That’s because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.” Catra rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat. “Shouldn’t you be ruining someone else’s time?” </p><p>“Actually, your lovely little assistant managed to pencil me in for your lunch today. So I’m scheduled to ruin <em> your </em> time, kitten.” </p><p>“Remind me to fire her.”</p><p>Double Trouble pressed a hand to their chest. “You wouldn’t.” </p><p>She raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t I?” </p><p>They laughed, leaning back with their weight on one arm. “Listen, you know that if you’re seeing someone new I’ll be ecstatic. You don’t have to hide it. You won’t hurt my feelings.” </p><p>“First off all: I’m not seeing anyone. And second of all, you know damn well I’m not taking your feelings into account.” She stood and pulled her wallet out of the drawer before stuffing it into her pocket. “Are we getting lunch or what?” </p><p>“Your treat?” </p><p>“Isn’t it always?” </p><p>“Every day I despair at the fact I let you go.” </p><p>“Sure you do.” </p><p>They stepped out of the office and made their way towards the elevators. They waited for one to come up, Double Trouble scrolling through their own phone while Catra stood with her arms crossed. </p><p>It had been a slow day, thankfully. Hordak had left her alone for the most part, and she’d spent most of her morning drafting a few documents that she’d been putting off for a while. She was already itching for the weekend. </p><p>The elevator doors slid open. The two of them stepped in. Just as they were about to shut, a bone-white hand slid between the opening. Horde Prime smiled, his eyes crinkled at the corners. </p><p>“My apologies,” he said. He stepped between them. Even Double Trouble looked ill at ease in his presence, but Catra kept her face blank. “My luck that I managed to catch you both.” </p><p>“It’s nice to see you again,” answered Catra. “Were you visiting Hordak?” </p><p>“Hardly. I was hoping to see Entrapta, actually, but it seems she’s out sick for the day.” He shrugged. His third and fourth eye lingered on Double Trouble, even as he kept his attention firmly on Catra. “It’s good to catch the two of you. Running off to lunch?” </p><p>“Just for an hour,” said Double Trouble. “Have you heard of Thaymor?” </p><p>“The new seafood place, correct?” </p><p>“That’s the one.” </p><p>“I’d love to join you, if you’ll take me.” </p><p>Catra met Double Trouble’s eyes. They managed to wipe their expression clean. She flicked her gaze back to Prime, her lips twisting in a smile that sat cold on her face. “Of course. It’d be a pleasure.” </p><p>It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d invited himself anyways. </p><p>Lunch went on longer than the hour she was usually allowed. Prime talked, and talked, and talked. Where Hordak radiated anger and unresolved familial issues, Prime oozed pride. He loved to hear himself talk more than Double Trouble loved the spotlight. </p><p>He spent time outlining some of the new inventions his company was working on, as well as some of the legal ramifications she and her team should be preparing for. He asked Double Trouble about the play they’d been writing for a few months now. It was standard. It was expected. But: </p><p>“You know, Catra,” he said, dipping a slice of bread into his plate of pasta, “you didn’t introduce me to your little friend during the gala.” </p><p>She paused, her fork raised midway to her mouth. “Oh,” she managed, setting her food back on her plate. “Yeah, sorry about that. I couldn’t find you.” </p><p>“What a shame. I saw you both from afar. There was something so...familiar about her, though I can’t quite place what.” </p><p>She shrugged, picking her fork back up. Across the table, Double Trouble stayed silent for once. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, sir.” </p><p>He sighed, resting his chin on one hand. “Yes, I suppose I will. Should things get serious, do bring her along to my office one day. I’d love to get acquainted.” </p><p>“It’s not...like that.” </p><p>He raised an eyebrow, staring back at her with four unblinking eyes. Even now, after years of working for him, the sight left her pinned to her spot, as if he could see through her skin, right down to the sinew, the marrow. </p><p>“If you say so.” </p><p>
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</p><p>“So if I adopt a penguin―” </p><p>“You aren’t adopting a penguin,” said Angella. </p><p>Frosta scowled. She was taller than Glimmer now. Hardly an accomplishment, really, and she was still shorter than everyone else. </p><p>Adora hid her smile. From her place across the kitchen island, Frosta flipped her off. </p><p>“I saw that, dear.” Angella held out a spoon. “Taste this and let me know what you think.” </p><p>Frosta scrunched up her face. She looked to Adora, Bow, and Glimmer for help, except they were all shaking with the effort not to laugh. </p><p>“Traitors,” she muttered, then accepted the spoon. As soon as she poked her tongue out to taste the sauce, her face turned green. </p><p>Angella sighed. She looked back at the saucepan, a scowl marring her otherwise flawless face. “I swear I followed the exact recipe―” </p><p>“Face it, mom,” said Glimmer, chin in hand, “you just aren’t a good cook. You should’ve waited for dad.” </p><p>“I shouldn’t have to rely on your father for something as simple as a meal.” </p><p>“It’s not about relying so much as accepting your own limitations.” </p><p>“Is that what you tell yourself when you let Bow do all the cooking in that apartment of yours?” </p><p>“He doesn’t do all the cooking―” </p><p>“He kinda does,” added Adora. Glimmer leveled a glare her way and she raised her hands in defeat. “I’m just saying.” </p><p>“Whose side are you on?” </p><p>“No one’s. I just want food. I’m starving.” She looked to Angella, face warm. “Sorry, ma’am.” </p><p>“It’s alright, Adora.” She turned off the stove and began to untie her apron. “I suppose we can just order in for dinner tonight while we wait for Micah. Glimmer, do you know where the menus are?” </p><p>“Did you move them again?” asked Glimmer, sliding off her stool. “Why do you keep moving them?” </p><p>As the two of them began to bicker, Frosta hopped onto the stool next to Adora and turned to her with a wide grin. She settled her hands on her knees and leaned forward. </p><p>“Frosta, your mom already said no to the penguins,” Adora sighed. She glanced at Bow for help, but he shrugged and looked back at his phone. “I’m not getting into this.” </p><p>“But Adora, you work at the zoo. You can explain the entire thing to her.” </p><p>“She’s just going to tell you to use your own money again. I’m not going to be able to convince her otherwise.” </p><p>Frosta pouted at her. She was as doe-eyed as the day they met. </p><p>Adora groaned. She buried her face in her hands. “Shouldn’t you be studying for the SAT or something?” </p><p>“I already took it!” </p><p>“Glimmer said you’re retaking it,” added Bow. </p><p>“Traitor. All of you are traitors.” Frosta hopped off the stool and made her way to the still bickering Angella and Glimmer. She pulled open a drawer nearby the fridge, then slammed a bunch of flyers against Glimmer’s chest. </p><p>Angella and Glimmer both went quiet. Frosta rolled her eyes before heading off to her room. </p><p>“Well,” Angella said, “that’s that.” </p><p>Glimmer brought the flyers back to Adora and Bow, spreading them over the island. Once they all decided on what to eat, Angella ordered and dispersed off to somewhere in the large house. The three of them stayed where they were, chatting about nothing. </p><p>It wasn’t until Adora’s phone, resting facedown on the counter, buzzed that Glimmer raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“What?” asked Adora. </p><p>“Nothing.” She pulled herself up to sit on the island, sock clad feet swinging in the air. She sat close enough to Bow that the side of her thigh pressed against his arm. “I didn’t say anything.” </p><p>Adora scowled. Her fingers itched to reach for her phone, but she kept her arms crossed over her chest. </p><p>“Did Perfuma ever explain what exactly in your chart makes you this much of a little shit?” </p><p>“Shut up and check your phone.” </p><p>Bow sighed. “Glimmer, leave her alone.” </p><p>“Oh, as if you aren’t as curious about Adora’s mystery girl.” </p><p>“She’s not my girl,” she said, voice curiously high. “I told you nothing happened.” </p><p>“Well…” Bow threw her an apologetic look. “You know you’re a bad liar, right?”</p><p>“Frosta was right. You are a traitor.” </p><p>“No, he’s just on my side,” said Glimmer.</p><p>“What a shocker,” Adora deadpanned. </p><p>She grabbed her phone, unlocking it to find a message from Catra confirming their plans for the next day. She sent a quick thumbs up, then looked back at her friends to find them both staring at her with expectant faces. “Are you guys going to keep doing that or are we gonna pick a movie before Micah gets here?” </p><p>Glimmer’s face blanched. She all but threw herself back onto the floor. “I’m not dropping this. I just can’t sit through another Nicolas Cage movie.” </p><p>“Or another <em> Mall Cop. </em> Why does your dad think they’re so funny?” added Bow. </p><p>“I don’t know. He has no taste.” </p><p>In the end, Micah had them all sit down and watch <em> The Kissing Booth, </em> of all things. He mentioned it with a smile, and when Bow prepared to tell him what it was actually about, a delighted Frosta slapped a hand over his mouth and said, “We gotta see it.” </p><p>Adora sat on the ground next to Bow whose head was resting against Glimmer’s legs, sharing a bowl of popcorn. Glimmer sat on the sofa with her family, swapping comments back and forth with Frosta. </p><p>Family movie nights were frequent. Bow had been invited to them since he and Glimmer met in middle school. Once Adora met them in college, she’d been brought along as much as possible. Angella and Micah folded her into their little family so quickly that she’d hardly been surprised when they adopted Frosta a few months later. </p><p>A quarter of the way into the movie, Adora’s phone buzzed. </p><p>She fished it out of the pocket of her hoodie, unsurprised to find a notification from Catra. </p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> wyd </em></p><p><b>Adora: </b> <em> Watching a bad movie with my roommates and their family. Hbu? </em> </p><p>She watched as three little dots appeared on the screen, then disappeared, then appeared again until they eventually vanished altogether. With a shrug, she stuffed her phone back in her pocket and stole some popcorn from Bow. </p><p>Half an hour later, her phone buzzed again.  </p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>got dtrgeagd to a bdright moon bar could yu rescue me</em></p><p><b>Adora: </b> <em> ...Are you drunk?  </em></p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> yeah that's why i'm asking you to pqick me up </em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>It’s like 8 how are you already drunk?</em></p><p><b>Catra:</b> 🖕🖕🖕🖕😽😽🖕🖕🖕</p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>Send me the address dumbass I’ll come get you </em></p><p>As soon as Catra pinged her location, Adora pulled herself up from her spot. With a quick excuse to everyone, she headed out, thankful that she hadn’t carpooled with Bow and Glimmer after work. </p><p>The address Catra sent her wasn’t far at all. It was at most a fifteen minute drive with traffic. It was weird that she was in Bright Moon in the first place, but Adora wasn’t about to question what she did when they were apart. </p><p>She parked on the street only a few paces away from the bar’s entrance and sent Catra a quick text letting her know she arrived. She barely had to wait a few minutes: Catra stepped out, dressed in dark slacks and a burgundy shirt with the collar cut low enough that Adora forced her eyes up. Catra opened the passenger door and slid into the seat with a heavy sigh. </p><p>“Thanks,” she muttered. </p><p>There were bags underneath her eyes. Her hair was tousled, sticking up in spikes at odd places. It suited her better than the slicked back style she wore to the gala. It reminded Adora of her as a teenager, her hair long and messy, curls frizzy always but especially after too much time outdoors, the humidity increasing its sheer volume. She never let anyone touch it, especially her mother, but sometimes when she slept over Adora’s house she’d let her try to work through the curls with a brush when it was wet. </p><p>It was a hassle, Catra had always complained. Shorning it off had probably been her solution. </p><p>“So,” Adora started, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel, “burgers?”</p><p>Catra snorted. She sat fully leaned back against the seat, eyes closed. “God, yeah. I’m starving.” </p><p>Adora stopped at the nearest drive-thru, ordering the greasiest burgers and fries off the menu. She rarely drank; had found out during college exactly how loopy she got when she had even the smallest intake of alcohol, but she did have a specific get sober routine that included stuffing herself stupid with fast food. </p><p>She parked her car in the lot and the two of them ate in companionable silence. Probably would’ve been better to eat indoors, but Catra looked comfortable even if a little out of place inside of Adora’s beat up car. </p><p>“I ever mention that I hate Bright Moon?” she managed through a mouthful of food. </p><p>“Once or twice.” </p><p>“Hm. Remind me to say it more.” </p><p>“Mind me asking why you’re here in the first place?” </p><p>Catra groaned. Her head fell back against the headrest, and Adora forced her gaze from the long, elegant line of her neck to her face. “A few of us were having dinner with a client a few blocks away, then they all thought it’d be a good idea to get some drinks. You remember Lonnie?” </p><p>Adora blinked. That was a name she hadn’t heard since high school. “Lonnie’s working at your firm?” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s huge. Anyways, her idea and you know how persistent she can be.” She shrugged. “We had carpooled to Bright Moon together, but she didn’t exactly wanna leave yet, especially once Rogelio and Kyle got there.”</p><p>“Wait, they’re working there too?” </p><p>“Rogelio’s a paralegal, Kyle’s an assistant.” </p><p>“Small world.” </p><p>“Small world,” Catra repeated. </p><p>“Kyle and Rogelio finally together?” </p><p>Catra snorted. “Lonnie’s with them too.” </p><p>“You’re kidding.” Adora gaped at Catra. “You can’t be serious. I thought she hated Kyle.” </p><p>“She did, but apparently he’s tolerable enough with Rogelio for her to date them both.” </p><p>Adora stole a fry from Catra. Catra reached for her wrist, but Adora pulled both their hands towards her, leaned forward, and managed to get it in her mouth. She winked. </p><p>Catra snatched her hand away as if burnt. </p><p>“So,” she cleared her throat. “You were with your roommates?”</p><p>“Yeah. Glimmer and I shared a dorm in college and her parents kinda just emotionally adopted me, I guess?” She smiled. “So we have these movie nights at least once a month, which are really nice. We’ve been doing them since freshman year.”</p><p>“That sounds nice,” said Catra. She threw all their trash in one of the paper bags. “My old roommates’ moms were like that too. Just, y’know, overly sweet and maternal.”</p><p>“Takes some getting used to, huh?” </p><p>Catra hummed. She pulled one leg up, hugging it. “We starting the mommy issues club again?”</p><p>“We probably shouldn’t since we’re <em> clearly </em> past it.”</p><p>A snort escaped her. Adora bit back a sardonic grin. “How’s Mama Hope anyways?” </p><p>“She’s fine. I’m visiting her next week, probably. It’s been a while.” A solid three months, according to Light Hope’s last text message. “How’s―” </p><p>“I wouldn’t know,” Catra said flatly, staring straight forward. “She kinda cut all contact with me.” </p><p>Adora paused. She opened her mouth, then shut it. Catra turned to look Adora’s way and chuckled. </p><p>“Come on, it’s not that surprising, is it?” </p><p>Adora hesitated. She shook her head. </p><p>Catra let her head fall back against the headrest again. “It’s for the best. I’m better off without her.” </p><p>There was no trace of irony or sarcasm. It was as honest as Catra got. Still, Adora remembered all too well the nights she snuck her way to her house in the middle of the night after screaming matches between her and Miss Weaver, knocking her signature soft three taps against the glass of her window before Adora let her in. She remembered holding Catra close as she clenched her eyes shut, angry tears squeezing past despite her best efforts. She hadn’t liked talking about it even back then. </p><p>Adora reached between them and grabbed Catra’s hand, squeezing the palm. “You are,” she said, “but I’m sorry she did that.” </p><p>Catra eyes flicked from their hands to Adora’s face. She kept her face blank, unreadable, then she slid her hand out from Adora’s, bringing it close to her chest. </p><p>“Whatever,” she said. “I’m too sober for this kind of conversation. You don’t have to drive me home, by the way. I’ll just order an Uber from here.” </p><p>“You’re kidding, right? I don’t mind.” </p><p>“It’s a long drive, Adora. It’s fine.” </p><p>“I’m not having you end up on a milk carton,” she threw back. She put her car in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot. “Just stay over at my place. We were gonna see each other tomorrow anyways, so I’ll just drive us both back north in the morning. I don’t have a guest room, but you can sleep in my room. I’ll take the couch.” </p><p>“Dude, seriously, you don’t have to.” </p><p>“It’s fine.” She threw a grin Catra’s way, then looked back at the road. “It’s not like I haven’t slept on that couch a bunch of times before. I don’t mind. It’s good for my back.” </p><p>“It’s good for your back? What are you, fifty?” </p><p>“You caught me. I’ve aged decades since high school.” </p><p>“I think I can see a few gray hairs from here.” </p><p>She reached over and shoved Catra’s shoulder. She laughed that cracking, rising giggle of hers. </p><p>The apartment building she and Bow and Glimmer lived in was only a few blocks away. She couldn’t find Glimmer’s car anywhere on the lot; figured she and Bow were still at her parents’ place. They’d probably come back to the apartment in a few hours. Glimmer avoided staying over as much as she could. </p><p>All the lights in the apartment were shut off. The living room had a few empty cups littered on the coffee table, and the blankets were tossed messily over the couch, but they left the place more or less put together before they headed out. Bow’s doing. He hated clutter, though he was powerless against Glimmer’s messes. </p><p>She led Catra to her room, grateful that she managed to fix up at least half the mess in her room. It was still probably a safety hazard―she tripped over a pile of shoes and clothes the other day and bruised up her elbow on the corner of her desk―but it was better than the state it’d been in at the beginning of the month. </p><p>“It gets really hot in here in the middle of the night,” she explained, pulling out the standing fan from her closet. “We’ve been meaning to get the AC fixed forever, but none of us are home enough to have bothered with that.” </p><p>Catra stood by the door, a hand holding her elbow, ears pressed flat against her head as her gaze flickered around the room. Part of her shirt had been untucked at some point. </p><p>Adora dragged the fan towards the bed and turned it on. “There you go. Wanna borrow the clothes you gave me last time?” </p><p>Catra shrugged. “Yeah, that works.” </p><p>She dug them out from the pile of clean laundry she still hadn’t put away, handing them back to Catra with a smile. “The bathroom’s down the hall. And I’ll be out in the living room, so if you need anything you can always just come get me.” She stole a pillow off the mountain of them on her bed. “You good in here or you need me to tuck you in?” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>“Don’t think I will.” Adora grinned. She ruffled Catra’s hair on her way out the room, then ducked from the subsequent swatting hand. “Night!” </p><p>
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</p><p>Maybe it was the foreign bed, or the whir of the fan, but Catra found herself tossing and turning on the rock hard surface of Adora’s mattress. Scorpia’s old clothes had been big on Adora, but Catra was practically swimming in them. She had kicked off the blankets earlier in the night. When she touched her forehead, her hand came away with sweat. </p><p>She hated summer. </p><p>The digital clock on Adora’s nightstand read 1:25 AM. Hardly late by Catra’s standards. She flopped onto her back, slinging an arm over her forehead, and stared up at the popcorn ceiling, eyes tracing over the tiny bumps. A single beam of moonlight fell through the small crack of Adora’s curtains, cutting right over the bed. It was quiet save for the fan and the faint buzz of electricity running through the building. If she strained her ears just enough she could make out Adora tossing and turning herself on the pull out sofa bed out in the living room. </p><p>It hadn’t entirely been a conscious decision to text Adora to pick her up. By the time she arrived, though, Catra had been sober enough. She had no excuse at that point. She got in the car regardless. She stayed over, regardless. </p><p>She dragged her hands over her face. She got up. </p><p>The living room was just as dimly lit as Adora’s bedroom. On the sofa bed, Adora starfished across the mattress, blankets kicked off and half hanging off the edge. Her hair haloed on the pillow around her head. The bottom of her tank top rode up, revealing a patch of smooth skin. </p><p>Catra sighed. She reached over and shook Adora’s shoulder, then backed up before Adora’s flailing arm could hit her. </p><p>Adora shot up with a gasp. “I’m awake!” She squinted groggily at Catra, pushing her hair away from her face. “Catra?” She paused, then looked around the living room. “Are Bow and Glimmer home?” When Catra shook her head, Adora hummed, then asked, “Are you okay?”   </p><p>“Your bed’s like a rock,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep.” </p><p>“This bed isn’t any better, to be honest.” </p><p>Catra crossed her arms over her chest. She stared down at a spot on the mattress by Adora’s hand. She felt ridiculous. She said, “Adora,” and raised her head to meet her eyes. </p><p>Understanding lifted Adora’s brows. “Oh,” she breathed. Even in the dark Catra could make out the way her cheeks darkened. “I just thought―I thought that after―<em> y’know </em>―you wouldn’t wanna share a bed.” </p><p>She shrugged. Her tail wrapped around her thigh. “We shared a bed a million times before. It’s never been a problem.” </p><p>Adora nodded, sliding off the sofa bed and bundling her blankets in her arm. She tucked her pillow underneath her arm, turning to Catra with a smile. “A sleepover, huh?” </p><p>Catra found herself smiling back. “Like old times.” </p><p>Back in Adora’s room, the two of them laid on opposite sides of the full sized bed. Adora punched at her pillow until it flattened to her liking, then rolled onto her side to face Catra. The fan whirred near them, locks of golden hair washed light in the stream of moonlight fluttering forward to Adora’s face. She stuffed her hair beneath her head. </p><p>Catra’s hand pillowed her cheek. She watched Adora settle into bed, covered only in a thin blanket pulled up to her waist. The corners of her mouth twitched up. </p><p>“You’ve never relaxed a day in your life.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, that’s part of my charm.” Adora finally laid still, one arm tucked beneath her pillow. </p><p>“Hm. Gonna have to disagree there.” </p><p>Adora pouted. “Are you saying that I’m not charming?” </p><p>“You caught me.” </p><p>“I’m sure I can pull some witnesses to disagree.” </p><p>“You gonna believe a bunch of ass kissers or someone that’s known you since you had a lisp and no front teeth?” </p><p>“I think that actually makes you biased. Everyone else isn’t immune to my charm.” </p><p>Catra laughed. “Adora, I think everyone is.” </p><p>“Where’s the proof? If you’re gonna make a big claim like that, I expect some evidence.” </p><p>“I think the first eighteen years of your life are proof enough, but do I have to remind you that you nearly made my assistant cry thinking she bored you?” </p><p>Adora wrinkled her nose. “In my defense, I didn’t really notice that she was talking to me.” </p><p>“I’ll be sure to tell her that.”</p><p>“Please don’t.” </p><p>“What? Scared she’ll testify against you?” </p><p>“A little.” A grin bloomed on her face. “I do have one piece of solid evidence that I’m super charming, though.” </p><p>“Do you?” </p><p>“I mean...” Her eyes flicked down the space on the mattress between them. “You kissed me back.” Catra said nothing. Adora looked back at her, the twist of her mouth awkward. “Too soon to joke about it?”</p><p>“Maybe,” she answered. She pushed herself up using her elbow, staring down at Adora. “Maybe not. Not like it’s gonna happen again, right?”</p><p>Adora nodded. “Right,” she agreed.</p><p>Except her eyes flicked down to Catra’s mouth for just a moment.</p><p>Catra froze. She watched as Adora refocused; as she met Catra’s eyes again, her face carefully blank, and Catra should plop back down and roll to face the other way. She should close her eyes and pretend to sleep until morning. </p><p>She leaned down, instead. </p><p>It happened again.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. matched you in the moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>there's some very brief mentions of casual homophobia, but nothing explicit! </p><p>this is v much a transition chapter. some brief spanish dialogue, translations at the end notes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> The walls pulsed along to the beat of the music. In a few hours the crowd would disperse, scared off by the blare of police sirens, but as of now the living room was filled to the brim with the bodies of too sweaty teenagers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora and Catra danced in a slow, tight circle, pressed close together. Adora hugged Catra’s shoulders, her face buried in the delicate slope connecting neck to shoulder, her fingers curling into the short, delicate hairs at the nape of her neck. Around her waist, Catra’s arms were warm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I’m drunk,” she whispered against Catra’s skin. She felt more than heard the rumble of Catra’s familiar laughter.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So am I,” she answered. She pressed a palm flat against the small of Adora’s back. “Wanna go home?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She shook her head. Home, where she’d have to miss the second and seventh creaky steps on the staircase to avoid her mother’s judgemental eyes. Home, where the ever-present reek of disappointment followed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, she did not want to go home.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Come on then,” said Catra, pulling away. Adora whined, and Catra smiled in turn, the flash of the tacky party lights painting her face blue, then yellow, then violet, ever-shifting and reflecting off her two-toned eyes. Her bangs were pushed back by a red bandana tied around her head like a headband. Even in the low lights, Adora could see the sweat sticking loose locks of long, curling hair to her cheeks, her neck.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She was beautiful.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The thought wasn’t new. Neither was the subsequent tightening in her chest. She ignored it all, content to let Catra pull her by the wrist away from the tightly packed living room and up the stairs. Kids from their schools as well as from the public school mingled. Adora recognized the odd few classmates here and there. Even caught sight of Lonnie leaning against an open door frame, smiling bright at a girl Adora had never seen before, her cheeks burning red.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra led her to a room at the end of the upstairs hall. She turned the doorknob. It clicked shut.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s locked,” said Adora, fitting herself behind Catra, wrapping her arms around her waist.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Probably the guy’s room,” Catra said. She turned in Adora’s arms, and she was so close, her breath warm against Adora’s mouth. Adora blinked. Catra reached up and pulled the single bobby pin holding her bangs back out from her hair. Her bangs spilled forward.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra grinned. She pulled free from Adora’s embrace, jamming the bobby pin into the lock until it clicked open.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “When are you gonna teach me to do that?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Remind me when we’re sober,” Catra answered.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The room they stepped into was spacious, with a large bed covered in white bedding and a desk pressed against the window on one side of the room. The lights were off, but a combination of moonlight plus streetlights streamed through the sheer white curtains covering the large windows. The accordion closet doors were only half closed, a pile of clothes spilling out from the opening.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She shut the door behind her as Catra plopped down onto the bed. The music’s volume only decreased slightly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She collapsed beside Catra on the bed, her weight sinking into the too soft mattress. She couldn’t remember whose house this even was, though she knew it wasn’t any of the kids from their school. Last time someone tried, Shadow Weaver expelled them.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was a miracle the two of them were even here in the first place, but it wasn’t like Shadow Weaver or Light Hope ever interacted enough to know that Catra and Adora lied about where they’d be tonight. Shadow Weaver thought they were sleeping over Adora’s house tonight. Light Hope thought they were catching a late movie showing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora snorted.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She pushed herself up, sitting with her legs crossed. Catra laid on her side, propping herself up with an elbow, an eyebrow raised. Her hair spilled over her shoulder and down her back, curls frizzing in the heat. The black t-shirt she wore hung loose around her frame, revealing a sliver of a prominent collarbone, the beating of her heart at the hollow of her throat.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I keep thinking we’re gonna get caught,” she answered. She pushed back her bangs, tucking the longer locks behind her ears. “Like, my mom is gonna call any second and tell me to come home.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She’s not. We’re fine.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know.” She grinned at Catra, the force of it aching her cheeks. “You’re a genius.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra laughed. “You don’t say that enough.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll say it every day.” She reached for Catra, hand curling around her elbow, and dragged her close, practically pulling her over her lap. “You’re a genius. You’re a genius.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My head’s gonna get bigger than yours. You sure you’re ready for that competition?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “See? More proof that you’re a genius.” She wrapped her arms around a giggling Catra, holding her close. She pressed her forehead to hers, and she was so warm, every part of her buzzing and loose. “You’re my best friend. You know that, right?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra reached forward, cupping her cheek in one hand. Adora’s breath hitched. On her wrist glinted the silver bracelet Adora gifted her three Christmases ago, the little A charm glinting in the moonlight. It matched the charm with Catra’s initial on her own wrist.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know, dummy,” she answered, grinning back at Adora, just like she always had. Every part of her was familiar; learned so thoroughly throughout the years that Adora was sure she could write an entire novel dedicated to the bend of her knees, the curl of her hair, the warmth of her smile. If she could, she’d write sonnets about the peal of her laugh and the teasing lilt of every biting remark she threw her way.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’d been in this position so many times it was second nature. It had never been a problem before. Now, Adora’s heartbeat throbbed hard in her throat. She felt ready to vibrate out of her own skin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra’s thumb smoothed over the burning skin of her cheek. Her eyes were trained on the lower half of her face, her eyes heavy lidded.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She smoothed a hand over Catra’s back, feeling the rising knobs of her spine through the fabric of her shirt. They didn’t touch like this during the day. They didn’t touch like this inside of Catra’s house where Shadow Weaver roamed. It was easier to rough around, to play wrestle and pull at each others’ hair during school. Adora only allowed herself this when it was the two of them alone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her mouth was dry. She swallowed, then spoke: “Can I try something?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra nodded. When Adora leaned in, she met her halfway. Her lips were dry, and chapped, and Adora didn’t know what she was doing. It was like a stranger inhabited her; like someone existed within her that she had never known before this space in time. A stranger that craved this: Catra’s gasp caught between their lips, her hand cradling her face so tenderly. This version of Catra was unknown to her. They had gone an entire life without doing this. The Catra she knew before this moment had never kissed her; had never pulled her closer, her hand sliding to the nape of her neck as she deepened the kiss. They had held each other so many different ways, but never like this.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then: Adora giggled against her mouth.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sorry,” she laughed, pulling away. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra chuckled. “Didn’t mean to what? Ruin the moment or kiss me?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You guess,” she answered. She brushed a lock of hair away from Catra’s face, her hand settling against her cheek.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra leaned into her touch, still smiling. “Whatever. Not like either of us are gonna remember this in the morning, right?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora’s heart juddered, then slowed. She wasn’t that drunk. As far as she could tell, neither was Catra.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We don’t have to make a whole thing about this,” Catra continued. “What happens at some random party stays there, right?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She hummed in response, letting go of Catra to plop back onto the mattress. Next thing she knew, Catra slammed over her, her elbow pinching the side of her stomach. Adora yelped. She shoved her, and then Catra was poking at her sides, tickling her, and Adora jabbed her fingers beneath her arms. Catra shrieked. She laughed, and Adora followed her lead.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Later, when they snuck back into Adora’s room that night, they lay in bed. Catra slept soundly, her face relaxed. Her lips parted, and Adora forced her eyes away from them. She did what she did best: compartmentalized; ignored the ache in her chest. She turned her back towards Catra and slept.  </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>In the morning, Adora rose before Catra. Even after all her complaining about how hard her mattress was, she slept soundly. She barely moved even as Adora slid out of bed; only shifted slightly to occupy the warm spot left behind by her body. </p><p>It was late by Adora’s standards, but early by Catra’s. She could wake her, she knew, but Catra’s face smoothed over in sleep, that tiny furrow between her brows relaxed for once. She still slept curled up small even after all these years, and laying on her side like that her ear was squished adorably against the mattress. It felt borderline a crime to wake her.</p><p>Outside her room she could hear Bow and Glimmer moving around the apartment. The unmistakable smell of bacon and other food wafted in the air. Adora dressed quick, mouth watering, and left her room, careful to shut her door behind her.</p><p>“Morning!” greeted Glimmer from the kitchen. </p><p>“Hey,” she answered. She stopped by the kitchen’s entrance, leaning against the wall. Her eyebrows rose as she took in the sight in front of her: Bow and Glimmer, covered entirely in white. Bow sat on the counter right beside the sink, his feet just barely hanging a couple inches above the floor. The sink itself was filled to the brim with plates and bowls. The rest of the kitchen wasn’t any better: Flour coated the floor, the walls, almost every surface in the room. Glimmer wore an apron, but it did little good. The pink of her hair barely showed through the white dusting every inch of her hair, her face, her body. </p><p>“I’m making pancakes,” she said with a grin. </p><p>Bow met Adora’s eyes and shrugged. “She promised she’d clean it up.” </p><p>“Did all this,” she gestured with a finger at the entire kitchen, “happen before or after that promise?” </p><p>Glimmer stuck her tongue out. She turned back at the pan, then flipped a pancake. It flopped back onto the hot surface with a wet splat. </p><p>“Since when do you sleep in?” Bow asked. He glanced at his phone in his hand with a squint. “It’s...9 AM. Your whole day is gone.” </p><p>“Ha, ha.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And you guys got here at what time?” </p><p>“Around four, I think. Frosta made us watch a few horror movies.”</p><p>“You actually sat through them?” </p><p>The corners of Bow’s mouth twitched. Glimmer looked over her shoulder at him with a glare. “Don’t.”</p><p>“Oh, come on. You gotta admit―” </p><p>“I don’t have to anything―” </p><p>“She cried, didn’t she?” asked Adora. </p><p>“Whatever! You slept in my room for, like, an entire month after you watched that one weird Netflix movie.” Glimmer pointed at Adora with the spatula, then jammed it in Bow's direction. “And you couldn’t sleep after watching <em> Paranormal Activity.” </em> </p><p>“They were Satanic siblings, Glimmer, it was creepy!” Adora said just as Bow yelled, “She stood there and watched him sleep for hours!” </p><p>“Adora?” </p><p>The three of them froze. When Adora looked over her shoulder, she found Catra standing barefoot only a few feet away, practically swimming in the FZU shirt she had lent Adora only a few weeks ago. The hem fell to right above her knees. Her short hair was matted flat against one side of her head, and she rubbed at her blue eye with the heel of her palm. </p><p>Adora felt the burn of Glimmer and Bow’s eyes on the back of her neck. Her face warmed. She ignored them, pushing herself off the wall. “Sorry, I didn’t wanna wake you up.” </p><p>“Guess that explains the pull out,” Glimmer muttered behind her. </p><p>Catra’s ears twitched. Her hand fell away from her face. “It’s fine.” Her gaze flitted behind Adora and she tentatively waved. “I’m Catra.” </p><p>“Bow!” He hopped off the counter and walked around Adora, holding his hand out. Catra glanced at the outstretched limb, then at his face, reaching out to shake it with a quick squeeze. “We woke you up, didn’t we?” </p><p>She shrugged a slender shoulder. “You guys and bacon. Mind if I steal a few?” </p><p>Bow’s eyes practically sparkled. “I’ll fry some more.” </p><p>“I’m perfectly capable of frying them myself!” said Glimmer. They all turned to look at her standing by the stove, dressed in sweatpants, a tank top, and a bright pink apron with sparkly white hearts dotted across its surface, entirely covered in flour. </p><p>Catra snorted. “Something about you says otherwise.” </p><p>“You wanna do it yourself, furball?” </p><p>“If it’ll save the fire department a visit, it’d be my pleasure.” </p><p>“Okay!” Adora grabbed Catra’s elbow and began to pull her back towards her room. “You guys keep...doing that, I guess. We’ll be out in a second.” </p><p>She didn’t stop to see whatever faces Bow and Glimmer pulled at that; just dragged Catra into her room and shut the door behind her. Catra ripped her arm from Adora’s grip with a scowl. </p><p>“Okay, what’s your damage?” </p><p>Adora dragged a hand over her face. “Nothing. I just―They’re going to be annoying. It’s fine. Whatever.” She tucked her hair behind both ears, leaning back against the door. “I should get you home.” </p><p>“Depriving me of breakfast food? You sure know how to make a girl feel special.” </p><p>“Catra,” she groaned. “You can hang out with Bow and Glimmer when you don’t look like,” she gestured towards her, “that.” </p><p>She raised an eyebrow. “What do I look like?” </p><p>“Seriously?” </p><p>“No, really, describe it to me. You’re always so eloquent.” </p><p>“I hate you,” said Adora. She pushed herself off the door, face warm, and searched around her room until she found Catra’s clothes from the previous night. She shoved them into Catra’s chest. “We’ll stop at McDonald’s or something on the way to your place.” </p><p>“Don’t want me meeting the roommates?”</p><p>“You already met them,” she answered, rifling through her closet. “This is just―This isn’t the best way to, is all.” </p><p>“Fine, but you owe me a whole mountain of hashbrowns.” </p><p>“I’ve been to your place. Pretty sure you can just snap and have a lifetime supply shipped to your place.” </p><p>“Whatever. Shower?” </p><p>“Go ahead. You know where the bathroom is.” </p><p>Catra shouldered past Adora. Once she was out of the room, Adora plopped down on her back onto the bed. She dragged her hands over her face, exhaling a rattling breath. </p><p>The familiar loud screeching of the pipes echoed through the apartment as the shower turned on. A few moments later, Glimmer poked her head in through the open door of Adora’s bedroom. Her face was clear of flour, though bits of it coated her forehead, tracing her hairline. </p><p>“So, we’re gonna talk about this later, right?” </p><p>Adora groaned, forcing herself to sit up, resting her weight on her elbows. “There’s nothing to talk about.” </p><p>“Right,” she nodded. “We know each other.” </p><p>“You do?” </p><p>“Long story. Short version: Mom hates the firm your little friend works for.” </p><p>“Of course she does,” sighed Adora. “I’m gonna take her home after I shower. I’ll come back after, though.”</p><p>Glimmer snorted. “Sure you will.” She paused, eyes roaming over Adora’s face. Her lips pursed, and she seemed so ready to say something. She sighed; settled for, “We’ll save you some leftovers,” instead of whatever she actually wanted to say. </p><p>
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</p><p>The car ride was silent. In the passenger seat, Catra sat scrolling through her phone, so pointedly not looking at Adora that it might’ve actually been better if she were openly staring at her instead. It had been like this last time too, at least until they actually talked. </p><p>Adora just hadn’t expected it to happen again. </p><p>She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. Music played softly from the radio, a welcome white noise. The highway was mercifully relaxed for this time of the day. </p><p>The awkward stretch of silence between them was new. Adora couldn’t remember the tight band of tension existing between them when they were younger. Even after that party their junior year of high school they’d been able to brush it off. Catra told her to forget it, that it was fine, and Adora had followed her lead, just like she had last time around. </p><p>Catra kissed <em> her </em> last night, though. </p><p>“So,” she drawled. She glanced at Catra from the corner of her eye and caught the slight twitch of her ear. “Glimmer told me you two know each other?” </p><p>“Yeah, I guess. We’ve met at a few networking events,” she answered. </p><p>“Small world.” </p><p>Catra stayed silent. Turning her way, Adora caught her staring out the window, a scowl etched tight on her face. </p><p>“Catra?” </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” </p><p>Her eyes flitted from the road to Catra and back again. “Uh, yeah. Of course.” </p><p>“When did you…” she tapered off. Adora turned on her turn signal, pulling into the right lane. Their exit was coming up. When she looked at Catra, she was still turned away. </p><p>She waited for Catra to collect herself. It wasn’t until minutes later, when Adora began to pull up to Catra’s building, that she felt Catra’s gaze focus on her. </p><p>“You never told me,” she said. “When we were younger, I mean. You never mentioned that you liked girls.” </p><p>Whatever Adora had been expecting, it hadn’t been that. “Oh,” she said dumbly. In the silence that followed, she managed to find street parking. It took a few tries, but she managed to parallel park without incident. </p><p>Catra sat with her arms crossed. She stared out the window again, every line of her body tense. As kids, Adora thought she knew every way her body moved and worked; had thought that years of playing soccer together, of sharing a bed at sleepovers, of play wrestling and holding hands meant she understood every part of her. She knew it different, now. </p><p>She heaved a sigh. “I didn’t realize till college,” she said. “Didn’t come out till then either. That’s why I never told you.” </p><p>Catra nodded. “I’m not saying you had to or anything like that. It was...rough. We both know that. I was just curious.” </p><p>“I get that.” She stared at Catra, leaning forward in her seat to rest her folded arms over the steering wheel. “How about you?”</p><p>“Sophomore year of high school,” she answered. “But I didn’t come out till college too.” </p><p>“Is that when Shadow Weaver―” </p><p>“No.” This time, Catra turned to look at her. “It wasn’t―It wasn’t because I’m gay. I mean, she wasn’t exactly thrilled about that, but it was...other stuff.”</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me. I just―” she stopped; bit at the inside of her cheek. It settled wrong to sit there and express sympathy, like they were suddenly fifteen and back in one of the school bathrooms, Catra standing still as Adora applied foundation to bruises she never explained.  </p><p>Catra said, “It’s fine,” but Adora knew that tender wound better than anyone. </p><p>“Well,” she started, voice purposely lighter, “I didn’t get my first girlfriend till sophomore year of college. We’re still friends, but it just wasn’t right, y’know? My mom didn’t really care about her.” </p><p>“Light Hope not caring about someone? Shocker.” </p><p>Adora’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “I know, right? At least she’s consistent.” She pushed herself back in her seat. “So...Are we still hanging out today?” </p><p>Catra’s nose wrinkled. She stared out the windshield and Adora followed her gaze towards the darkening gray sky. “Not exactly beach weather.” </p><p>“Guess not.” </p><p>“Well,” said Catra, slow and deliberate, meeting Adora’s eyes, “I don’t have roommates.” </p><p>Adora blinked. She blinked again.<em> “Oh,” </em> she breathed. “Yeah. You don’t.” </p><p>“It doesn’t have to be a whole thing,” Catra said. “It’s just―It is what it is, right?” </p><p>Adora nodded. She unbuckled her seatbelt; turned off the car. “Yeah. Totally.” </p><p>Catra smiled, and it did something funny to Adora’s chest. She folded that feeling up; tucked it away nice and neat somewhere she didn’t have to focus on now, not when she could better pay mind to the glint in Catra’s eyes, the curve of her smile. She did what she did best: She followed Catra's lead. </p><p>
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</p><p><em> “Mamá?” </em> </p><p>The living room was empty when Adora unlocked and opened the front door. It was tidy per usual: The living room itself was small and cozy, with two loveseats decorated with pillows and throw blankets pressed against the walls, a small wooden coffee table in the middle. There was a fireplace, though Adora never understood its purpose. It never snowed this far south. On its mantle sat Adora’s school pictures and little trinkets she’d bought Light Hope over the years. </p><p>She shut the door behind her and pulled her shoes off, leaving them at the entrance. She padded her way to the kitchen, past the hall leading to their rooms, and found her mother shredding cheese. Bowls of <em> carne asada, </em> avocado slices, black beans, and other foods were spread out across the island. </p><p>“Arepas?” she asked. “If you had waited, I could’ve helped.” </p><p>Light Hope raised an eyebrow. “You can help with the cheese.” She left the metal cheese grater by the plate, walking off to the stove where a handful of arepas were cooking. “I know that Bow does the majority of the cooking in that apartment.” </p><p>Adora flushed warm. She washed her hands, then began to shred the cheese. “I cook sometimes, you know.” </p><p>“Protein smoothies are hardly cooking,” said Light Hope. <em> “Estas mas flaca.” </em> </p><p>Adora heaved a breath through her nose. She bit her tongue; stayed silent until she finished grating the cheese, going back to wash her hands. <em> “¿Viene abuela?”  </em></p><p>Light Hope ignored her. She stepped around her with a plate of steaming, fresh arepas gripped in one hand and grabbed one of the bowls on the counter. </p><p>“Ma,” said Adora. </p><p>Light Hope didn’t even turn to look back at her as she headed towards the living room. <em> “Pon la mesa, Adora.” </em> </p><p>Exactly what she expected, really. Her mother never answered her questions. Adora rolled her eyes, grabbing a few table mats, and following after her. They ate in relative silence, just like they always did. Light Hope pointedly slid more arepas towards Adora after she finished her first one. She watched with blank, brown eyes as Adora overstuffed it. </p><p>“When do your applications open up?” asked Light Hope. </p><p>“Around August,” she answered. She set her food down, reaching for a napkin. “I think I’m gonna apply to FZU and BMU.” </p><p>“BMU is probably a safer choice. They like returning alumni.” </p><p>“I know. That’s why I’m applying.” </p><p>“Would you move back here if you decide on FZU?” </p><p>“I’d have to get in first,” Adora said. She shifted her in her seat. “But I don’t think so.” </p><p>“It would save you money, Adora. I wouldn’t charge you rent, and I doubt your savings are high considering how poorly the zoo pays you.” </p><p>“I know. But I like living with Bow and Glimmer. It’s home.” </p><p>“You would have to drive so much every day. The tolls alone―”</p><p>“I know!” Adora glared down at the table. Her hands clenched into fists on her lap. “I know all of this. I’ve thought it through, okay? I’m an adult, and you have to trust I can make these decisions.” </p><p>Light Hope hummed, and that was worse than if she had yelled back. “I’m looking out for your well-being.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“You don’t respect me.” </p><p>Adora shook her head. “No, that’s not true.” </p><p>“You wouldn’t talk back if you did,” she said. “That’s alright, I suppose. I’ve barely done my part as your mother.” </p><p>“Stop. That’s―” </p><p>“You won’t even consider moving in here with me. I expect you’ll put me in a home as soon as I’m as old as Razz.” </p><p>“That’s not fair and you know it.” She pushed her chair back and stood. “You always ask why I barely visit you, like you don’t know that this is why.” </p><p>Light Hope stared back at her. Her expression was unreadable. The fact of it left Adora nearly shaking. She barely stopped herself from stomping her feet as she made her way to her bedroom. </p><p>She slammed the door shut behind her. Already she could hear the screech of the chair against the floor as Light Hope got up followed by the subsequent clanking of dishes as she cleared the table. Adora remained with her back pressed against the door. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep. </p><p>She’ll apologize later, she knew. She’ll walk up to her mother, explain that she had lost her temper; that she was great, really. She put a roof over their heads when she’d been young and alone, with only the occasional visit from Razz as she raised Adora. She tried. Even if she was cold, and distant, and apathetic, she tried her best. </p><p>When she opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was the lack of dust. Her childhood bedroom was tidy, if at least a little bare. The bed was made. Her posters were still tacked onto the wall despite how often Light Hope complained about the holes they’d leave on the walls when she was growing up. Even the mirror hanging on one of the accordion doors of her closet was wiped down and free of any dust. </p><p>The anger ebbed. Light Hope tried. She tried. </p><p>Adora sat at her old desk. A framed picture of her and Catra easily at eleven or twelve rested at one corner. She pulled it close. Catra, wearing twin braids and navy slacks with a button down white shirt, their school logo embroidered right over the heart, grinned up at the camera while Adora, sporting the exact same outfit but her hair pulled up in its usual ponytail, slung an arm around her shoulder and threw a peace sign at the camera. </p><p>She pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of the frame, sending it to Catra. Within moments, her phone pinged and Catra replied, <em> i swear to god you’re going to go bald in a few years adora.  </em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>I’ll be fine!</em></p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>your scalp won’t be</em></p><p><b>Adora:</b> <em>It’s okay, I know you’re just looking out for me. It’s embarrassing how much you care &lt;3</em></p><p><b>Catra:</b> <em>fuck off</em></p><p>Adora laughed, pocketing her phone. She continued going through the drawers of her old desk, finding old letters, school planners, photo albums she hadn’t taken with her once she moved out. It was weird to find. She rarely ventured into her room when she visited Light Hope. It was usually a passive aggressive dinner followed by Adora rushing back home, cursing the traffic the entire way. </p><p>She closed the drawers. It must’ve been the nostalgia that had her itching to reach for her phone again. It had been as much Catra’s room as Adora’s. Shadow Weaver hadn’t liked Adora sleeping over. The few times she allowed it, she forced Adora to take Catra’s bed while Catra took the sleeping bag on the floor. Light Hope hadn’t cared; barely blinked whenever Catra bounded downstairs in the mornings for breakfast with Adora after sneaking in at some point in the night.</p><p>She leaned back in her seat, then pulled out her phone again and called Catra. </p><p>It rang four times. Catra picked up with a confused, “Hello?” </p><p>“Hey,” she answered. “You busy?” </p><p>She heard the jingle of something like keys, followed by the faint creak of an open door. “Just got home, actually.” </p><p>Adora frowned. “Kinda late.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, that’s capitalism for you.” </p><p>“You’re, like, the epitome of a capitalist. You have valet service in your building.” </p><p>“I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite.” </p><p>Adora snorted. She leaned back in her chair, propping her feet on the desk, balancing on the back legs. “I was thinking,” she started. </p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Shocking, I know,” she laughed. She paused, waiting for Catra to respond, but over the mic she just heard movement like she was still walking around her apartment. “What’re you doing tonight?”</p><p>Catra snorted. “Is this a booty call?” she asked, sounding amused. </p><p>Adora’s face burned. She nearly toppled back, just barely managing to catch herself and right her chair. “No! I was just thinking―” </p><p>“We’re a little far from each other, don’t you think?” </p><p>“I’m actually home today, so.” </p><p>A pause. “Visiting Hope?” </p><p>Adora closed her eyes. She settled into breathing nice and slow. </p><p>“I can’t stay up late,” said Catra. “I have work in the morning.” </p><p>“That’s fine,” she said, an embarrassed warmth spreading to her neck. She hadn’t even meant―She didn’t know what she intended when she dialed Catra’s number. “Sorry. That was super last minute, anyway. It’s fine.” </p><p>“I didn’t say you couldn’t come over,” Catra replied. Adora waited, heart heavy in her throat. “Was it bad?” </p><p>She shook her head. “No. No, it was just―You know how she gets. It was just...whatever, I guess. I don’t really wanna stay.” </p><p>“You don’t need an excuse to leave, you know.” </p><p>“I know,” she said. “Can I still use you as one?” </p><p>“Do you even need to ask?” Catra answered. “Just text me when you’re here, okay.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>spanish translations:<br/>Estas mas flaca = you're thinner<br/>¿Viene abuela?=Is Grandma coming?<br/>Pon la mesa=Set the table </p><p>chapter titles are song lyrics. if you want, here's the fic playlist: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0eyMOf1tZfrmCOkWvqbQ2A?si=1_OYIRanRUiOnlWq4s2Plg">x</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. my heart gets lost like a message</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It kept happening. </p><p>Catra was smart. She knew beyond a doubt that she and Adora were crossing some sort of line. Sleeping with her childhood best friend was probably the stupidest thing she could be doing. Sleeping with the girl she had been in love with for the first eighteen years of her life and only managed to get over through sheer stubborn willpower would probably leave her therapist with her head in her hands once she actually managed to tell her about it. </p><p>The knowledge wasn’t enough to make her stop. </p><p>Adora lounged on Catra’s couch, one of the throw blankets lazily pulled over her body as she caught her breath. Her ponytail was destroyed, her bangs spilling over her face, half her hair falling from the hair tie. Catra watched from her spot sitting on the floor, an arm resting on the edge of the cushion right against Adora’s bare thigh, her chin tucked against the crook of her elbow. She doubted her hair was in any better state. Half the buttons on her shirt were gone, strewn forgotten along the floor. </p><p>A buzz rattled against the coffee table. Adora leaned over to get it, one hand holding the blanket to her chest. She swiped on the screen and her expression shifted to something unrecognizable. </p><p>Catra raised a brow. “You good?” </p><p>“Uh, yeah.” Adora locked her phone. “Just―Nothing.” </p><p>Catra hummed. When Adora looked her way, her face turned a curious shade of pink. </p><p>“One of my friends gave my number to some girl she went to school with. It’s―I don’t know.” She shifted to sit up, still holding the blanket to her torso. “I don’t know if I wanna go.” </p><p>All of Catra’s amusement dried up. She forced her face nonchalant. “Why not? Is she not cute?” </p><p>Adora blinked. She scowled, her fingers curling into the blanket. “No, she is. I’m just...I hate dating.”</p><p>“That explains Tinder.”</p><p>“What do you mean? It’s a dating app,” she said. She pulled at her hair tie with her free hand, hair fluttering loose around her shoulders. A lock of hair spilled forward to brush against her collarbone, its end curled like a hook. Catra stopped herself from reaching out to tug at it. </p><p>She laughed instead. “It’s a hookup app, dummy.” </p><p>Adora stopped fixing her hair. Her eyes went wide. “No. Bow and Glimmer said―” </p><p>“You’re really gonna trust those two about this kinda stuff? They’re completely domesticated.” </p><p>“Bow and Glimmer aren’t together,” she said. “They told me a few different options, but I thought―I don’t know. I heard Tinder was the most popular one, so that’s the one I went for.” </p><p>“It’s supposed to be a dating app. No one on there actually does, though.” </p><p>“Oh.” Adora hesitated. She ran a hand through her hair. It was lighter than it used to be, more gold than wheat, as if she dyed it brighter. She never let it grow out that long when they were younger; had kept it religiously shoulder-length for years on end. It was just as soft as Catra remembered, though. </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes, leaning away from the couch to try to fix her shirt. She probably could sew back some of the buttons, but there were holes where some of them had been torn out. </p><p>“You should go,” she said once the silence stretched too long. She gave up on her shirt and reached for Adora’s work polo tucked beneath the couch. Pulling herself to stand, she handed it Adora. “A date won’t hurt. Especially if she’s cute.” </p><p>Adora accepted the shirt, expression strangely pensive. “You’re right.” </p><p>“Usually am.” Catra grinned. It pulled at her cheeks; sat wrong on her face. “Wanna order something to eat?”</p><p>Adora shook her head and dropped the shirt. The blanket, too. She reached for Catra’s wrist and pulled her close. “Maybe later,” she answered. </p><p>
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</p><p>“It’ll be fun!” </p><p>Catra groaned. She let her face fall into her hands, elbows planted onto the surface of her desk. Anything to block the view of Scorpia’s doe-eyed expression. “There’s no way you’re dropping this, is there?” </p><p>“If it makes you uncomfortable, of course I’ll stop asking. But it’d mean so much to me, Catra. I really, really like her. I think you’d get along, actually.” </p><p>With a sigh, Catra smoothed her hands over her hair, then dropped them onto her lap as she leaned back in her seat. “I’m not against meeting your girlfriend, Scorpia. I’m against meeting her and her friends at some sleazy bar.” </p><p>“It’s not sleazy! You’ve been to the Grotto before,” said Scorpia. </p><p>“That’s exactly how I know it’s sleazy.” </p><p>“At least it’s not the Crimson Waste.” </p><p>It took an unprecedented amount of self-control not to gag. “Don’t even mention that place to me. I don’t think I’ve recovered from the last time we went.” </p><p>Scorpia smiled, remaining in her seat across from Catra, pincers cradled to her chest. If it were anyone else Catra would suspect every bit of innocence and kindness oozing off them to be manipulative, but Scorpia was just like that. She always had been. It was nauseating in the best way possible. </p><p>“I’ll stay for a bit,” she said. “Just long enough to make sure Flower Girl isn’t, like, a serial killer or anything like that.”</p><p>“Aw, Wildcat, you do care! But you don’t have to worry about that. Perfuma’s amazing. She’s the most genuine person I’ve ever met.” She sighed, still holding her pincers close over her heart. Catra could practically imagine sparkling hearts floating around her head. </p><p>“Right. Whatever. Tonight, right?” She hadn’t had any plans beyond lazing around at home. It was embarrassing to acknowledge how badly she’d been looking forward to it. </p><p>“Yup.” Scorpia stood from her seat and smoothed at the skirt of her dress. “You can bring Adora, if you want.” </p><p>Catra froze. “Why would I do that?” </p><p>“Well, the gala went well, right? You guys are friends again?” She smiled as if unaware.</p><p>Catra hadn’t told her. She hadn’t told anyone about...whatever she and Adora were doing. Calling it “friends with benefits” seemed so juvenile, like she was an undergrad hooking up with a girl in the same residence hall every other day instead of an adult occasionally sleeping with someone she got along with well enough. </p><p>“Yeah.” Catra frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. “We’re friends.” </p><p>“So invite her! It’ll be fun and that way Entrapta and I can meet her too.” </p><p>“Maybe,” she answered. She couldn’t quite piece those two facets of her life together. Adora existed so separate from the new life Catra had carved out for herself that it seemed impossible to even try to figure out where she’d fit. </p><p>Scorpia grinned, eager and bright, then came around to pull Catra out of her seat and into a back-breaking hug. “I’m so excited! It’s going to be so much fun. You’re gonna love Perfuma, Catra. I just know it! She’s great, and you’re great, and it’s like the universe put all the best people in my life.” </p><p>“I doubt that,” she wheezed. She squirmed in Scorpia’s embrace. “Scorp, I can’t breathe.” </p><p>“Oh, oops.” </p><p>Catra landed on her feet. She pressed a hand to her chest as she struggled to get air in her lungs. “Just send me the time and place. My break’s over, so…” </p><p>“Right! Oh, gosh, so is mine. I gotta help Lonnie with the Wilson case.” </p><p>“You sure you’re okay to work with her? I don’t mind trading with you.” </p><p>Scorpia blinked. She tilted her head to the side. “Why wouldn’t I be okay―Oh! Oh, Catra…” she tapered off, her eyes going misty. “I appreciate the concern, but I told you: Lonnie and I are friends. We <em> agreed </em> to break up.” </p><p>Catra shrugged. “You’re too nice for your own good. If you’re not going to hate your exes, I will for you.” She settled back to her seat, pulling open one of her desk drawers to pull out a couple of files. “Now get out.” </p><p>The rest of the day dragged. Her personal phone buzzed a few times, but she ignored it. There were multiple employee contracts she needed to review, and meetings throughout the day that left her itching for that nice quiet evening she had planned prior to Scorpia’s intervention. She contemplated inviting Adora if nothing for the stress-relief that would bring after. </p><p>She didn’t, though. Even if she kept jumping at the chance to screw Adora every time they met up in the past few weeks, she had enough self-control to stop herself from badgering her every moment of the day. </p><p>Hours later, she pulled up to the half empty lot by the Grotto just as Entrapta was stepping out of her own tiny, dark purple car followed by Wrong Hordak, of all people. </p><p>Catching sight of Catra’s car, Entrapta bounced up and down on her prehensile hair, waving with both arms. Catra parked in the spot next to hers. The second she was out of her car, thick locks of purple hair grabbed her arms and dragged her into a tight hug. </p><p>“Hi, Catra!” </p><p>Catra, arms crushed to her sides, cheek pressed against Entrapta’s, struggled and then managed to press the button on her keys to lock her car. It beeped next to them. “Hey, Entrapta. Wanna let me go?” </p><p>“Oh, sure thing.” Catra’s feet touched the ground. She shook out her arms and smoothed her blouse. In front of her, Entrapta sat with her legs crossed on her hair, dressed in her usual jean overalls. Prime Industries definitely had a dress code, but Prime usually turned a blind eye to Entrapta. He usually let Entrapta get away with anything. </p><p>Wrong Hordak waved at Catra. “Hello, brother! How are you today?”</p><p>“Great,” she answered. “Scorpia invited you too?” </p><p>“She said I could bring Harold along with me. We’re going to be observing nightlife culture. There’s obviously multiple studies on the subject, of course, and I’m no psychologist, but I do believe that dipping into some research of my own will yield interesting results for a few of the new apps I’m developing.” Entrapta pulled out a small tablet from the pocket at the stomach of her overalls, tapping away at the screen. “Harold offered to conduct some interviews while I observe. Would you like to be a subject, Catra?” </p><p>“I’ll pass,” she answered. At least Entrapta asked this time around. Catra had been an unwilling subject to her experiments too many times to count. “But you can tell me all about it some other time.” </p><p>“I’ll hold you to that!” Entrapta grinned. She started for the entrance. “So far, I’ve observed that this early in the evening the population is at its lowest. College students make up the majority of the customers for bars such as this one, so it won’t start filling up until around ten or so.” </p><p>As they entered, Entrapta continued to ramble while Catra and Wrong Hordak followed after her. She led them to a group of booths by the back, already occupied by a few people. The only recognizable figure was easily the one most likely to draw anyone’s attention: Scorpia. </p><p>She wore the same black dress she sported throughout work today. She stood taller in the black heels. She stood by the booth, an arm slung around the waist of a tall blonde wearing a flowy pink dress, the halter straps revealing a dusting of freckles on her arms and shoulders. Pink flowers pinned back long locks of curly golden hair. </p><p>As soon as their group walked up to them, Scorpia perked up and waved towards them. “Oh, there are my friends. Guys! Guys, over here!” </p><p>Entrapta and Scorpia squealed and shrieked as they hugged, just like they always did. Wrong Hordak enthusiastically shook Perfuma’s hand with both of his while she smiled back at him. At the booth sat a bored-looking woman with blue hair braided to the side leaning against a man with the shiniest mustache Catra had ever seen. Two women, one with pink hair, the other with white, sat near the middle. She caught the flash of wedding rings on their fingers, the swapped necklaces. </p><p>She waved at the group. “Hey. I’m Catra.” </p><p>“It’s a pleasure to meet you! I’m Sea Hawk. This beautiful, stunning woman is Mermista,” he gestured towards her, her cheeks turning red even as she rolled her eyes, “and these lovely ladies are Spinnerella and Netossa.” </p><p>Netossa looked Catra over, her brows furrowed. “You look familiar.” </p><p>A pair of thin brown arms folding her into a hug saved her from answering. Catra squeaked as she was held off the ground again. </p><p>“You must be Catra.” She was set back down, though Perfuma now rested her hands on her shoulders. Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “Scorpia’s told me so much about you.” </p><p>“She hasn’t shut up about you either,” she said. </p><p>“She’s sweet.” Perfuma giggled. She let go of Catra, going back to loop her arm with a blushing Scorpia’s. “I know you can’t stay too long, but I do hope you get a chance to meet everyone else.” </p><p>Catra gestured towards the booth. Entrapta and Wrong Hordak were already off, but the remaining party chatted over drinks. “Isn’t this everyone?”</p><p>“Oh, no. They’re still on their way. But they should be here soon. Why don’t you sit? I can order us all some snacks.”</p><p>“Uh, sure.” Catra glanced at Scorpia who continued to stare down at Perfuma with possibly the most smitten expression she’d ever seen on her face. She slid into the booth as Perfuma and Scorpia walked off to the bar. </p><p>“Aren’t they sweet?” breathed Spinnerella. She held Netossa’s arm, leaning against her side. “I haven’t seen Perfuma like this before.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, Scorpia’s usually mushy but this is a new level for her too,” Catra said. </p><p>“I like her,” mentioned Sea Hawk. “She has good energy. The heart of a hero.” </p><p>Mermista hummed and nodded her chin towards Catra. “She said you two worked together. You a paralegal too?” </p><p>“Lawyer,” she answered. “We met in college, though.” </p><p>Netossa snapped her fingers, pointing one at Catra. Spinnerella turned to chat with Mermista and Sea Hawk. “That’s why you look familiar. You work for Hordak.” </p><p>Catra scowled. She squinted at Netossa, but nothing struck familiar. “Yeah. Have we met before or―” </p><p>“Not officially. I’ve just seen you around.” </p><p>“Oh.” Catra rubbed at the back of her neck. “Well, uh, nice to meet you. Officially, I guess.” </p><p>“They didn’t have many vegan options, but you can never go wrong with chips and guac!” Perfuma set down the food right as Scorpia slid in beside Catra. “I really do wonder where―Oh! There they are.” </p><p>Catra peeked around Scorpia and her stomach bottomed out. </p><p>Just one glance at a long, golden ponytail and Catra was ready to bolt out of the bar. Adora laughed and enveloped Perfuma in a hug. She wore her dumb work clothes, except the buttons of her polo were undone and she was missing the visor Catra had ripped off her head and thrown across her living room just a few days ago. </p><p>“Scorpia, Catra, meet Adora, Bow, and Glimmer,” said Perfuma, pulling back from the embrace with a grin. </p><p>Both Bow and Glimmer paused when they caught sight of Catra, twin expressions of shock on their faces. She waved meekly at them. Adora’s eyebrows shot up when she met Catra’s eyes. </p><p>“Oh,” she said. She hesitated. “Catra and I know each other, actually. But it’s nice to meet you, Scorpia. I’ve heard so much about you.” </p><p>Scorpia gasped, then shot out of her seat, reaching to shake Adora’s hand between two pincers. “Wait, <em> you’re </em> Adora. Small world, huh?” She let go with a grin, turning to Bow and Glimmer to shake their hands respectively. “I’m gonna look for some extra chairs. I don’t think all of us fit. Be right back!” </p><p>Catra almost called out for Scorpia not to leave her. She bit her tongue; watched as she ran off. Bow was conversing with Sea Hawk and Mermista while Adora stood chatting with Perfuma, every so often shooting Catra looks from the corner of her eyes as if she were subtle. </p><p>Glimmer―</p><p>“So, you're friends with Perfuma’s new girlfriend.” She slid in right next to Catra, propping her chin on her hand. “You work for Hordak’s firm. You know Adora. Aren’t you well connected?” </p><p>“Scorpia and I went to college together. Now we work together. So.” </p><p>Glimmer’s brows furrowed. “I didn’t know Scorpia worked for Hordak too. She seems a little too…” </p><p>“Nice?” </p><p>“I didn’t want to say it.” </p><p>Catra leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “You didn’t need to. It’s just a fact,” she said. “You’d fit right in, even if you’re all,” she wiggled her fingers, “sparkly.” </p><p>Glimmer scowled. “Listen, I feel like I would know if you had told her because Adora is basically the world’s worst liar, but you never mentioned how we met, right?” </p><p>“You answered your own question, Sparkles. Don’t worry. I have absolutely zero plans on telling Adora about that.” </p><p>The relief radiating off Glimmer would be borderline insulting if Catra didn’t feel the same way. “Ok. Cool. Never talk about this again?” </p><p>“Talk about what?” </p><p>They looked up to find Adora smiling at them, fiddling with the ends of her ponytail. Her gaze shifted between the two of them. </p><p>“Work stuff,” Catra answered. “Figured it’s in bad taste right now.” </p><p>Glimmer nodded stiffly. It took a tremendous effort not to elbow her side. </p><p>“Okay,” Adora said after a moment. “Hey, Catra, wanna come with me to the bar?” </p><p>“I don’t know. Something tells me that you and alcohol don’t mix together well.” She nudged at Glimmer anyways, ignoring the stink eye she leveled her way as she got up and let Catra out.</p><p>She followed after Adora, the two of them silent. Adora hopped onto a stool and Catra sat next to her, watching as Adora waved at the bartender and ordered. It’d only been a few days since they last saw each other and only a few weeks since they started hooking up in the first place. She’d been just as quiet about it to her friends as she imagined Adora wanted to be until Catra walked out that one morning and introduced herself to Bow and Glimmer. </p><p>In her defense, she didn’t think they’d all be forced together like this again. It had seemed like a funny idea at the time.  </p><p>“So,” started Adora, “uh, neither of us had any idea that we’d end up at the same place tonight, right?” </p><p>“That about sums it up.” </p><p>“I can’t believe our friends are dating. Literally what are the chances?”</p><p>Catra shrugged. “I don’t know. Lesbians find a way?” </p><p>Adora laughed, loud and bright, like Catra had yanked at a chord and ripped it out of her. It did something funny to Catra’s belly. Leaning forward, Adora hid her face in her hands. “Okay,” she said, voice muffled, then pulled back to look at Catra again. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s great seeing you.” </p><p>“Oh, I know it is. I’m a delight, princess.” </p><p>“Just a ray of sunshine.” </p><p>“Now you’re just flattering me. You don’t need to. You already got in my pants.” </p><p>The stern look Adora attempted to fix on Catra might’ve worked if the corner of Adora’s mouth hadn’t twitched up. A bored, “Here you go,” as the bartender set down two drinks before them saved Catra from breaking. She eyed the tall glass filled with a frozen pink drink. </p><p>“Adora,” she said, “what the fuck is that?” </p><p>“Not sure, actually,” she answered, picking up her drink and sipping from the bendy straw, “but the menu said it’s basically lemonade.” </p><p>“It looks like it’ll rot my teeth.” </p><p>“You can buy new ones.” </p><p>“Wow, no sympathy at all?”</p><p>“I didn’t know you wanted me to fawn over you, but you’ll live.” </p><p>“I won’t. I’m gonna wither away and die and you’re gonna have to carry on with that guilt. Gonna make sure to add specific instructions in my will that you have to speak at my funeral.” </p><p>Adora nodded solemnly. “I’ll try my best to speak from the heart. I’ll tell everyone about that time you ate a bug in the first grade and survived, but what really managed to get you in the end was wanting my attention.” </p><p>“As if!” Catra kicked at Adora’s shin. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Adora laughed, kicking Catra back. “I know you like me.” </p><p>“I do not like you. God knows you need someone not to so that giant ego of yours shrinks.” </p><p>“Uh huh.” Adora grinned, wide and blinding, and Catra’s stomach tightened. She wanted to both push and pull her close. She wanted to keep that smile; memorize the way it forced the corners of her eyes to crinkle and the way it revealed that singular dimple on her cheek. </p><p>Her mouth dried. She kicked at Adora again, and picked up her drink. “Whatever. Thanks for the drink, but I’m gonna go find Entrapta before she gets kicked out.” </p><p>Adora blinked. “How do you know Entrapta?” </p><p>“Wait, how do you―You know what?” She shook her head and took a long sip of her drink. It was way too sweet. Her molars ached. “I’m just gonna assume we know all the same people now.” She flicked a quick two finger salute to her and hopped off the stool. “See you in a bit, princess.” </p><p>It didn’t take long to find them. The bar itself was only just starting to fill out, a crowd beginning to trickle in as the hour struck later. She still had space to navigate between standing groups as she made her way across the bar. </p><p>Entrapta and Wrong Hordak were set up at a tiny circular table with notepads and recorders. Absolutely nothing about the scene shocked Catra, though she did raise an eyebrow at the small purple fizzy drink next to Entrapta’s belongings. </p><p>“Since when do you drink?” she asked. </p><p>“It’s alcohol-free,” Entrapta stated, still staring down at her tablet. Her eyes shifted from the screen to her notepad as she jotted something down with her hand. “I saw someone order this exact drink and it just looked so cute. I need clarity to continue with my observations, though, so I made sure to specify that no alcohol be added.” </p><p>“So it’s just soda, then.”</p><p>“Yes!” She looked up and smiled at Catra. “I’ve collected so much fascinating data. Would you like to hear about it now that you’ve finished flirting?” </p><p>Catra gaped, her face going warm. “I wasn’t―I wasn’t <em> flirting.” </em> </p><p>“Well,” started Wrong Hordak, rifling through pages of a notebook until he settled on one. “Dilated pupils, mirroring body language as well as sitting close together,” he listed, “are all physical indicators of such behavior. We couldn’t hear your conversation, so the results aren’t conclusive.” </p><p>Entrapta nodded. “You’re right. I got ahead of myself.” </p><p>“Whatever.” Catra pulled out a stool and sat with them, crossing one leg over the other. She took a long sip of her drink. Even through the crowd, she caught sight of Adora’s ponytail. She forced herself to look at Entrapta. “I’m gonna hang here for a bit. Cool?” </p><p>
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</p><p>The night dragged on. Despite Catra’s earlier insistence that she leave early, she remained if only to keep an eye on the increasingly ridiculous antics of the group. Sea Hawk dragged an equally tipsy Bow off to the small stage for a round of karaoke while Mermista followed after them. Perfuma and Scorpia slow danced even when it was entirely inappropriate for the current song playing. Last she checked, Entrapta and Wrong Hordak were still observing the ongoings of the bar. Catra just barely managed to avoid getting dragged to the dance floor a few times by a pouting Adora. </p><p>She was content to sit and observe, really. The drink Adora ordered earlier was stronger than she thought, leaving her head and the very tips of her fingers fuzzy. She wanted to curl up and nap. Nursing a sweating glass of water, she sat at the bar and pretended she was paying more attention to her phone than occasionally glancing at Adora dancing with a giggling Glimmer. </p><p>“Sobering up this early?” </p><p>Catra looked up from her phone. In front of her stood a short woman with long, curly blonde hair, bangs tied back with a red ribbon. She was pretty: a kind smile tugging at her lips; her gold eyes a contrast to her dark brown skin. </p><p>“Yeah. I wasn’t planning on drinking in the first place, but…” </p><p>“Your friends convinced you?” </p><p>“You could say that.” </p><p>“I’m Starla.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and pointed at the empty stool next to Catra. “Mind if I join you?” </p><p>Catra shrugged. “Go ahead. I’m Catra.”  </p><p>With a grin, Starla hopped onto the stool, turned to face Catra. “My brother and sister are,” she gestured with a wave towards the dance floor, “somewhere in there. Figured it’d be better if one of us were, y’know, lucid tonight.” </p><p>“And that’s why you came to the bar?” </p><p>“Well, I could’ve found a table but,” she glanced away, playing with a lock of hair, “I dunno. You looked a little lonely here.” </p><p>A warmth she’d blame on the still lingering alcohol in her system spread over her face. It wasn’t that women didn’t flirt with her, really. The few times she bothered with dating apps in the past few months she usually got flooded with compliments, but those were easy to brush off. By the time she was old enough to legally go out drinking she was still with Scorpia and, unsurprisingly, not many people were willing to even try anything with her on her arm. </p><p>Catra was just more used to being on the other end of these exchanges and then never following through. </p><p>(Unbidden, she thought of Adora and the easy back-and-forth between them. She stomped down that thought as quickly as it came.) </p><p>“Hey, Starla!” a familiar voice said, and then there was an arm around Catra’s shoulders. The usually put together ponytail had fallen loose and bits of her bangs were spilling forward, but Adora grinned regardless. </p><p>“Oh, hey! I didn’t know you were here,” said Starla. “Are Bow and Glimmer with you too?” </p><p>“Yeah, they’re somewhere.” Adora shrugged. She didn’t let go of Catra, her arm slung a little too casually over her shoulders. The gesture was familiar. The slightly manic look on her face, however, wasn’t. “You and Catra know each other?”</p><p>“Just met,” answered Catra. “She was keeping me company.” </p><p>Starla’s eyes shifted between the two of them. An amused smile hung on her lips. “Adora knows everyone.” </p><p>She laughed, rubbing at the back of her neck. “Well, I wouldn’t say that.” </p><p>“Mind me asking how you guys know each other?” asked Catra. </p><p>“Adora dated my sister for a bit in college,” answered Starla. “We had a few bio classes together and, well, everyone that went to BMU comes here now.” </p><p>“Ugh, now I remember why I never come here.” </p><p>“Lemme guess: Fright Zone kid?” </p><p>“Of course.” She grinned and raised her glass of water to sip from her straw, except Adora snatched it from her hands and claimed it for herself. “Hey!” </p><p>Adora stopped drinking with an obnoxious sigh. “Gotta stay hydrated. Thanks, Catra.”</p><p>“Get your own water.”</p><p>“Why would I do that when I can steal from someone as sweet as you?” </p><p>“I can’t stand you.” </p><p>Adora, who still hadn’t let go of Catra’s shoulders, offered the glass towards her. </p><p>“Well.” The two of them jumped and looked back to find Starla sliding off her seat. “I’m gonna find my brother and sister before they do something stupid. But it was nice talking to you guys. I’ll see you around?” </p><p>“Yeah, maybe.” She waved as Starla walked off to the dance floor. </p><p>The music was loud. In a few minutes, the DJ will ask if anyone wants to go for another round of karaoke and Sea Hawk will most likely volunteer for the third time. The clock on the wall of the bar area read a quarter past midnight. It was all so mundane, so casual, and to top it off: Adora still hadn’t let go of Catra. </p><p>Shrugging off the limb, Catra hopped off the stool and turned to face Adora with her hands on her hips. “As fun as this was, I’m gonna head home.” </p><p>“Aw, but we haven’t even danced yet!” </p><p>“I’ve seen you dance. I’d like to keep my toes intact.” </p><p>“That’s not fair.” Adora pouted and set the glass back on the countertop. She reached for Catra’s hands and held them close to her chest. “Come on. At least one song.” </p><p>In all the time they’ve known each other, Catra had only ever been around a drunk Adora once before. She’d done such a great job at pretending that night hadn’t happened that she’d forgotten how clingy Adora got after a few drinks. </p><p>She gently pulled herself from Adora’s grasp. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I should head home.” </p><p>“Oh. Are you sure you’re good to drive?”</p><p>“Yeah. I only had the one drink,” she said. The disappointed look Adora wore forced Catra’s eyes away. It was easier to pinpoint Scorpia’s location in the crowd than acknowledge that trickle of guilt. “I’ll just say bye to Scorpia and head out.” </p><p>“Wait.” </p><p>When she looked at Adora, her hand was outstretched towards her. She pulled back, though, cradling it to her chest. “I thought, maybe, you’d want to hang out. After, I mean.” </p><p>That was the problem, she almost said. She wanted to hang out with Adora after. She wanted to be with her the entire evening. Holding herself back from all the ways she’d wanted to spend time with Adora took more effort than she’d care to explain, but there needed to exist boundaries. She needed to carefully compartmentalize what she did. She couldn’t get confused. Not like she did when she was younger. Not when it took so much time to get over her stupid crush. </p><p>This was just what Adora was like: A little too friendly, a little too clingy, entirely unaware of the effect she had. Catra knew better now. She understood the careful lines of their friendship and just how far she could push. They could hang out, and they could sleep together, but Adora wouldn’t want more. Not with her. </p><p>Catra was grown up enough to admit she didn’t want more with her either. </p><p>“Not tonight,” she forced herself to answer. “I’m tired and I’m honestly just going to crash when I get home. But I’ll see you around, okay?”</p><p>Adora’s bit at her lip, then dropped her gaze, eyes trained on the floor. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Uh, Scorpia’s back at the booth, I think. Something about her heel breaking.”</p><p>“Cool. Thanks.” Catra hesitated. She almost said something more, but she swallowed back whatever it was. She left. </p><p>
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</p><p>Later, in the comfort of her apartment, Catra prepared for bed. She showered the scent of sleazy bar away; changed into her pjs; ran a brush through her hair after adding the products Entrapta helped her find to maintain her curls. She mechanically moved through the motions. </p><p>After she turned off the lights and curled up in bed, her phone buzzed. She picked it up, not even bothering to look at the screen, and answered with a tired, “Hello?” </p><p>“Hello, Catra,” said a familiar voice. </p><p>She nearly dropped the phone. In the dark of her room, she clenched her eyes shut and forced herself to breathe in and out. “Shadow Weaver.”  </p><p>“I know it’s late,” she continued, “but we need to talk.” </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You’re my best friend. You know that, right?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In the dark of a stranger’s bedroom, Catra reached forward and cupped her best friend’s cheek in one hand. It was dangerous. She was toeing a line she painstakingly drew so long ago.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know, dummy,” she answered, forcing a grin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The warmth of Adora’s expression didn’t waver. If anything, it deepened. That, too, was dangerous. It’d been a mistake to lead Adora away from the packed area of the living room. At the time it seemed smart. Dancing with Adora’s face tucked against her neck did funny things to her stomach and she was just drunk enough to allow herself to play with the ends of her hair. Catra knew now that that had been safer. That here, alone, with Adora pressed so close to her she might do something stupid.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her eyes flicked down to Adora’s mouth regardless.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The hand at her back smoothed over her spine. Catra exhaled a shaky breath, her thumb caressing the smooth skin of Adora’s cheek, and she wanted. She wanted. The gaping wound of her want threatened to swallow her whole.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora breathed, “Can I try something?” and Catra didn’t hesitate to nod. When Adora leaned in, she met her halfway. Adora’s lips were just as chapped as she knew her own to be, but Catra couldn’t help the startled breath caught between them. She leaned into her want, now. She slid her hand to the nape of Adora’s neck. She deepened the kiss. She pulled her closer.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora let her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Adora held her just as close. Her hands cradled Catra’s face so tenderly she nearly cried. They had always been affectionate; had grown up hands clasped together, eager to wrestle or hug or touch any way they could. When Catra recognized the urge to hold Adora close stemmed somewhere different than hers, she locked it away. She folded into herself.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She bloomed, now.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then: Adora giggled against her mouth.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sorry,” she laughed, clearly still drunk, pulling away. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra blinked. She forced a chuckle. “Didn’t mean to what? Ruin the moment or kiss me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You guess,” she answered. She brushed a lock of hair away from Catra’s face, her hand settling against her cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Catra felt at once too aware and outside of her own body. The space between them stretched tight. She shouldn’t, not when Adora clearly hadn’t meant to kiss her in the first place, but she leaned into her touch, smile tight on her face. “Whatever. Not like either of us are gonna remember this in the morning, right?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The expression on Adora’s face dropped for just a moment. She was drunk, Catra reminded herself. Just like she was. The excuse held a glimmer of truth, though she doubted she’d ever forget.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We don’t have to make a whole thing about this,” Catra continued. “What happens at some random party stays there, right?” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>shout out to strangehunger for giving me the idea to name wrong hordak "harold" </p><p>genuinely thank you all so much for your kind words on this fic!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. your faith in shreds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The inside of Perfuma’s studio apartment looked like something out of a magazine: a wide open space with the tall, arching windows streaming sunlight, plants strewn everywhere. Adora poked at a hanging plant as she watched Perfuma dump all the contents of her dresser onto the floor. </p><p>“Well,” she said, “that’s one way to start packing.” </p><p>“It’s an entire week, Adora. I need to pack extra in case of emergencies.” </p><p>“What emergency requires over thirty bras? You don’t even wear them half the time.” </p><p>Perfuma dumped a large pile into the pink rolling suitcase laying flat on her bed. Locks of frizzing, curling hair escaped the bun she haphazardly twisted her hair into. “Well, what if this time I need to? I need options.” </p><p>“It’s your house. And there are stores everywhere. You aren’t secluding yourself in the middle of nowhere.” </p><p>“You shouldn’t have volunteered to help if all you’re going to do is radiate negative energy.”</p><p>“I didn’t volunteer. You <em> asked </em> me to come over.” </p><p>Perfuma ignored her. She held up a pair of strappy pink sandals. With a scowl, she tossed them behind her. “You’ve been off for days. My babies wilted the moment you stepped in here.” </p><p>Adora frowned, studying the tiny hanging plant level with her face. “Seems fine to me.” </p><p>Perfuma straightened up. She took in a deep breath and turned to Adora with a smile that would seem serene on anyone else. Only years of standing on the receiving end taught Adora that it was anything but. “I love you. You are one of my dearest friends. I’m very excited that you are joining us on this trip; however―” </p><p>“There we go.” </p><p>“―you have been uncharacteristically snippy. It’s concerning, Adora.” </p><p>“I’m not snippy,” Adora sniped. The answering frown on Perfuma’s face only tightened the knot of nerves tangling at the very pit of her stomach. She knew, logically, that Perfuma was right. If she took a step back she could acknowledge the fact that she’d been sulky ever since their outing to the Grotto. Even Huntara, who rarely poked her nose into Adora’s personal life, had taken the time yesterday to ask if she was feeling alright. </p><p>It was infuriating. </p><p>She shut her eyes and pressed the tips of her fingers to her eyebrow. “Did Glimmer and Bow talk you into this?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Adora leveled a look Perfuma’s way. </p><p>“Okay, yes.” She threw her hands in the air. She drifted back to her luggage and began to fold her clothes. “Yes, they did ask me to speak with you. They mean well, and frankly I’m glad they brought it up.” </p><p>“Remind me why you didn’t become a therapist again?” </p><p>“I refuse to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a degree that I’m not passionate about. Stop deflecting.” She held up a gauzy pink dress, studying it with a frown before she tossed it in the same direction as the sandals. “This trip will be good for you. You’ll get to relax and not think about work or your upcoming applications―” </p><p>“Why would you bring that up?” </p><p>“―or anything relating to work at all. You’ll be surrounded by people that love you. There’s nothing more healing than that.” </p><p>Biting back the urge to snark back at Perfuma took more restraint that Adora wanted to admit. She forced in a deep breath; exhaled. Her friends meant well. </p><p>“You’re right,” she admitted. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>Perfuma smiled, her face softening. “You don’t need to apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.” She stepped away from her luggage and settled her hands on Adora’s shoulders. “Do you want to talk about it?” </p><p>Unbidden, the memory of Catra’s retreating back rose. She seemed smaller then, her shoulders curved in, her ears flat against her head. She hadn’t texted back the following morning. She hadn’t texted back at all the past few days. Adora’s messages still went through, so she wasn’t blocked. </p><p>“No,” she answered. “It’s nothing. I’ll get over it.” </p><p>The wrinkle between Perfuma’s brows spoke evidence of her disbelief. Still, she squeezed Adora’s shoulders and let go. “Alright. Well, are you going to help me pack then?” </p><p>“We’re going to Mystacor, Perfuma, not across the world,” she laughed, the sound strained even to her. “You seriously don’t need this much for a beach town.” </p><p>“You never know what you’ll find,” was Perfuma’s only answer. </p><p>
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</p><p>“Mermista and Sea Hawk are meeting us there tomorrow,” said Glimmer. She squinted at her phone, using her pointer finger to scroll down the list. “Bow, you got the umbrellas, right?” </p><p>“Yup!” he called out from the other room. “They’re in the trunk already.” </p><p>Adora continued filling the cooler and said, “Wear your glasses, Glimmer.”</p><p>“I don’t need them!” </p><p>“If you hate your glasses so much, just get contact lenses.” </p><p>“You know they freak me out, Adora. I don’t want to stick plastic in my eyes.” </p><p>Adora rolled hers. Sitting in front of the open fridge, she studied the nearly full cooler: sandwiches to get them through the four hour drive; water bottles; butter and condiments and sauces Bow refused to stop at a store and buy for the trip. The trip itself wasn’t that long. The three of them had driven nearly twenty hours a few years back to visit one of Bow’s brothers in D.C. during spring break. </p><p>It didn’t take much time to finish loading all their stuff into the car. Glimmer drove while Bow navigated from the front seat, Adora stuffed into the back. Normally she’d bring some game along with her during their road trips. Today she slumped across the entirety of the backseat, the back of her head uncomfortably pressed against the car door. She fell asleep like that, only waking hours later when they made their one and only pitstop. </p><p>The back of her neck ached from the weird angle, her head pounded from hours pressed against the vibrating car door, and even downing an entire bottle of water did nothing to wash away the dry mouth long hours in the car gave her. She sat staring out the window at the flat stretch of land broken only by the occasional swamp. The phone in the pocket of her hoodie sat heavy against her abdomen. She didn’t reach for it. </p><p>Space. She was giving Catra the space she so clearly wanted. Just like she had for years, even before Adora left. If she pushed through the pink-tinted nostalgia of their friendship she could sift through the memories of Catra folding into herself, refusing to talk no matter how gently Adora pushed. She could remember the day Catra quit their junior varsity soccer team without explanation and walked away when Adora asked for one. She could remember the way her face went blank when she asked who she was going to prom with. Years and years of Catra drawing into herself, just to sneak into Adora’s room the following night with some sort of peace offering.  </p><p>She dug the heel of her hand over her forehead. Adora had always been a little too much: too emotional, too overbearing. She had tried to reel herself in that night, but the sight of Starla smiling at Catra like that, of Catra smiling back―Adora couldn’t begin to dissect the way her stomach turned. </p><p>She wouldn’t push. If Catra wanted to talk to her, she’d have to reach out herself. </p><p>Eventually land gave way to ocean and they were driving over the long stretch of highway bridges. Mystacor was the furthest island, the biggest tourist attraction. Glimmer’s aunt owned a house there and used to invite Glimmer and Bow to spend the summers in her guest room when they were growing up. Ever since the three of them befriended Perfuma, though, they spent the summers at the beach house her parents owned.</p><p>Adora poked her head into the space between the driver and passenger seat. “Perfuma and Scorpia there yet?” </p><p>“You know you can just check the group chat, right?” answered Bow. </p><p>“Nope,” she said, popping the single syllable. “I’m ignoring my phone, remember?” </p><p>Through the rearview mirror, Adora caught Glimmer rolling her eyes. “Uh-huh. That’s why I’ve caught you checking it every five minutes in the past week, right?” At Bow’s prompting, she made a left turn, pulling onto a bridge that led to a community of houses. A river sliced through the community, boats bobbing in the water. “They told us they got there while you were napping.” </p><p>Adora hummed in response. They were nearing the house, a yellow two-story stilt home with enough space underneath for their cars to park in its shade. An unfamiliar red truck was already resting on one spot―Scorpia’s, she figured. They parked next to it, leaving enough space for Mermista and Sea Hawk’s car. They were barely out of the vehicle when a gleeful yell rang out followed by the thud of hurried footsteps down the stairs. </p><p>A blur of yellow and pink jumped at Adora. She dropped her bags with a yell, just barely managing to hold herself upright. </p><p>“I’m so glad you’ve all made it,” said Perfuma, pulling away from Adora to throw herself at Bow. She squeezed him tight for a moment, then squished his cheeks between her hands. “Oh, Bow, it’s been so long since we’ve gotten time to sit down and talk.” </p><p>“We saw each other last week,” he managed despite the hands on his face. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands away, grinning. “But I can’t wait to catch up. I brought you some herbology books my dads found.” </p><p>Adora picked up the bags she dropped, tuning out the conversation. Just as she managed to tuck one of Glimmer’s bags underneath her arm, Scorpia bounded down the steps, her smile friendlier than the one she’d last thrown Adora’s way the night they met. </p><p>Steps behind her was Catra. </p><p>She wore dark baggy cargo shorts and a tank top, the freckles sprinkled across her shoulders and chest on full display. Her eyes fixed on Adora as she followed after Scorpia. </p><p>“You guys are here earlier than we thought,” said Scorpia. She took some of the bags from Adora’s arms, and even that wasn’t enough to pull her gaze from Catra. “We were worried there’d be tons of traffic.” </p><p>“It was fine,” Adora answered absentmindedly. She ripped her attention away from Catra who moved to help Bow with the contents of the trunk, turning to Scorpia with a smile. “I was asleep for half of it, but if it had been bad Glimmer would’ve been complaining so much I probably wouldn’t have been able to nap at all.” </p><p>“Hey!” Glimmer nudged her as she passed by with the cooler. She stuck out her tongue, then made her way up the stairs. </p><p>Adora followed after her, pointedly not looking back at Catra. </p><p>The inside of the house was unchanged from their last visit a year ago. Perfuma always lamented the lack of plant life inside the house until someone inevitably pointed out that no one spent enough time there to take care of them. Giant sliding doors led to a large, empty patio that overlooked the nearest beach. The kitchen and living room were separated only by the large kitchen island. The singular first floor bedroom resided next to the sliding doors. Adora made her way to it before Glimmer could beat her to it like last year. </p><p>A half-unpacked suitcase residing on the bed’s white duvet greeted her. A single glance at the dark pile of clothes told her who had taken the room for themself. </p><p>“Should’ve gotten here sooner.” </p><p>Adora stiffened. She looked over her shoulder and found Catra smirking at her with her arms crossed over her chest. When she said nothing, the expression slid off Catra’s face and she shouldered past Adora and into the room. She continued unpacking, her back to Adora. </p><p>The room itself was small, holding a singular full bed and dresser. The wide windows were open, curtains fluttering in the faint breeze. Adora and Glimmer had bickered over who got to take it during their last visit. </p><p>Adora pushed herself away from the doorframe and made her way upstairs. Perfuma’s room was at the end of the hall. They generally always saved the second largest room for Mermista and Sea Hawk. Given their current circumstances, they’d be fine in the room she and Bow shared last year. </p><p>She sent Bow and Glimmer a quick text letting them know about the rooms. She dumped her bag on the bed furthest from the door, considered unpacking, and then stomped her way downstairs, back to Catra’s room. </p><p>“What the fuck, Catra?” </p><p>Catra’s ears twitched. She kept her back to Adora. “Hello to you too.” </p><p>Adora shut the door behind her, leaning against it with her hands pressed flat between her back and the wooden surface. “You didn’t mention you were coming.”</p><p>“It was a last minute decision.” </p><p>“Okay. Why were you ignoring me?” </p><p>Catra snorted. Even without view of her face, Adora knew she was rolling her eyes. “It’s been what? A week? We can go a few days without talking, Adora. My world doesn’t revolve around you.” </p><p>“Come on. You know that’s not fair.” </p><p>This time, Catra did turn around. She gestured to herself with a wave. “Well, I’m here now. So. We good?” </p><p>Adora frowned. The days leading up to now felt stupid. It was all stupid. In the end, they weren’t dating. They were friends. Friends went through lulls sometimes. There was no reason for Adora to be as upset as she was now. </p><p>She pushed herself off the door. “Actually, no,” she said, crossing the room and plopping down onto the edge of the bed. “This was supposed to be my room.” </p><p>“No way I’m sharing a room with Mr. and Mrs. Sparkles.” </p><p>“You won’t even consider it?” </p><p>“I’d rather sleep outside.” </p><p>“That’s really kind of you to offer, actually. You can take the fluffiest pillow if you want. Just to show you how grateful I am.” </p><p>Catra rolled her eyes and continued unpacking. That wasn’t how the script was supposed to go: She was supposed to laugh and roll her eyes; supposed to shove at Adora’s shoulder in the same breath she’d insult her. The years had changed them both. They hadn’t changed that. </p><p>“Okay, I’ll just...” Adora tapered off, jabbing a thumb towards the door. She left the room without another word. </p><p>
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</p><p>In the morning, they made their way to the beach. The one nearest to the house was too small, barely a strip of sand between the buildings and the ocean, and too far from any restaurants or shops they might want to walk to after. Adora, Bow, and Glimmer followed after Scorpia’s truck to the other side of the island, to a long stretch of beach peppered with rocks and palm trees, tourists scattered here and there. Just off a mile or two resided the towering lighthouse, no longer in service and instead available for brief, disappointing tours. She’d taken one a few summers back for the experience. It was a waste of fifteen bucks.  </p><p>Sea Hawk and Mermista joined them sometime around noon. Their group rested beneath a cluster of wide beach umbrellas. Laying stretched over her towel, Adora barely raised her hand in greeting. Her skin felt tender. Even her scalp burned. She had slathered herself in sunscreen repeatedly. It hardly did anything against the Floridian sun. </p><p>Sitting as far from her as possible beneath the shade, Catra read a thick hardcover novel. She wore a cap with slits big enough for her ears to slide through and she hadn’t bothered to pull off the unbuttoned flannel shirt two sizes too big for her. She’d barely glanced away from her book the entire morning. She was already halfway through it. </p><p>If Adora were bolder she’d drag herself towards her and ask about the book. Or maybe just rest near her, an open invitation to talk. Rather than swallowing her pride, she sprayed on some more sunscreen, pulled on her own white cap, and poked at Bow’s side. </p><p>He flinched away from her finger. He sat near the cooler, a water bottle in hand. White spots of sunscreen peppered across his face. </p><p>“You got some…” She gestured at her own face, then watched as Bow finished rubbing in the excess sunscreen. “Walk with me?” </p><p>“I’m not going into the lighthouse with you again,” he said, pulling himself up. He stole Glimmer’s big sun hat with the long pink ribbon. Passed out on top of his towel, Glimmer didn’t even notice. </p><p>They walked along the beach in silence, trading the water bottle back and forth every so often. Kids ran after one another, and they passed the occasional impressive sand castle. It wasn’t until they neared the lighthouse that Bow said, “You’re acting weird.” </p><p>“I’m not acting weird,” Adora responded. She pointed at him with the water bottle. “You’re acting weird.” </p><p>He raised an eyebrow. </p><p>She stopped in place. “I didn’t know that Catra was gonna be here.”</p><p>“Oh,” Bow said after a moment. “Does it help if I say I didn’t either?” </p><p>“Kinda?” </p><p>“Well, I didn’t know either. Scorpia must’ve invited her.” </p><p>Adora played with the bottle cap, frowning. </p><p>Reaching forward, Bow settled his hands on her sunburnt shoulders. Adora hissed, and he let go with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Jesus, how are you that bad already? It’s only the first day.” </p><p>“My skin is <em> sensitive.”  </em></p><p>He laughed, then shook his head. “Look, I’m not going to pretend I understand whatever is going on between you two, especially since you won’t even talk about it with us―”</p><p>“There’s nothing <em> to </em> talk about.” </p><p>“―but,” he raised his hands, “you know I’m always here for you.” </p><p>Adora hummed. She sipped at the water, then said: “What’re you gonna do about Glimmer?” </p><p>He froze. “What do you mean?” </p><p>Adora fixed her eyes on him, an eyebrow raised. He turned on his heel and started heading back in the direction of their friends. </p><p>Laughing, Adora followed after him, calling out, “Bow, come on! Bow!” </p><p>He covered his ears. “Can’t hear you!” </p><p>She managed to run ahead of him, and pulled his hands away from his ears, grinning wide. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but it’s getting ridiculous, y’know? So, I’m here. You know where I live.” </p><p>He rolled his eyes, but the gesture said little from him, especially once he smiled at her and slung his arm around her shoulders. They walked back to their friends like that, chatting about nothing. </p><p>
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</p><p>The rest of the day glided past them. Adora dragged their group into a spirited game of volleyball that Catra only joined halfway through after a heated bout of peer pressure and Sea Hawk tried to start a bonfire only for the lifeguard on duty to threaten to kick them out and Perfuma surprised them all with the assortment of foods she packed for them all. By the time they made it back home, Adora could barely keep her eyes open. </p><p>The group lazed around as they all took turns with the showers. Even after her own, Adora kept finding sand on her scalp, already resigned to the following days of it. She stretched over the sofa in the living room, her legs over Glimmer’s lap as Glimmer painted her toenails. She wiggled them, giggling at Glimmer’s frustrated muttering. </p><p>“You shouldn’t have offered,” she said. </p><p>“You should’ve said no,” responded Glimmer. </p><p>“I said,<em> ‘I don’t care.’”  </em></p><p>“Whatever.” She grabbed Adora’s big toe and finished applying a fresh coat of bright orange nail polish. </p><p>Whatever Perfuma and Scorpia were cooking in the kitchen smelled good enough for Adora’s stomach to growl loudly. A whole day of snacking did nothing to settle her hunger. On the armchair near them, Bow flipped through the channels on the TV. One look at his face betrayed his own hunger, though. He was still dressed in his beach clothes. </p><p>Once Sea Hawk finished up, they traded places and Sea Hawk settled on some animal documentary. Eventually Mermista―hair still wet around her shoulders―joined them, sitting on Sea Hawk’s lap and dozing off with her face against the crook of his shoulder. </p><p>It was calm. Adora stopped fidgeting long enough for Glimmer to finish painting her toenails. </p><p>“Wanna do mine next, Sparkles?” Catra pulled herself onto the arm of the sofa, right next to Glimmer. She crossed one leg over the other, slinging an arm over her knee with a smile. </p><p>“Not really,” Glimmer answered. She looked Catra up and down, then turned away with her nose scrunched up. “You can borrow the bottle if you want.”</p><p>“You’re no fun. How about my hands?” She wiggled her fingers, black-coated claws glinting in the light.  </p><p>“No thanks.” </p><p>“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes, hopping off the armrest, then slinked off to the kitchen to join Scorpia and Perfuma. She accepted the apron Scorpia offered, a green one with tiny leaves patterned across it. She carried herself differently, more at ease. The smile she threw Scorpia’s way spoke of years of familiarity, of fondness. </p><p>She used to look at Adora like that. </p><p>Without a word, Adora pulled her legs from Glimmer’s lap and headed upstairs. She curled up atop the covers of her bed, hugging her extra pillow close, and fell into a light sleep. The light from the setting sun streamed through the gaps in the curtains. She could still hear the buzz of chatter, the clanking of movement around the kitchen even as she dozed. </p><p>Later, a knock sounded at her door. Adora opened her eyes, finding the room dark save for the slivers of moonlight. The door creaked open and a familiar voice said, “Dinner’s ready.” </p><p>Adora clenched her eyes shut again. She kept her back to the door. </p><p>The door clicked shut. Then: the mattress dipped inches from her. Adora snapped up, finding Catra sitting at the edge of the bed, one leg bent beneath her, the other hanging off. Her tail rested across the covers. </p><p>“You’re mad at me.” </p><p>Adora scowled, turning around to lay with her back to Catra again. She buried her face into the pillow. Behind her, Catra sighed. </p><p>“Okay,” she said. “Just hurry up before Sea Hawk and Scorpia eat all of it.”</p><p>She left without another word. Adora swallowed back the disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>
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</p><p><b>Catra: </b> <em> meet me on the beach. </em> </p><p>She attached her location to the text. The hour blared 1:45 AM above the message. On the bed next to hers, Bow and Glimmer slept soundly. The day had been long: The group had gone snorkeling while Catra had stayed behind with their stuff at the beach. The initial plan had been to drag Perfuma’s patio furniture outside and drink and talk once they returned home, but they’d all been so exhausted they turned in after an hour or two. </p><p>Adora squinted at the screen. She sat up, brushing her hair away from her face, clicking on the location to find her at the beach right outside the house. She left her bed, pulled on her sandals, and made her way outside. </p><p>A figure sat feet away from the receding tide. Adora sat next to Catra, head lolling to the side as she stared at her. Hugging her knees to her chest, she looked small. Despite the fact she spent more time underneath the shade of a beach umbrella the past few days she managed to collect more freckles along the bridge of her nose, her cheeks. </p><p>“You’re mad at me.” </p><p>A humorless laugh bubbled out of her without meaning to. Adora rubbed a hand over her face. “What gave you that idea?” </p><p>“I shouldn’t have ignored you,” Catra continued without looking at her. She stared out ahead, face set, but Adora couldn’t look anywhere else but her. “Something came up. It had nothing to do with you.”</p><p>Adora stayed quiet. She watched Catra’s careful face; tried to understand the stranger wearing her best friend’s features. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said. With a shuddered breath, she clenched her eyes shut. Her shoulders wilted forward. “Not just―Not just for ignoring you these past few days. I’m sorry for overreacting when we were kids. I’m sorry for cutting you out of my life like that. You didn’t deserve it.” </p><p>“Catra―”</p><p>“Listen, please.” Catra sat up. When she finally turned to look at Adora, her expression was tortured. “I was selfish and cruel. I should’ve been excited that you got into your dream school and were moving to a different city. It wasn’t fair of me to yell at you like that.” </p><p>“I left you,” Adora said, voice wavering. “I knew what I was leaving you to, and I did it anyway without even warning you.” </p><p>“You weren’t my fucking babysitter, Adora. You were never responsible for me―”</p><p>“I knew that leaving like that meant you’d have to stay with her, Catra. I knew that and I did it anyway.” </p><p>“Okay, fine. The <em> way </em> you left was shitty. It sucked. It really sucked and if you had just told me ahead of time I could’ve figured something out, but I’m fine. Adora, look at me.” Her eyes were very clear, the set of her mouth determined. “I’m fine. You can see that I’m fine even though we were apart. I overreacted. You have to get that through your head. You leaving didn’t warrant me cutting you out like that.” </p><p>“You were just...so excited,” Adora said. “You had all these things picked out for the apartment we were supposed to get, and you were literally counting down the days till you’d get to move out of her house, and I didn’t think...” She wiped at her face. “I was wait-listed for so long, Catra. I really did think I was going to move in with you, but then I got that last minute acceptance and I just...I didn’t know how to tell you.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“You stayed with Shadow Weaver,” she said, and it was not a question. Adora heaved a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>"Adora―"</p><p>"No," interrupted Adora, voice desperate. "Listen to me, okay? You were right to be angry, and I don't blame you for any of it. There's no excuse for leaving the way I did. I was so afraid of what it would do to us that I just put it off instead of sitting down and trying to work things out. That's on me."</p><p>Catra said quietly, "We were kids."</p><p>Adora, jaw clenched, replied, "We were friends." The silence that followed bore heavy on them. The night Adora finally told Catra had turned ugly so quick. She could remember with clarity the way Catra's mouth twisted into a snarl and the shove at her shoulders as she yelled that she never wanted to see her again. "I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad she isn't in your life anymore. That doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry. I can't say that enough. I'm sorry that I waited so long to tell you. I'm sorry that I left."</p><p>Catra shook her head. “You did what was best for you. I lived. If it helps, I moved out the next year.” The smile she threw Adora’s way was a shaky, fragile thing. “With Scorpia, actually.” </p><p>It was so clearly a hand guiding her in the other direction; Catra begging in all but words to change the subject. “Oh,” Adora breathed, following along. “Were you guys―”</p><p>“Yeah. For a few years. We weren’t right for each other. Scorpia’s too...She deserved better than me.” </p><p>Adora reached for Catra, her hand on her knee. “Don’t put yourself down like that,” she said, eyes fixed on hers. “You’re...You’re so smart, and you’re so funny, and beautiful. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. You’re - You’re -” she stopped, frustrated. She thought of Catra, six years old and tripping anyone that laughed when Adora got a question wrong in class. Thought of Catra, thirteen and angry, grabbing Adora’s hand and leaving with her once she realized Adora hadn’t been invited to the after party sleepover. Thought of Catra vandalizing their Sunday school bibles all for Adora’s stifled giggles. Thought of Catra that summer they volunteered at the pet shelter, cradling a small kitten in her arms with the softest smile Adora had ever seen. Thought of Catra only a few weeks ago, asleep on her stomach with the blanket fallen to her bare waist, her tail unconsciously wrapped around Adora’s leg. </p><p>Catra stared back at her, eyes wide, and Adora knew. </p><p>“You’re my best friend,” she said dumbly.  </p><p>“You’re so…” Catra shook her head with a laugh. “You’re the sappiest person I know.” </p><p>“That’s why you like me.” </p><p>“Shut up. I do <em> not </em> like you.”</p><p>Adora raised her eyebrows; thrilled at the way Catra rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder with her own. </p><p>“I didn’t mention I was tagging along because I wasn’t decided till the morning of,” Catra said. “I should’ve been a better friend to you when we were kids, and I should be a better one now.” </p><p>“If it helps, I think I’ve got some things to learn too. I probably should’ve told you I was mad instead of just, y’know, sulking.” </p><p>“You’re really good at that, by the way.” </p><p>“Thanks. I learned from the best.” She nudged Catra’s side with a smile. She knew what she had to do. It didn’t make it anything less difficult to ask: “Can I say something? And you promise not to get mad?” </p><p>Catra frowned. “That’s ominous, but sure.” </p><p>“I think that...in the name of bettering our friendship,” she started, testing out the words, “we should probably stop hooking up.” She reached to grab Catra’s hands, to cradle them close to her chest. She should let go. She held on all the more tight, knowing she was doing the right thing despite the aching want. In the end, all that mattered was this: Catra here with her. “I don’t want to risk losing you again. You’re too important to me.” </p><p>Catra was looking at her very strangely. She did not let go, even as she seemed to consider her words. “Okay,” she said, very quietly. She nodded once, then again. “You’re right.” </p><p>“I never thought you’d say that.” </p><p>Catra laughed, letting go. “Don’t ruin it.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In the eleventh grade Adora managed to snag a study hall period where Catra had not, and so Catra skipped class one day after lunch to sit with Adora in the library. Their corner of the library breathed empty save them. It was Adora’s favorite spot in all of campus: a quiet corner, cozy and small, with just a singular table between the shelves. </p><p>It was drizzling that day, just like it had been the day before, and the day before that, like the tail end of every Floridian summer. Catra, chin in hand, ranted about some teacher she didn’t like. She was always smarter than Shadow Weaver gave her credit for. She was always smarter than most of their teachers knew. </p><p>Adora couldn’t remember what Catra said exactly. It wasn’t what she said that mattered: It was the little sarcastic snort that followed, and the way she pulled off her signature red headband to fix the stray bits of bangs that had escaped throughout the day, and the tiny charm with Adora’s initial hanging off her thin wrist catching in the fluorescent light as she did so. She was so pretty. Prettier than any other girl in school. Pretty in the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed. Pretty in the glint in her eye when she’d poke fun at Adora. </p><p>It was not an unfamiliar thought. The force of it was. </p><p>Adora remembered freezing in place, staying quiet as Catra continued rambling about something else, the words hazy and fuzzy. A few months later, at a party they snuck off to, Adora kissed her. Adora kissed her, and she wanted her so badly, wanted her more than she ever imagined she could want anything, and Catra said, <em> “Whatever. Not like either of us are gonna remember this in the morning, right?” </em></p><p>Stupid of her, really, to stumble onto the same mistake years down the line. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the biggest plot twist of this fic is the fact it's set in florida. mystacor is just key west lmao </p><p>the amazingly talented @Yooooooyn drew a scene from chapter 4 which you can see <a href="https://twitter.com/Yooooooyn/status/1286127367572746241?s=20">here!</a><br/>my super talented friend @comfiecore also drew this scene from chapter 3. check it out <a href="https://twitter.com/comfiecore/status/1280494057370894336">here!</a><a></a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. small hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! it's been 84 years. in my defense, i just finished my first semester of grad school. thank you for your patience! also, the reception to this fic has been crazy. seriously, thank you all so much. i really do appreciate every kudo and comment. </p><p>i updated the fic <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0eyMOf1tZfrmCOkWvqbQ2A?si=9EmJ0-4uS3i7_dLdatNlXA">playlist</a> to get inspo for this fic back! </p><p>warnings for mentions of past child abuse and alcohol consumption.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Scorpia and Perfuma were sickening. That was just a fact. Catra sat comfortably beneath the shade of the beach umbrella, blue cap firmly on her head, and watched as Perfuma giggled and fed Scorpia grapes while she lay her head on the blonde’s lap. It was a level of PDA that Catra only ever witnessed from Instagram obsessed couples, but Scorpia and Perfuma didn’t even have social media. Scorpia told Catra extensively about that. She claimed it was one of the many things they had in common. </p><p>Catra was gonna gag. </p><p>The rest of the group was out in the water playing a particularly loud game of chicken with Adora acting as referee. She wore a white cap on her head, wet hair in its signature ponytail, and her shoulders gleamed a shiny pink in the summer sun. The sunburn was bound to get worse as the trip progressed, but who was Catra to nag Adora about the importance of sunscreen? They weren’t together. They weren’t even sleeping together. They were friends. </p><p>The fact did nothing to stop Catra from appreciating the fit of the orange one piece Adora wore or the broad expanse of her back as she tried to help a buckling Mermista keep Sea Hawk on her shoulders. </p><p>Catra scowled and turned back to the couple near her. They were kissing. Just soft and loving kisses on the mouth, the cheeks, the eyes as they giggled and whispered to one another. It was worse than if they had been making out in front of her. </p><p>Dropping her paperback back in her bag, she stood, called out, “I’m going for a walk,” and left their spot with only her phone and a plastic water bottle in hand. </p><p>“Wait for me!” </p><p>Catra turned and caught sight of Glimmer, pink-cheeked and wading through the water, waving at her. Behind her, Adora was attempting to carry a laughing Bow on her shoulders, which did interesting things to her arms even as she wobbled in place. </p><p>Jerking her head away, she watched as Glimmer patted herself dry with a towel that Catra was pretty sure was Bow’s, pulled on a floppy sun hat, and pulled out her wallet from her large purple bag. </p><p>“There’s an ice cream stand by the pier,” Glimmer said, grinning. </p><p>“I’m lactose intolerant,” Catra said. </p><p>“You had a three cheese pizza yesterday.” </p><p>“Are you the dairy police?” Catra raised a brow. “Mind your business, MyFitnessPal.”</p><p>Glimmer scowled. “I’m not keeping track of what you eat, you egomaniac. You literally stole a slice from me.” </p><p>Catra waved a hand. “Logistics.” </p><p>The pier wasn’t too far. Catra scrolled through her email as she and Glimmer made their way through the crowd of tourists and screeching kids. It was the longest they’d been alone together since The Event That Shall Not Be Acknowledged. </p><p>The ice cream stand’s line stretched all the way to the hot dog vendor. Glimmer chipped in for Catra and she ate the hot dog in silence while Glimmer crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. </p><p>“You know,” she said, taking another bite of her food, “you could probably get a kiddie discount if you pulled your hair into pigtails.” </p><p>“We’re literally the same height, Catra.” </p><p>“Your ego subtracts, like, three inches.” </p><p>Glimmer leveled a glare her way. The line budged forward just an inch. Behind them, a little girl tugged at her mom’s skirt and whined about the heat. Catra wondered how quickly Glimmer would explode if she pointed out the similarities. </p><p>“Remind me why Adora’s dating you again?” </p><p>Catra nearly choked. “We’re not <em> dating.” </em> </p><p>“Dating, hooking up, that’s, like, basically the same shit for Adora.” Glimmer perked up as they finally reached the vendor and placed her order. </p><p>Adora mentioned briefly dating Perfuma in college. Which, to be fair, still struck Catra as odd. She couldn’t even imagine what that relationship had been like. Then there was Starla’s sister, also from college. She had mentioned once that some friend was trying to set her up with another girl. Adora rarely talked about her relationships. That hadn’t bothered Catra, really, until Glimmer tried to neatly fit her into Adora’s box of girlfriends. </p><p>She stared sullenly at the hot dog in her hand, appetite gone. </p><p>Glimmer led the way from the pier, contently eating her ice cream, only to look up at Catra and raise an eyebrow. </p><p>“What’s up with you?” </p><p>“We aren’t…” she tapered off, pausing to throw out her food at the first trash can they passed. She dusted her hands off, then stuffed them in the pockets of her beach shorts. “We aren’t dating <em> or </em>hooking up.”</p><p>Glimmer blinked once, twice. Her brows were raised high, which only made her look more like Angella. “But...that morning at our apartment?” </p><p>“I was just messing around.” </p><p>“Huh,” was all Glimmer said. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“We just kinda thought―”</p><p>“You can think?” </p><p>Glimmer shoved at her shoulder. Catra nearly toppled over, just barely managing to catch herself on the back of someone’s―thankfully empty―beach chair.</p><p>“Watch it!” </p><p>“You’re a brat. You know that, right?” </p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>“Look, whatever lesbian drama you and Adora have going on I’m sure you can resolve by just, I don’t know, talking about it.” </p><p>“There’s no lesbian drama. We’re <em> friends.” </em> </p><p>Glimmer snorted. Ice cream was melting off the waffle cone and dripping onto her hand. Catra’s therapist would be proud of the fact that she didn’t, despite the immense temptation, knock the cone out of her hand and into the sand. </p><p>“Whatever,” said Glimmer. “I’m not involved. I’m not involving myself. This is me, not butting in, and minding my business.” </p><p>Catra stopped just within eyesight of their group’s spot and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. Glimmer stared back, a hand on her hip. All five feet and two inches of her dressed in a pink one piece and a floppy beach hat with a pink bow, melting ice cream cone in hand painted the epitome of intimidating. </p><p>Catra raised an eyebrow. Then she stole the ice cream cone right out of her hands and ran for it, cackling as Glimmer yelled and chased after her. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>The fact was: Catra needed a vacation. She really did. She was a model employee in ways that her high school teachers would scratch their heads at. Where was this drive, this determination when she was younger? She never applied herself. She never lived up to her potential. </p><p>Potential her ass. They could all suck it. </p><p>She was overworked. She hadn’t taken a single vacation day since she began working for this firm. Hordak practically keeled over in shock when she barged into his office and told him she’d be gone for two weeks. </p><p>Whatever. The point of it all was that she desperately needed time to gather her bearings and just fucking relax. Her therapist had encouraged it for ages. Insisted on it, really. Sure, she’d probably get that look on her face when Catra eventually gathers the courage to tell her that she knowingly went on a trip with the girl that she had desperately been in love with as a teenager and obviously did not have feelings for now. Which she didn’t. Because she was above that. She was mature, now. She was worldly. She knew things like how to do her taxes (sure, she paid someone to do them for her, but that counted) and how to get a good deal out of a car mechanic. She could fuck someone and not fall in love with them even though she could count the number of people she’d slept with on one hand and she had been in a relationship with all of them except one. </p><p>What this all meant was that she was determined to relax even after Adora took a sledgehammer to her heart. When their stupid group insisted on all things water-related, she took a step back. Peer pressure did not work on her. She sat back and tore through a trashy romance novel while they all splashed around in the ocean, which was really just fish toilet water. When they all wanted to go snorkeling, well, she had another book in hand. She worked on her tan. She napped. She desperately needed the sleep. She was very good-natured about it all. </p><p>She had her limits, though. </p><p>“Sweating around a bunch of wild college students? Pass,” she said from her perch at the kitchen island. She crossed her arms over her chest. “You guys have fun. I have a new book and scheduled some quality time with that fancy bathtub in Perfuma’s bathroom.” </p><p>“You are,” said Glimmer, “the most boring person I’ve ever met.” </p><p>She raised an eyebrow. </p><p>Scorpia, dressed in a purple apron that said <em> “This is what an awesome chef looks like” </em> with a drawing of two hands pointing upwards, frowned and settled her claws on her hips. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us? I heard that the gay bars here are great.” </p><p>Sea Hawk, in a simple black apron with a white drawing of a mustache, pivoted away from the stove and leaned across the kitchen island to face Catra. Smoke instantly rose from the pan behind him. He was one of the stupidest men she’d ever met in her life, second only to her boss. </p><p>“It does no good to isolate yourself from friends,” he said. </p><p>“We aren’t friends,” she replied. </p><p>“This is an opportunity for us all to bond, to strengthen the friendships we have forged along the years―”</p><p>“We literally just met this summer.” </p><p>“―Perfuma has spoken at length about your aura and its depressing color palette. It is our duty as your friends― </p><p>“I have spoken to you, like, twice in my entire life.” </p><p>“ ―to not just support you, but to uplift you. What kind of friends would we be if we left you alone to sulk while we raged against the night?” He shook his head. Behind him, flames engulfed the pan. Scorpia and Glimmer struggled with the fire extinguisher to put them out. “No. You must join us!”</p><p>Adora, loose hair wet from the shower, stepped into the kitchen. A bead of water rolled down the expanse of skin exposed by the v-neck of her white t-shirt. She blinked once, twice, then very loudly said, “Who let Sea Hawk cook?” </p><p>Scorpia and Glimmer pointed at each other. With a pout, Sea Hawk (finally) turned away from Catra, a hand on his chest, the picture of a wounded soldier. </p><p>“I’ll have you know that I’m extremely skilled at the culinary arts.” </p><p>“Uh-huh. Remind me to tell Mermista that when she gets back.” Adora didn’t even spare a glance Catra’s way as she made her way to the fridge and rifled through its contents. </p><p>Sea Hawk shifted uncomfortably in place. He untied his apron and left it bundled up on the kitchen island, calling out, “I shall return shortly” as he left for the now open shower. Coward. </p><p>Glimmer snorted. She and Adora traded an amused look as Scorpia tried salvaging the now burnt sauce. Bow, Perfuma, and Mermista were at the grocery store at the moment. Apparently, a house full of eight adults in their mid-twenties burnt through food quickly. It wasn’t like Catra hadn’t pointed out they didn’t have enough food the first day they arrived at the house. </p><p>Scorpia sighed. “How did he even burn it this bad?” </p><p>“It’s a talent,” answered Glimmer. “It’s fine. We’ll just wait for the others to get back.” </p><p>“I could try making something.” Adora leant against the fridge, arms crossed over her chest, water bottle in hand. Her sleeves were short. She was not this muscular when they were in high school. She wasn’t anywhere near Scorpia’s bulk, but it was still ridiculous. </p><p>Catra rested her chin in hand and said, “I’d rather not choke on protein powder, thanks.” </p><p>Adora, the epitome of elegance and grace that she was, giggled and snorted in that exact order. She then stared down at the floor, eyes unblinkingly wide, and said, “Good one,” before turning on her heel and walking out the room. </p><p>Everyone watched as she left. </p><p>Glimmer turned to Catra, hands on her hips. She really seemed to think that she was more intimidating than she actually was. Catra was sure that she terrified plenty of people, but that wouldn’t work on her. She knew what flavor lip gloss she liked. She knew that she still wore flavored lip gloss as though it were 2003. The fact that she knew that at all haunted her and would continue to haunt her until she died or someone brought back the lobotomy. </p><p>“What did you do to her?”</p><p>Catra raised her hands. “Nothing. I don’t know what the fuck that was.”</p><p>“So she doesn’t always laugh like that?” Scorpia said. “Thank goodness. That was not an attractive look on her at all.” </p><p>Catra choked back a laugh, especially when Glimmer pointed a glare her way. </p><p>“Oh, sorry. Force of habit. I forgot we like Adora now.” </p><p>“Scorpia,” said Catra, “shut up.” </p><p> Scorpia mimed zipping her lips shut and smiled sweetly. </p><p>Glimmer raised an eyebrow. “Whatever. I’m not involved. This is me, not involving myself.” She headed towards the door, chin held high, and said, “Call me down when there’s food.” </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>“I’m involving myself,” Glimmer said, more or less six hours later, hopping onto the stool at the bar next to Catra, leaning in close. Her cheeks were pink. Locks of curling pink hair stuck to her forehead, the nape of her neck. </p><p>Catra, who was unfortunately not luxuriating in the bath with her newest paperback at the beach house after getting thoroughly guilt-tripped by Perfuma, of all people, scowled at the other woman. It was hot and humid, which it always was in the God-forsaken hellstate, emphasized by the lack of AC and the packed dance floor. It was even worse outside where the majority of their friends had migrated to at some point. </p><p>“Please don’t,” she responded. </p><p>“Too late.” Glimmer grabbed Catra’s face, her face set in ill-advised determination, and sternly said, “I’m invested. I’m nosy. I love drama. I can’t help it. Perfuma says it’s because I’m a Gemini moon.” </p><p>“I don’t know what that means.” </p><p>“Of course you don’t, you fucking Leo moon.” Glimmer let go Catra’s face. She straightened in her seat, shoulders pushed back, and Catra regretted thinking that Glimmer was anything but intimidating. She was terrifying, actually. The only scarier person on the planet was Perfuma. </p><p>“I’ve decided,” Glimmer continued, waving at one of the bartenders, “that I’m gonna help you hook up with Adora.” </p><p>“I really don’t need your help with that.” </p><p>They were interrupted by the bartender stopping to take Glimmer’s drink order. As they prepared the drink―some bizarrely complicated cocktail that was definitely overpriced and would probably kill Glimmer―she scowled at Catra and shook her head. </p><p>“You really do,” she said. “I’m tired of watching you two dance around each other. Adora basically had a panic attack when you agreed to meet up with her that first time and you stare at her like she’s a five course meal. So, I’m here to help you out because I’m generous, and amazing, and clearly the better person out of the two of us.” </p><p>Catra hid her face in her hands and groaned. </p><p>“Honestly, I’m surprised that the two of you haven’t already fucked, but whatever. I’m here to fix that as long as neither of you ever share the details.” She accepted her drink and sipped at it happily like a kid with a juicebox. Catra was in hell. “It really shouldn’t be hard at all. Pretty sure if you just, like, told her you wanted to hook up she’d jump at the chance.” </p><p>“Glimmer,” said Catra, dragging her hands down her face, “trust me when I say I seriously do not need your help in that department.” </p><p>“I’m just trying to help.” </p><p>“We already hooked up, okay? We’ve <em> been </em> hooking up. For, like, two months! But she ended it and gave some sappy speech about friendship and not wanting to risk losing me or some shit like that, so now we aren’t and I’m going to have a dry spell for ten years after all that because I don’t do this shit. I don’t do hook-ups. Before her, the worst I’d done was make out with you―” Glimmer made a face at the reminder “―because <em> I don’t do this. </em>I’m going to have to move out of the state. Or maybe the country. I’m going to have to leave, because Adora can’t even look me in the eye anymore without turning into whatever that was earlier. So, no, Glimmer, I don’t need your help.” </p><p>Glimmer stared at her, mouth hanging open. </p><p>It took a second, and then another, before the reality of what she just word-vomited clicked for her. Catra held back the urge to run out the bar or bash herself over the head with her beer bottle. She inhaled; exhaled. She forced her face stoic and took a sip of her beer. </p><p>“Oh,” said Glimmer. </p><p>“Yup,” said Catra. </p><p>Glimmer held her hands over her mouth. Her eyebrows scrunched together like she was thinking real hard. This was Catra’s nightmare. They weren’t even close to being friends. She shouldn’t have said any of that. She blamed the two tequila shots that Perfuma peer pressured her into taking when they first arrived. </p><p>“Okay, so, you’re into each other, then,” concluded Glimmer. </p><p>Catra made a face at that. “She’s not into me.” </p><p>“You didn’t deny that you are, though.” </p><p>“I hate you.” </p><p>“I’m your new best friend.” Glimmer grinned, leaning in close. “I’m still going to help you.” </p><p>“We literally are not friends. We haven’t had an actual conversation since I was an L3. You don’t need to be involved at all.” </p><p>“Sue me for wanting Adora to be happy. It’s exhausting watching her ghost girl after girl like she isn’t a giant romantic. Also, I’m running out of acquaintances to set her up with. The last girl left a really long voicemail and I’m still kinda traumatized.” </p><p>“That sounds like a you problem. I don’t need to be involved in that.” </p><p>“Catra,” sighed Glimmer. “We can be friends, you know? I want you to be happy too.” </p><p>“We all want things we can’t have, Sparkles.” She polished off her beer and left the empty bottle on the counter. She slid out of her seat, flicking a two finger salute towards Glimmer as she walked away. </p><p>The long line that had stretched out from the entrance and wrapped around the corner of the street when they had first arrived had disappeared, diminished to a few groups showing the bouncers their IDs. A circle of five people that looked around her age stood just a few yards away from the entrance, chatting and smoking. She resisted the urge to join them. She hadn’t had a cigarette in the past few years; an ugly habit she finally curbed. Instead, she pulled out her phone, sent off a quick text to the group chat letting them know she was heading home, and ordered an Uber. </p><p>She should’ve stuck with her bath. Sulking sober and alone was infinitely better than sulking drunk and surrounded by loud, sweaty twenty-somethings. </p><p>“Hey!” </p><p>Catra stiffened. </p><p>Adora, hair falling loose from her usual ponytail, stepped out of the bar, pink-cheeked and smiling. The red flannel she left the house in was tied around her waist, leaving her in a black tank top, revealing the prominent bump of her collarbone, the sunburnt skin of her chest. Catra’s mouth dried. </p><p>“Mind if I head out with you? I’m dead on my feet.” </p><p>“You seem fine to me,” she said, then shut her mouth. She glanced down at her phone. Her Uber was five minutes away. “Whatever. Yeah. The Uber’s almost here.” </p><p>“Oh. Do you think they’ll mind that it’s more than one person?” </p><p>“I’ll tip extra.” </p><p>“I’ll pay you back.” Adora slung an arm over Catra’s shoulders, just like she normally would, just like she had for years and years of friendship, and babbled about something that Sea Hawk had done during the night. She was tipsy; that much was obvious. It was even more startlingly clear once the Uber arrived and the two of them piled into the back, Adora cuddling up to Catra, clinging to her arm, resting her head on Catra’s shoulder, still rambling on and on about what Catra missed out on once their group moved to the outdoor patio of the bar. She continued talking once they arrived at the house, holding Catra’s hand and leading her inside, nonplussed by Catra’s distracted hums in response to whatever she was saying. </p><p>Maybe it was the talk on the beach the other night, or the way Catra revealed too much to Glimmer when she hadn’t meant to, or the fact that Adora was too much, too beautiful, too bright and familiar and willing to pretend they were back to normal, just like she had been years and years ago, but Catra let go of her hand and headed towards her room without a look back. </p><p>“Catra?” </p><p>She ignored the call; stepped into her room and started pulling her pajamas from the closet drawer. It wasn’t too late for that bath, for the stupid book she’d been wanting to read all day. The others wouldn’t return till the early hours of the morning, she was sure, and Adora slept like the dead when she wasn’t tossing around, kicking and punching. </p><p>“Are you okay?” </p><p>She looked up to find Adora at her door, frowning like a kicked puppy. The ponytail had fallen at some point in the car ride; her hair, long and wavy from the humidity, flowed over her shoulders. The flannel was gone. Hopefully she hadn’t lost it in the Uber. She clung onto the door frame with one hand, as if afraid to step inside.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she answered, rifling through her tattered college-bookbag-turned-beach-bag for her book. “I’m just tired. You aren’t going to use Perfuma’s bath, right?” </p><p>Adora shook her head. </p><p>“Cool. Perfect. That’s my night. You can go sleep or whatever.” </p><p>“I thought we could hang out,” Adora said. “Watch a movie or something.” </p><p>“Maybe later.” </p><p>Adora twisted her hands together. “Oh. Okay.” </p><p>With a sigh, Catra set her stuff down on the bed, turning to Adora with her hands on her hips. “What?” </p><p>“Huh?” </p><p>“You clearly want to say something. What is it?” </p><p>“I just―” She wrung her hands again, then seemed to notice what she was doing, and smoothed them over her baggy high-waisted jeans. “We’re okay, right?”</p><p>“I’m great,” Catra answered. She kept her tone careful, in control. They were friends. Adora had done nothing wrong. Whatever Catra was going through, which she was pretty sure was just a case of life-long bitchiness (thanks to her mother), had nothing to do with her. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird all day.” </p><p>“You’ve been acting weird all day!” Adora pushed away from the door, gesturing towards her. “You’ve been ignoring me. Again!” </p><p>Catra recoiled. “Me? You’ve barely been able to look at me since last night. I thought you were just―I don’t know, being weird or something.”</p><p>“I...I guess I’m just adjusting. Or whatever.” She crossed her arms over her chest, gnawing at her lip. “I just―It feels like you’re hiding something. I don’t know.” </p><p>When they were around nine, Catra sprained her left ankle. Entirely her fault, for once: The floors had just been waxed and she slipped near the stairs, tumbling down an entire flight. It could’ve been worse and luckily hadn’t been. She hadn’t told her mother; hadn’t told anyone, really, already knowing that she couldn’t unless she wanted to end up in the system, most likely in another city. No one noticed. It was just a sprain. She iced it, elevated it, etc. She walked a little funny, but it was fine. </p><p>Not a day later, Adora found her half an hour before school started and pulled out an ankle brace from her unicorn backpack. It was a tiny thing, definitely for a kid, and looked like a sock. They pulled it on Catra’s foot and she was able to hide it with her shoes and the leg of her dumb school khakis. That’s what people never got about Adora. They saw the blonde hair, the overeager grin, the willingness to help out, to trust the best in others, and never noticed how perceptive she’d always been even so young. </p><p>Catra sighed; ran a shaky hand over her face. She sat at the edge of the bed, heart thudding in her throat, and leaned forward to hide her face in her hands. The mattress dipped right beside her, Adora’s warmth radiating in the space between them. </p><p>“Catra?” </p><p>“I’m going to tell you something,” she said, slowly, dragging each word out. “You can’t freak out. I’m handling it, okay? I just need you not to freak out.”</p><p>Adora pulled Catra’s hands away from her face. Her thumbs smoothed over the knuckles of Catra’s hands. </p><p>“Okay,” she promised. </p><p>Catra collected the unspooling ends of her panic. She told her. </p><p><br/>
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</p><p>Over twenty-three years ago, for reasons beyond Catra’s understanding, Shadow Weaver adopted her. When she was small and impressionable and had yet to learn to curb her own curiosity around her adoptive mother, Catra tugged at the hem of Shadow Weaver’s long dress and asked why. It was one of many interactions that paved the way for the life-long lingering dual resentment and longing that Catra liked to pretend did not exist. Her therapist liked to use words like <em> disorganized attachment style </em> and <em> C-PTSD </em> and other psychological bullshit that picked apart the frayed rope of her childhood, but Catra simply thought that Shadow Weaver was a bitch. </p><p>Three days before she tagged along with her ex-girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend to a beach house where she would inevitably reunite with the ex-best friend she had been in love with for the whole of her life, she sat in outside of the principal’s office of her old high school. She had sat in this seat far too many times during her four years stuffed into the building. Even now, with a highly successful career and having graduated summa cum laude from both college and law school, she felt small and wild and awful the way she so often did growing up. It felt an awful lot like regressing. Add a few sprinklings of Adora’s ignored texts burning in Catra’s phone and it’d be a snapshot of years past. </p><p>She shrugged off her blazer. The campus itself was open: a large courtyard with purposely planted palm trees to provide shade to rubbery off-tone green tables; hallways shaded by jutting ceilings, the only AC provided inside of the classrooms. A loud, booming bell rang to mark the hour, just like it had her years here, despite the fact it was the middle of summer and so the only students here were those subjected to the rot of summer classes and the kids shoved into the gym for the very same day camp Shadow Weaver used to kick her into until she aged out. She then forced her to sign up as a counselor for the volunteer hours. </p><p>Sweat rolled down her spine. It pooled at her hairline. She couldn’t imagine what her hair looked like now after ten minutes sweltering in the summer heat in her work clothes. The text Shadow Weaver sent earlier told her to wait for her to come get her once she was done with a phone call. </p><p>So Catra pulled herself out of her seat and slammed open the door of her mother’s office. </p><p>It looked no different than it had years ago. Still no photos of Catra. No sentimental photos at all, actually: The only decorations on the walls were frames of abstract art and her degrees. Not to the mention a portrait of a hooded crying Virgin Mary that was about as cheerful as Scorpia at a haunted house. Shadow Weaver wasn’t even religious. That was the joke of it, really. She only ever climbed the ladder to private Catholic school principal for the paychecks. </p><p>Shadow Weaver sat at her desk munching at a salad. No phone rested in her hand. </p><p>Catra said, “You’re a bitch, you know that?” and Shadow Weaver promptly replied, “Is that any way to speak to your mother?” </p><p>It was truly and honestly as if nothing had changed in the past two years even though Shadow Weaver no longer held anything over Catra’s head. Except maybe some embarrassing school pictures. Catra highly doubted she kept any of those. She had never been the sentimental type. </p><p>“I’ll talk to you however I want,” Catra answered. “You made it more than clear that you’re not my mother last time we talked.”</p><p>“Oh, Catra. Your ability to hold grudges would be impressive if it weren’t so obviously a sign you haven’t changed.” Shadow Weaver gestured to one of the two seats in front of her desk and suddenly Catra was sixteen and angry and shaking at the apathy her mother threw so easily her way. She was different now, she reminded herself. She was better. </p><p>She sat in the chair next to the one Shadow Weaver pointed to. “You called me,” she said. “No games. I don’t have the patience for it. What do you want?”</p><p>Shadow Weaver smiled. She leaned forward, resting her chin over her clasped hands, and said, “I require your services.” </p><p>“You make it sound like I’m a hitman.” </p><p>“You’re a corporate lawyer. You’re worse than one.” </p><p>Catra had no rebuttal for that. She scowled, crossing her arms over her chest, and replied, “Get on with it, old lady.” </p><p>“The school is being sued.” </p><p>“About time.” </p><p>Shadow Weaver leveled a look her way. “More specifically, I’m being sued. It’s not...exactly in the school’s best interest and the school board is looking to replace me should I not get this settled. Your firm is respectable. I’d like to hire you.” </p><p>Catra tried. Really, she did. She tried her best, but there was no holding back that first laugh she barked in response. She laughed long and hard, holding her stomach as tears gathered in her eyes, until she could pull herself together and slick back her hair. </p><p>“Oh, good one,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “You, what? Think I’m gonna give you a family discount?” </p><p>“I imagine that paying for your college and law education would be payment enough.” </p><p>“Fuck you.” Catra smirked, leaning back in her seat. “I already paid you back. You have nothing on me. This is a favor.”</p><p>Shadow Weaver narrowed her eyes at her. What a contrast, Catra thought, to the saintly weeping Virgin Mary behind her. “Don’t speak to me that way. I raised you. I kept you in my house even when it would’ve served you right to toss you out into the streets. I handed you money time and time and time again.” She stood from her seat, coming around the desk to stand near Catra, towering over her. Years of therapy, years of distance, weren’t enough to curb Catra’s instinctual move to shrink away. “I could’ve asked anyone else. But,” and here she lowered her tone, softened her face, “I’ve kept track of your career, Catra. You’re on the verge of becoming junior partner. A few more years and you’ll be running one of the best firms not just in the state, but in the country.” She reached forward. Catra flinched. She settled a hand on Catra’s cheek. “I’m so proud of you.” </p><p>Catra sat frozen. She stared up at her mother, at the loving expression on her face, the exact one she imagined for years and years growing up. Her hand shook as she reached up to place it over Shadow Weaver’s. She clenched her eyes shut. </p><p>She gripped the hand and pulled it away, breath drawn tight in her chest. </p><p>“I’ll think about it,” she heard herself say, distant and far away. Her hand moved to the pocket of her slacks. She pulled out her wallet; pulled out her business card. She watched as the limb handed it to Shadow Weaver. She watched as Shadow Weaver smiled, as she smoothed the top of Catra’s hair, as she pulled away and sat back at her desk. </p><p>Then Catra left. </p><p>She sat in her car. She drove back to her work building. She parked in the employee garage. The car thrummed softly around her, the radio for once silent. Her heart thrummed loud and roaring in her ears; she felt it pounding in her throat. Her hands clenched tight around the steering wheel. She forced herself to let go; forced herself to wipe at the tears on her face; forced herself to fix her eyeliner, fix her hair, and pull her blazer back on. When she looked back in the mirror, she was herself once more. </p><p><br/>
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